The Attitude of Gratitude

Once a year we take time out on a Thursday in late November to spend time with family and friends and reflect on all the blessings in our lives.  There is always a lot of planning, preparation, travel and sometimes a dash of tension.  But when the day finally comes, your heart is so full of gratitude it is impossible to contain it – it escapes your body through a smile, a hug, a Facebook post, a picture or a “remember when….”story.

So, why do we wait and only do this once a year?

If it starts within your heart, then at the very center of your heart it starts with being thankful.  This may seem like the most basic of things, so basic and automatic that we take it for granted.  Name 5 things that you are thankful for right now.  If those first 5 were easy, think of 5 more. Include the simple things, a good parking spot or time to read a magazine article or finding that one ingredient so that you don’t have to run to the store before you make dinner.

Studies have shown that people who express gratitude daily positively affect their physical health, moods and relationships. With so many scientifically proven benefits, why don’t we do more of it?  You may think that you are a thankful person, that every day you know how “lucky” you are, but do you take time to recognize it?  That is the key. 

We all teach our children to say thank you when they receive a gift, “Tell ____ thank you.” And maybe we set an example by thanking them for doing something nice for someone.  But how do we get our children to realize the value and power of thankfulness?  I believe that by incorporating small reminders into everyday activities you can create an attitude of gratitude that becomes second nature. 

One night while my husband was travelling, the kids and I were having a “sleepover”.  We all lay in my son’s room, read books and settled down for the night.  After we turned off the lights, I said “What are you thankful for and why?”  We went around the room a couple times each naming things that we were thankful for – a stuffed animal, having ice cream after dinner, family and friends.  This “game” became known in our house as “Thankful”.  My son now asks, “Mommy can we play Thankful?” when he is trying to squeeze out a few more minutes before we turn off the light.  How can I say no?  It’s the one time I am happy to extend our bedtime ritual.

Today I am thankful you took the time to read my blog!

Heart-FULLy yours,

 

Kacey

 

 

Push Pause

What is it about babies and TV remotes?  I know that we were not the only family to take an old remote and make it a toy so that our babies had their own (leaving the functioning remote for mom and dad, which in theory should have worked). In fact the remote had such an impact on our family that when it was time to learn the number 11, we had to explain that it did not mean “pause”.

Being able to “push pause” is something that takes a lot of practice, especially if you are in the heat of the moment.  It can be a very powerful tool in identifying and addressing emotions as they are happening.

Last week while getting ready for school, my son said that he wanted to walk to school.  My daughter protested and wanted to be dropped off. They knew that we could do one or the other.  I asked “Who should make the decision?”  They both replied “You.”  I said, “You realize that one of you is going to be disappointed, right?”  I was in a no win situation.  

 

I chose to walk and braced myself for what was to come.  Of course my daughter was upset and took off walking ahead of us.  I called out for her to wait for us, I knew this was a push pause moment.  When we caught up, I said “Are you sure this is how you want to start your day?  Are you sure that you want to go to school mad just because we are walking?  I don’t think that is how you want to start your day.”  Her reply was “But walking is so boring!  At least in the car there is music.”  So I got out my phone, she picked a song and we listened to music as we walked.  Three blocks later, she was helping her brother cross the street and was ready to take him to class.  Her bad mood was diffused and she was back on track to starting her day on a positive note.

The biggest challenge is being able to stop in the moment and identify when to hit the pause button. 

Most emotional outbursts happen while you are in the middle of something else (walking out the door, making dinner, doing homework).  It takes a lot of practice to bring everything to a halt and address the root cause of what is happening.  In many situations you might not be able to stop in the moment.  Later on in the day you may look back and think, I should have paused that situation.  That’s ok, just identifying it, knowing that you could have “pushed pause” is a step in the right direction. 

I want to know what you think, have you been successful in pausing a situation to diffuse an emotional outburst?  Is there another tactic that you’ve used that works for you?  Leave a comment below or send me an email, I’d love to hear your successes/challenges in these situations.

 
Until next week!
Heart-FULLy yours,

Kacey

Getting Started.........

We’ve all read quotes on how you can “choose to have a good day”.  For a long time, I never really understood how you could “choose” when:

• your alarm doesn’t go off or

• the kids are fighting or

•  you’re totally stressed out at work or

•  your to do list a mile long and it never gets any shorter or

• any combination/all of the above 

All these things happen all day, every day, without end or relief.  We react instinctively to each scenario, the emotions naturally happen, they’re what make me, ME…….right?

A couple years ago, I would have agreed that my reactions were not something within my power to control.  Almost by accident, I started listening to interviews, reading books, following blogs and slowly I started to realize that maybe there was some truth to it.  Maybe I did have more power than I thought I did.

This growth and awareness has been great for me, but it left me with the question:

“How can I put this into simpler terms for my kids so that they don’t have to wait as long as I did to figure it out?”

It Starts Within Your Heart began as a phrase I started using with my 8 year old. Her 5 year old brother had gotten angry, yelled at her for something she didn’t do and she was mad. When I went in to ask her something, she got angry with me.  It would have been easy to get mad back, and in many previous situations I did, but this day I didn’t.

I took a deep breath and tried something new.  I put the back of my hand on her chest with my fingers pinched together.  I explained that she had all these feelings in her heart, and I started wiggling my fingers.  Sometimes those feelings are so strong that they stretch out through your body, fly through the air and hit the people around you.  In this case, her brother’s anger had hit her, made her angry and now that anger was coming out to me.  I asked her if she was really mad at me.  She thought about it for a beat and said “No”. 

Now don't get me wrong, this was not a one time, set it and forget it, miracle cure.  However it did establish a visual context within which we can talk about her feelings.  I ask her if those are the feelings from her heart or is she bouncing off someone else’s feelings.  Getting this dialogue started, making her stop and think about it, was the first step. 

When you become aware of the root cause of your emotions/mood/attitude, your entire perspective/life changes.  Some people may credit this to being “older and wiser” but I can’t help but think how powerful it will be to directly teach this to children from the start. 

I started searching the internet for a place that would relate these concepts to children and parenting.  I couldn’t find one with my exact vision, so here I am - It Starts Within Your Heart.  I want this to be a place where I can the share ideas and activities that have (and have not) worked for me with my family.  I want to hear from you, start a conversation, and expand the ideas, so that together we can give our kids a solid foundation they can use for the rest of their lives.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment below.  Thanks for reading!

Heart-FULLy Yours,

Kacey