Ba-L-an-C-e

What image comes to your mind when you think of the word balance?  A balance beam? Or maybe a stack or differently sized rocks?  The feeling I get is that balance is a little shaky. I see myself with my arms out, waving and wobbling about, until balance is achieved.  When you look up the definition of the word balance they use words like equilibrium and steadiness.  One of the definitions is “the equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.”  It is this definition of balance that we think of when we hear the phrase “Work Life Balance”.

The phrase Work Life Balance implies the need to evenly distribute your time between work and life.  From the start, we know that is near impossible.  If you work eight hours a day you would literally have to balance that out with eight hours of “life”, and in a perfect world eight hours of sleep.  Though the math works out, the reality rarely does because “life” is not just one thing to manage.  Life breaks out into family, household, friends and personal responsibilities.  Now you are trying to find balance, equal time, for all of these things.  It’s overwhelming.  Thinking about it in that way brings to mind an image of a Jenga game, where the carefully stacked blocks are balanced but teetering waiting for one more piece to be removed before it all falls apart.

So how do you get past that feeling that your daily balance is a tower of blocks that is waiting to collapse?  First you need to accept the fact that balance is not something that can be measured daily.  Some days everything falls into place – your work gets done, there’s no traffic, making dinner is a breeze and you get to spend quality time with your little ones.  Other days, you’re not so lucky - a big work project means working late or a sick kid means not working at all.  As if the overall stress of days like those are not enough, we put added stress on ourselves by thinking about how out of balance we are on that day.  We need to accept that balance is something that can look very different from day to day, it doesn’t have to be equal as the definition implies.

The powerful fact is that you get to define what balance looks like for you.  For me, it’s come down to deciding what is most important to me in that given day.  If I have been working late, then I try to find a quick dinner to make so that we can spend time with the kids before bed doing something fun.  Or if there is a book report due the next day that is nowhere close to being done, that might mean leaving work early and logging in later on that night to finish up.  I know it’s not always that easy.  Summertime is a great time to look at what is and what is not working.  It gives you a chance to slowly start to incorporate your new vision of balance and see how it works before the school year adds another level of chaos.  Work life balance, or even just life balance, is possible when you are living your own definition.  It doesn’t have to be perfect equilibrium, as long as it feels steady to you. 

           

Heart-FULLy Yours, 

Kacey

Q & A

As new parents we anxiously anticipate each milestone in our child’s life – eating solid food, sitting up, first steps and of course their first words.  The first words lead to better communication which is so exciting because you no longer have to guess what your child is trying to say.  It’s wonderful and so cute! Their vocabulary starts to build.  You start to get a glimpse of what is going on in that little head of theirs, something that has been a mystery up until now.  Children are full of natural curiosity, which now builds along with their vocabulary.  In the beginning they match the nouns with the object, ball.  Then they expand to identifying colors, shapes and sounds that go along with the objects.  It’s so cute, you tell your family.  They are really smart!  They start to ask questions and become even more inquisitive.  Why is the sky blue?  Why do birds fly and I can’t?  Why are dogs different sizes?  Why do I have to eat my carrots?  Why do I have to brush my teeth?  Why?  Why?  Why?  Aaaaaaaaa, it’s a good thing they’re cute because all these questions start to wear you down.

Once the kids start school, the questions to the parents start to slow down.  Now, they have a new source for endless answers, their teacher! They also have a group of friends who are eager to share their wisdom with someone.  How I wish I could be a fly on the playground to hear the discussions the boys and girls have with each other.  Around this age the parent also becomes the fact checker, verifying what was heard or said by another.  Sometimes the parent has the opportunity to correct a statement that might be slightly off.  Other times the parent is over-ruled as not knowing what is “true”.  The questions start to get harder and we realize how lucky we are to have technology at our fingertips.

Another thing I’ve realized is that adults are really bad at asking questions - have you ever noticed that?  It’s not only with our kids, but in our everyday lives.  We are may be too busy to stop and ask questions beyond the answers we need for the issues at hand.  Or somewhere along the line we developed this feeling that we were prying, so we hold back on all those questions that run through our brains for fear that we might offend someone.      “How was your day?” is the standard question for many parents and kids when they are reunited at the end of the day, which then generates the standard responses.  As a parent, I truly do want to know how their day was, but the question is almost too generic for the child.  You can try more creative phrasing of questions, there are new articles shared on Facebook weekly that try to help get beyond the basics, but you still risk a one word answer, possibly followed by an eye roll.  The end of the day is hard.  Even though we want to have a great conversation, often we’re both too tired and pushing too hard with too many questions results in the exact opposite of what we wanted.

What’s a parent to do?  Last week a friend shared with me a wonderful idea called “The Key Jar” which is the brain child of fellow mom blogger Glennon Doyle Melton and her cousin Erin.  They came up with 48 questions to be used with kids at the dinner table (or in the car, or wherever).  I was excited to try The Key Jar.  My son helped me to decorate the jar and cut up the questions.  When we sat down for dinner, I explained what we were doing and why.  The kids were excited to pick a question.  The first question my son picked was “If you could switch places with one friend for a day, who would it be?”  Interestingly, they both picked children in their class who were the complete opposite of them as they wanted to see what it was like to be so quiet for the day or so silly.  The second question we picked was “What’s something that is hard for you?”  This one took a little more thought to come up with, but the answers were interesting.  We answered the questions as well, so that they knew there were things that were hard for mom and dad too.   It was a great conversation and all of us are excited to do it again this weekend.

It’s easy to stop asking questions because you’re too busy, too tired or too wrapped up in your own “stuff”.  Starting today, don’t miss out on the opportunity to have a true conversation with the people around you, including your little ones.  Ask a question, see where it takes you and maybe you’ll learn something new.

Heart-FULLy Yours, 

Kacey

Capturing a Unicorn

This was one crazy week!  You name it, we had it this week: doctor’s appointments, school events, practices, family, games (x3), homework, book reports and of course work, school, laundry, errands, etc. It all got done, I knew it would.  It all did not go according to plan, I knew it wouldn’t.  Whew, it’s been a long time since I was so excited just to make it through to Friday night.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get wound up when you are busy?  From the moment you look at your to-do list for the day, it’s easy to unconsciously elevate your stress level in anticipation of what is to come.  Have you ever noticed that on busy days the traffic seems heavier, the wait at the doctor’s office seems longer, your meetings focus on less important issues and your children seem to forget more of their school/practice gear than they remember?  Each of these things adds to your already elevated stress level.  Your heart beats a little faster.  You feel more anxious and a little less patient.  You become engulfed in rushing around, getting things done, checking them off the list.  You give up control and let the busyness take over.  In the midst of this uncontrollable chaos, you forget to breathe.  By the time the day is over, you are physically and mentally exhausted.  You collapse into bed with that uncomfortable feeling that you have to wake up and do it all again tomorrow.

Sound familiar?  Why is it that our default setting in these situations is to get more stressed, more anxious, more overwhelmed?  Staying calm, in the moment and taking each thing as it comes is really hard.  It takes a lot of practice.  A couple years ago I decided that I didn't like feeling like I was holding on by a string, so I started making small changes.  Some days it helped, other days it did not.  Fast forward to this week, a prime opportunity for maximum stress and though I certainly had moments feeling stressed and overwhelmed, it was nowhere near where I used to be.  There were multiple times when I stopped myself and took a few deep breaths.  I had to remind myself that this is where I was right then and nothing I could do would change that.  Worrying about what was next on my list would definitely not help the situation that I was currently in.  At the end of each day I was tired, but didn’t feel that emotional drain that I had felt so many times before.  I made it through and knowing that serves as motivation for the next busy week to come.

I feel like I’ve captured a unicorn.   When you are pulled in so many directions many people think that it is a fantasy not be completely stressed out.  In the event that they are not stressed out, they replace stress with feeling guilty that there is more they should be or could be doing.  Most moms I meet bounce between feeling stressed/overwhelmed and guilt.  It doesn't have to be that way!  I've learned so much that I want to share with others.  This blog is just one way that I can help but, I wanted to do more.  That’s why I am in my final weeks of getting certified to be a Life Coach.  I know that I can help other moms capture their unicorn – it may seem like a myth, but I’m here to tell you it is real and will change your life.  The busy schedules are not going to change but how you approach it can.  I’m here to help, all you have to do is ask J.

Heart-FULLy Yours, 

Kacey

I'm So Busy!

Disclaimer: Yes, this blog is probably about you, but I am also 100% guilty of this as well.  In fact ironically, I’ve been sitting here thinking I just don’t have time to write this morning because I have too many other things to do, which is all the more reason why it needs to be done.

A conversation between two moms:

Mom 1: “I haven’t seen you in a while, how have you been?”

Mom 2: “We’ve been so busy!  We’ve has this and that……..”

Sound familiar?  How many conversations do you have in a week where the other person (maybe that person is you) starts by talking about how busy they are?  Don’t get me wrong, I totally get it, I’m busy too AND I am 100% guilty of answering that question in the same way.

Earlier this week I shared the following quote from author Christine Carter on Facebook:

“Busyness is not a sign of success, significance or importance.  It’s a sign that we are not fulfilling our potential.”

Along with sharing this quote, I asked if anyone agreed with this statement.  Not surprisingly no one replied to my question, or liked, my post.  This is a really deep thought that, on the surface, may not seem to apply to you.  However, has there ever been a time where you felt guilty sitting down and doing “nothing” - to the point where you got up and started another chore that had to be done?  (If you’ve done that, then I’d say this quote applies to you.) 

Christine Carter’s new book, The Sweet Spot, examines how we can move beyond being busy and find that optimal spot, “The Sweet Spot” to flow through your day with minimal stress and maximum happiness.  She states:

“When we live our lives as though we are running one marathon after another, day after day, it is, frankly, impossible for life to feel anything but difficult.  We know this about actual marathons; there is a whole protocol that runners go through when they finish a race so they can recover……Yet we don’t have parallel support systems in place for our daily “marathons”.”

Anyone who is a runner knows about the preparation and recovery involved in running a marathon and would never think to compromise that.    Wouldn’t it be nice to build in some of that recovery time into our everyday lives?

Christine’s first suggestion is to “take recess”.  We all know that we just can’t wish our busyness away, so instead, get done a few of the things that need to be done and then, go to recess.  Take time to relax/play.  Do something that you really enjoy.  The only rule is that you have to be fully focused on that one thing, no multi-tasking allowed!  By giving yourself that break, you’ll actually increase your productivity throughout the day.  I know that this won’t be easy – it seems counter intuitive to “waste” precious time at “recess” when you know there are so many other things to get done.  But doesn't it sound like fun to have recess to look forward to in the middle of the day?   

  

Heart-FULLy Yours, 

Kacey

Battery Drain

I recently listened to a webinar hosted by parenting expert Carrie Contey.  As I anticipated, the webinar was filled with ideas and different perspectives on the role of parenting, some of which I had never thought of before.  For example, the relationship that we have with our “little people” is very short, maybe fifteen years.  After that, and for the majority of our lives, our relationships with our children continue on as adult to adult relationships.  Even though that is a pretty obvious statement, it struck me as something I had never really thought about in that way before.    Of course every parent is doing their best to lay the foundation for their child, to prepare them so that they can grow up and be successful in the world.  But not only are you helping them to develop, you are creating your relationship dynamic.  It got me thinking, what would I do differently (if anything) if I approached this parent child relationship from the perspective that this is just the beginning of our lifelong experience?

Carrie also shared an analogy related to the importance of self-care.  Anyone who knows me knows that this is a topic that I am passionate about so my ears naturally perked up.  She likened a parent to a cell phone.  We all know a cell phone needs to be plugged into the wall at least once a day to recharge the battery.  Not only that but the more you use your phone the faster it drains the battery.  I don’t think anyone would disagree that they need to recharge every day, however do you take into account how much you are “using your phone”?  The word drain is so perfect in this analogy because how many times have you gone to pick up the kids feeling just that, completely drained?  I know many of us think that our time to recharge is after the kids go to bed, and most days that might work.  But if our battery is on 10% at 5:00, do we recognize that we don’t have enough juice to keep going for three more hours?

Carrie goes on to explain why recognizing this is so important.  Just like us, our little people also need to be recharged, but they don’t know how to do it on their own.  They have to plug into the parent and take energy from the parent to recharge.  If the parent is drained, they can sense that and will cling to you more (sound familiar?).  At that point their charge is also so low that they will take any of your attention, even if it is negative. 

Recognizing that this is happening with your children takes practice.  For example when you’re in the middle of a homework meltdown, realizing that this may be less about the homework and more about the fact that they are physically and emotionally drained from their day is a game changer as to how you address the situation.  Or when the bedtime routine is met with resistance at every turn, it may be more about being over tired than your child trying to push your buttons.    

As always, it has to start with us.  We have to recognize when our battery is getting to that low state and take action to recharge right then and there.  Carrie calls them “micro charges”.  It could be as simple as taking a deep breath, repeating a mantra, jumping up and down or giving your little one a hug.  If you have a little more time you could take a walk, watch a funny video or send a quick note to friend.  The important thing is not what you do, but that you do something.  Don’t hesitate to involve the kids.  Set aside five minutes when you first get home to unwind and recharge together (maybe you crank the music and have a dance party or build a Lego village).  Not only will these things help you all recharge enough to get through the night, but you’ll also be establishing self-care habits that will last a lifetime.

  

Heart-FULLy Yours, 

Kacey

Sleep

Before I got pregnant, I took sleep for granted.  During pregnancy your body starts to train you for the sleepless nights to come.  You wake up multiple times a night and can never seem to get truly comfortable.  Then the baby comes and you are up multiple times a night feeding, soothing, doing laps around the house.  I still remember that first night where I slept for five hours straight – my excitement for five continuous hours of sleep, quickly turned to panic over why hasn’t anything happened in five hours (everything of course was fine).  Those were the days that you realized that with five hours of sleep you felt amazing and the fog had lifted from your brain.

It took those drastic experiences for me to realize how different you feel and act after a good night sleep.  As a result, I am very aware of how much sleep we get as a family.  I’ve noticed that even a difference of 30 minutes can make homework the next day more of a struggle.  Or sometimes the opposite happens, when that feeling of over tiredness starts to set in, my son does the opposite, to resist the crash he ramps up, sometimes becoming more hyper as it gets closer to bedtime.  It’s been extremely helpful to us as parents to recognize that the lack of sleep is going to lead to behavioral challenges later in the day.  When we make ourselves aware ahead of time, it’s easier for us to react when the melt down/outburst/attitude comes knowing that it is caused by a lack of sleep.

Many of us are diligent with our children because we know how important sleep is for a growing child.  But like many things, we change the rules when it comes to ourselves.  There is always so much to do!  We “burn the candle at both ends” to try to fit in all our obligations: things that have to be done, things that we’ve committed to someone else that we will do and the things that we want to do.  To make things worse, our society have made getting less sleep a badge of honor.  You read interviews about highly successful people who get 4-5 hours of sleep a night.  Think about how much more they get done having an extra 3-4 hours to work instead of sleep.  Personally, I just don’t believe that you can function at your highest potential on that little sleep.  Arianna Huffington also talks about this in her book Thrive.  She talks about how she used to be one of those people getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night when launching the Huffington Post, but now has realized what a toll it took on her and how unhealthy it is.   Her book goes on to discuss how as a society we need to change our definition of success and getting more quality sleep is a key component that she discusses in detail.  It’s a great book with some interesting ideas, I definitely recommend it. 

Making sleep a priority, for you or your children, may require changes in your current routine.  It may be tough at first, but when you start to notice the changes in your mood and your kid’s moods you realize how powerful the shift is.  Now granted, you’re not always going to get the perfect night sleep every single night.  But on those days that follow, try to keep it front of mind.  Remind yourself that your reactions, or your children’s reactions, may be the result of being over tired - simply acknowledging that fact may help side step an epic melt down.

Heart-FULLy Yours, 

Kacey

Doing Something Right

5^th Grade Homework – Weekly Vocab Builder

“critical”

Definition: to find fault

Synonym: demanding

Illustration: Large stick figure saying “Do it now”.   Small stick figure “But, but”

Use it in a sentence: My mom is critical about homework.

Ouch.

I’m pretty sure I could change the name of this blog to the “Homework Diaries” and have enough to write about for months.  I know that you’ve all been there.  After a long day, practices, dinner, it’s getting late and everyone’s tired.  But there is still homework to do - it’s easy to slip into being critical.

The truth hurts.  Yes, I will own the fact that I can be critical about homework.  I know what she is capable of and I don’t want to see her just throw something together at the last minute.  But in fairness I’m also critical of myself and the job I’m doing as a parent.  It’s a hard job.  It’s an important job.  It’s a job where we all want to do what’s “right” for our kids.  So we share stories, read books, articles and watch how other people around us parent their children to see if someone has the magic check list of what to do.  But let’s admit we are all critical when it comes to parenting.  We watch people in the store and think “I would never do/allow/say that to my child.”  There’s a piece of us that silently thinks, well at least I do better than that parent.  We call up our friends, share our stories and try to get their perspective on how to handle a situation.  These discussions either validate our feelings that we are doing it right or we use their insight to change our approach, willing to try anything for a “better” result. 

We all want to raise our children in the “right” way so they are prepared for the future and can make it on their own.  But let’s admit that being a parent also feels like a direct reflection of you.  You feel like their behavior reflects on what you have (or have not) taught them.  We are critical of ourselves because we wonder what others are thinking of us and the job we’re doing when they look at our children.  Maybe not all of us, but most of us deep down are looking for at least that little bit of validation from the outside world that our children are kind and well behaved, therefore we must be doing something right.  When you write it down it seems a little silly.  We shouldn’t care about what other people think but comparison is ingrained in our culture.  The best thing we can do is trust that we are doing the best job that we can do in that moment.  We need to tune-in to see how our children are responding and make adjustments to our approach if needed.  My intention was never to be critical of homework to the point where my daughter felt I wasn't listening.  We talked about it, I explained my side and she explained hers.  I've also adjusted my approach just a little bit so that she knows I'm there to support her and not add to the pressure she is already putting on herself.  So far it's working, but who knows what words will be included in the next vocabulary list........

Fast forward two weeks, we are all gathering up our stuff getting ready to start our day.  She says “Don’t throw away the napkin I put in your lunch, ok?  But you can’t look until you get to work.”  Not really knowing what she was talking about, I agreed.  When I got to work, the first thing I did was pull out the napkin.  “Have a great day mommy!  I love you. –Punkin” with a great big heart at the bottom.  That’s all the proof I need, for today I’m doing something right.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

5th Grade Tales - Time Management

The first few weeks of school are always exciting.  There are new teachers, new classrooms, new friends, new supplies and new activities.  I love that my daughter can’t wait to get involved.  She’s chosen to take orchestra where she’ll learn, for the first time ever, to play the viola.  I have never seen her this motivated to practice anything!  She’s also decided to form a team with two friends to compete in the semester long competition of the “Battle of the Books”.  And this week following a successful classroom speech, she was elected to the Student Council, an honor that eluded her last year.  Her excitement is contagious.  It’s so much fun to watch her embrace these new experiences with the enthusiasm of what’s to come.  However, along with all of these fun activities come new responsibilities.  It’s quickly becoming apparent to me that she has also signed up to begin the life long journey towards “time management”. 

It truly is a journey isn’t it?  Does anyone at any point in their life ever perfectly manage their time?  I feel like I am at the opposite end of this spectrum – I am trying not to manage my time so closely.  After years of being on a constant schedule, of feeling like I have to be doing something at all times of the day to be “productive”, I find myself striving to manage my time less.  I’m trying to be more spontaneous.  I’m trying to accept that sitting, relaxing and doing “nothing” is okay and not something to feel guilty about.

The tough part is there is no right answer.  What works one day, may not work the next day.  I am excited for her to explore and experience these new activities.  I want them to stay fun.  I don’t want her to feel the stress of trying to fit it all in.  Isn’t that what time management is supposed to do – if you effectively manage your time you won’t be stressed?  Does it ever work that way?

The journey has begun and we will see where it takes us.  I know I’m not the only one with an over scheduled child, so if you have tips/tricks that work for you – share, we’re all in this together!  I’ll be sure to do the same.  Wish us luck! 

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Win or lose, I will always do my best

Before every softball game we said the Pledge of Allegiance followed by the Little League Pledge:

I trust in God, I love my country and will respect its laws

I will play fair, and strive to win

But win or lose, I will always do my best.

I was reminded of those words last night as I watched my daughter's team lose in the tournament semi-finals.  They were a great team that had a great season.  They battled until the very last out and ended up losing 4-3, a score that rarely happens in 10 and under softball.  As they stood along the base paths to receive their participation medals, the tears glistened in some of the player’s eyes.  My daughter stood there proudly, not a tear in sight.  It was only afterwards, as she consoled her teammates that the tears started.  She was sad that they were sad.  She’s always been our empathetic heart, feeling the emotions of her friends around her ever since she was a baby at day care.  Now on the softball field it’s no different.

I recently watched a wonderful interview with Dr. Shefali Tsabary where she talked about her book “The Conscious Parent”.  There were many ideas she brought up that really make you think about parenting in a whole different way and I can’t wait to read the book.  But one of the things that stood out was when she said “Our children are showing us a mirror to our undeveloped self.”  It’s a powerful, multi-layered statement.  Think about it and you’ll really examine your interactions with your children.  She goes on to say that traditionally the parental role focuses on the parent teaching the child, but in reality it is the child that teaches the parent. 

Never was that more true during this softball season.  In talking with a good friend about our past softball days, she described me as “intense”.  I know that’s accurate and have tried really hard not to reflect that intensity on my daughter.  From the beginning I stepped back and let her set the tone.  The season started with her getting hurt during her first practice.  It would have been easy for her to give up and quit, but she showed that she was tough and kept going.  She only got a couple hits all season, but she never let it get her down.  She stepped into the batter’s box and gave every pitch her all.  She was a great teammate, always cheering, always friendly and always smiling.  Most important, she had fun.  She never recited the Little League Pledge, turns out she didn’t have to.  “Always do my best” came naturally to her and I couldn’t be more proud.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

School's Out

Every year it catches me by surprise.  Every year I say, how did it go by so fast?  The end of the school year brings with it the feelings that the kids are growing up, getting bigger and getting older.  It gives us a reason to pause, reflect and remember.  By the comments that I’ve seen this week on facebook, I’m not the only one who feels caught up in what is truly a sea of emotions.

In the elementary school years, it’s easy to see the physical changes that can happen in less than a year.  Handwriting can change drastically.  Reading levels, skills and comprehension can be taken to another level.  Awareness of the world around them - scientific, social, economic and environmental – changes the conversations you have.  You see these little people emerging before your eyes and you get a glimpse of the person they will become.  All of this brings a surge of pride, excitement and anticipation, mixed with just a little relief.

Many of these changes could not occur without the influence of a good teacher.  When you really think about it, the relationship you develop with a teacher all occurs in less than 12 months, yet it can be one of the most significant relationships you will ever have.  There’s a quote you’ve no doubt heard: “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.”  The statement is never truer when it comes to great teachers who come into our life for a season.  In a time when teachers are mentioned in the same sentence as budget cuts or test scores, we’ve been fortunate to have had the experience where their dedication to the true calling of developing these children trumps all outside influences.  It is that level of dedication that causes my heart to swell with admiration, appreciation, gratitude, love and a little sadness to leave them behind.

The idea that you are moving on, while your teacher “stays behind”, gives the end of the school year the feeling that something is over.  There is a kind of finality to it.  We celebrate our children for successfully finishing the year and all that they have accomplished.  However, by doing this we create the mindset that when you are not in school it somehow indicates that you are “done”.  Consciously we know the need to learn is never really over.  How we instill that sense of constant wonder and continual striving for personal growth is key.  Let’s celebrate their accomplishments and enjoy the satisfaction of completing something.  Wipe away the tears of sadness that something is coming to an end.  Then we can look to future for all that is yet to explore and excitement of what is to come.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

The Hunt

Every year eggs are boiled, dyed, colored, filled and hidden for the annual egg hunt.  It’s an event that is looked forward to with excitement and anticipation.  During the event there are excited squeals, shouts of victory when an egg is found and a lot of scurrying around.

When you have toddlers, many of the eggs are hidden in plain sight.  Still unclear on the actual concept of the event, the children usually toddle around enjoying the excited energy but are not really sure what to do.  They may walk past eggs or they may pick up only one color.  They may lose interest before all the eggs are found, but they have a good time while it lasts.

As the kids get older it’s more about speed and quantity - who can find the most in the fastest time.  The hiding places get harder.  They are not as easy to find and require a little more patience in looking in every possible nook and cranny.  Yet they race around looking as quickly as the can, only pausing to count the number of eggs they have collected.

As adults we too engage in many “hunts” of our own.  Do we approach them with the same anticipation and excitement?  Or do we approach them with anxiety, dread and worry?  Do we toddle around passing up eggs that are in plain sight because we are unclear on what we are hunting for?  Or do we pass them up thinking that a better one will come along if we just keep looking?  Are we too focused on collecting only one color?  How did we decide that was the right color to look for?  Or are we racing around trying to do things quickly?  Are we so focused on quantity and speed that we forget what we are hunting in the first place?

If you are lucky enough to participate in an egg hunt this weekend with children, enjoy the excitement of the hunt.  There’s nothing like watching the pure enthusiasm, energy and joy of a child.  Watch out, it just might be contagious. 

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Look what I made!

This week our schools are going through standardized testing, so homework had a slightly different spin.  The fourth grade was given a list of creative assignments that they could complete for extra points.  At pick up Monday, she ran up bubbling with excitement “Mommy, look at my dolphin invention!”  The over-sized piece of paper had a detailed drawing of a boat, two dolphins and a net with an alarm/sensor on it.  It was a great drawing and I could tell she spent a lot of time on it.  “That’s really cool” I replied and we continued to the car. 

Meanwhile my kindergartner had a stack of papers and announced he was writing a book.  He had his name on the cover, a drawing on the first page and big plans for the rest.  Below the drawing was a sentence.  There is nothing cuter than the handwriting of a child who is learning to spell.  The words might not have all been spelled correctly, but you could definitely understand what he was trying to say.  “It looks great buddy, I can’t wait to read it!”

As we begin the short ride home and I hear the crumpling of paper.  The dolphins are now in a ball in the back seat. 

“What happened?  Why did you do that?” 

“I didn’t think it was very good.” 

“I thought it was great.  I wish you hadn’t crumpled it up.” 

“My friend told me that it wasn’t a good invention, so I couldn’t use it.” 

“Well it doesn’t really matter what your friend said.  If you think that it’s a good invention then you should use it.”

I didn’t push the conversation any farther.

Once we got inside the house I had the chance to look at the “book” in detail.  He asked me if “log” was spelled right (he meant to write “long”).  I sounded it out for him and he recognized his missing letter.  I was worried he would get down on himself for not spelling it correctly, like he had before, but he didn’t.  He squeezed the n into place and kept going.  He worked on the book, asking my opinion on topics, while I made dinner.  A short time later my daughter came in with a new drawing of the boat, two dolphins and the net alarm.   She decided that the idea wasn’t so bad after all and recreated it for her assignment.

Creative projects can be very rewarding experiences.  Anyone who has finished a piece of art (in any medium), cooked a delicious meal or planted a beautiful garden, knows that your body feels a physical rush of energy and emotion when you step back and look at what you created.  It’s a rewarding experience IF you allow yourself to have it.  It’s easy to let those thoughts of doubt sneak in and tell you that it’s not good enough.  It’s easy to give up, walk away and leave it unfinished.  Many give in to that doubtful voice.  Many will allow that doubtful voice to prevent them from even starting the project in the first place.

I've heard some people say “I’m not creative”.  I think that means that their definition of creativity is too narrow.  Creativity can be expressed not only through painting, drawing and sculpture, but also through cooking, gardening, interior design, dancing, yoga, wood working or writing.  When you allow yourself to get outside of your logical brain, chemicals are released that are only available when you open up your creativity.  You get into a flow.  You may even feel a balance and serenity you don’t feel in everyday interactions.  The art doesn’t have to be “good”, you just have to do it.  The only rule is not to listen when your critical voice tells you to stop.  Keep going.  Finish what you start.  In the end you might surprise yourself and say “Look what I made.”       

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Grand Adventure

For the last six months we have been counting down to this week, the fourth grade field trip to the Grand Canyon.  Visiting one of the 7 Natural Wonders of the World would be an exciting adventure in and of itself, but add-in waking up at 3am and riding on a charter bus, and you have an event that can only be compared to the anticipation of Christmas Eve.  It was a very BIG deal.

Her excitement was contagious (and mildly annoying at the same time - lol).  Each day would begin with the countdown of 5 more days, 4 more days, etc.  When the night finally came, I was the one waking up multiple times hoping that we didn’t over sleep the alarm.  Of course we did not, we got dressed, packed the bag, ate a little and joined the caravan of cars cruising down the sleepy street at 3:30 a.m.  There was a quiet, subdued buzz as we checked in with the others.  A quick hug and that was it, she was ready for whatever the day would bring.

I thought of her and the other fourth graders frequently throughout the day, following their itinerary and hoping that they were having fun.  I thought about how as a child, my neighborhood friends and I were always trying to create an adventure.  Whether it was riding down a side street we had never been down or finding a new area of the school yard to explore or trying a new “stunt”.  The rush, the thrill of not quite knowing how something was going to turn out, but being naive enough to trust that everything would be ok.  If you’ve never given much thought to the natural chemicals in our bodies, think back to a time when you felt that rush of excitement, adventure and anticipation, and you’ll quickly realize how powerful those chemicals really are.

So what happens to our adventurous spirit?  We get busy.  We like to plan.  We think of the risk.  We get nervous.  We stick to what we know.  It’s more predictable.  It’s safe.  It’s what we have time for.

But at what cost?  What happens when we stop pushing ourselves to have new experiences?  To step outside our comfort zone, to go on a true adventure?  Are we afraid we might be rejuvenated?  We might learn something new about the world, or ourselves?

Sixteen hours later, the charter buses pulled into the parking lot.  It was my turn to be excited (and relieved).  I scanned the crowd and found her on the final bus.  I couldn’t wait to hear the stories of the day and relive her adventure through her stories and photos. 

At the end of the day it’s the experience of the adventure that matters, not the scale.  It’s exploring somewhere you’ve never been or trying something new.  Simply naming it an “adventure” will set the tone, bring a little added anticipation and open you up to learning something new.  What adventure is waiting for you today?

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Quiet Time

A couple weeks ago my 5 year old came to me and said “Mommy can you open the door to the back yard, I’d like to go have some quiet time.”  I was intrigued.  Normally this little boy is a non-stop bundle of energy who barely slows down to eat, so I had to go with this and see how it played out.

I unlocked the door and watched from the window as he sat on a patio chair with his pad of paper and pen in hand.  He sat and doodled for a little bit, then got up, pushed the chair to what I assume was a “better spot”, sat back down and doodled some more.  This lasted a couple of minutes.  Then he came back in the house and asked me “Do you want to come outside and have some quiet time with me?”  How could I say no?  I picked up my book and went outside.  We set our chairs side by side and enjoyed the quiet sounds of a Sunday afternoon. 

In our always on, always connected, jam packed 24/7 days, I’m sure there are very few of us that have quiet time on a regular basis.  I came across a great quote by Rinpoche, who wrote Running with the Mind of Meditation:

 “The body benefits from movement, and the mind benefits from stillness.” 

If you Google “benefits of quiet time”, you find a list of articles that show how quiet time has been proven to help lower stress levels, lower blood pressure and help the body relax.  Studies have also shown that quiet time helps you to process the experiences you have which then enables you to develop a greater sense of compassion and understanding for others. 

Children are in constant motion.  On top of school and homework, there is no shortage of extra-curricular activities, play dates and birthday parties.  In the rare event they have down time, they don’t know what to do because they are so use to their lives being scheduled.  We need to show them that having this down time is ok, in fact it’s critical to our well-being.  By encouraging him to have his quiet time, I can reinforce the value of taking time to unplug from daily activities.  He won't consciously realize the benefits but hopefully it will become something that becomes part of a normal crazy day.

Lucky for me, having quiet time was not a one-time event.  Last Saturday morning he invited me outside and we enjoyed the quiet, cool morning together.  I’m still not exactly sure where a 5 year old comes up with the idea of quiet time, but I suspect Kindergarten had something to do with it (thank you Miss Lance!). 

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey