Happy New Year

As I’ve said before, I love writing this blog.  I think of topics throughout the week and then sit down to write the blog over the course of a day or so.  Last week something happened that’s never happened before – I completely forgot about writing the blog.  It wasn’t until Saturday night at dinner that it popped into my head that I hadn’t written it.  Usually when you have that moment of remembering something you forgot, you feel your pulse quicken with anxiety or that pit of regret in your stomach.  I felt none of those things.  Instead I felt a sense of calm.  There was not an ounce of panic or stress in my body whatsoever.  I actually felt a sense of joy at the realization that I had succeeded in completely unplugging during the holiday week.  I had put aside all forms of obligation and had stayed wholly in the moments of spending time with my family.  It was an incredible realization.  

Today we say good-bye to one year and welcome in a new year.  For some it’s a day of reflection and hope of possibilities to come.  Others may make resolutions and use this as a time to start something new.  While others might just curl up in the warmth of their home, go to sleep before midnight and wake up on Thursday.  Regardless of how you choose to mark the New Year, let me leave you with something to think about.  Author Sue Monk Kidd shared these words with Oprah during an episode of Super Soul Sunday.  

“We become what we pay attention to.” – Sue Monk Kidd

Where will your attention take you this year?

Have a Happy, Heart-FULL New Year! 

Kacey

Keeping Score

“But he got to help Daddy around the house yesterday by himself, today it’s MY turn to help Daddy without HIM!” said my daughter earlier this week.  She wanted “her share” of Daddy’s time and attention, which had be somewhat limited of late due to a busier than normal work schedule and a couple home projects.   The challenge was that she had a book report to finish and as much as she wanted to spend time helping out her dad, her priority had to be on her own work.  I took a deep breath, looked her in the eye and said “We don’t keep score in this family.  You will get your time with him.  It might not be as much as you wanted tonight but winter break is coming up and you will have plenty of time then.”  Even though it was not the answer that she wanted to hear, she didn’t protest any further.  Is it possible that my words actually made sense to her? 

As any parent knows, you try to balance your time with each of your children.  You try to give them individual time whenever possible, but in reality is it’s not always possible.  Many times it’s our own guilt that leads us to feel like we have to do something “special” with one child or the other to “make up” for time that you haven’t spent with them.  You subconsciously keep score of your actions, rate your success or failure and then figure out how to earn more points to make things right. 

Keeping score is a hot topic for me.  A few years ago I realized that keeping score had become such a normal way of thinking that it was present, at some level, in all my relationships.  (It could be something as simple as, they never texted me back.)  Once I made this connection, I heard many stories of struggles that people where having and many of them could be traced back to this idea of keeping score.  As a society it seems as though it’s become our default to have a tally in our head at all times.  You may not always realize you are doing it, but it impacts how you feel and how you react.  It takes a lot of effort to stop doing it.  You need to check in with yourself and ask, is this my true reaction or am I reacting this way because I’m keeping score?  Over these holiday weeks there will be many opportunities to keep score.  Gifts, time/money spent (or not spent), food prepared (or not prepared) and overall effort are all easy things to keep score of without even realizing it.  Resist the urge to keep that tally in your head.

Regardless of whether you are trying to balance time between your kids, or in a room full of family and friends celebrating the holidays, the only thing that matters is that you are together.   

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Scattered

I know that I am not alone in feeling like there are a million things going on and that there just isn't enough time to try to get everything done.  It’s left me feeling a little scattered and as a result my thoughts for today’s blog are going to jump around a little more than usual.

First an update, and it was all the fault of a turkey sandwich, my little one lost one of his front teeth.  A couple months ago I wrote about how I wasn't ready for the baby teeth phase to be over and this week that phase came to an end.  At least I squeezed out a couple more months and took a lot more pictures.  The other front tooth is hanging in there precariously and I wouldn’t be surprised if in a couple days we’re singing “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth”.

Secondly, I had an idea that I wanted to give a recap of the three best books I've read this year. 

        The Conscious Parent, Dr. Shefali Tsabary – No surprise here as I've quoted this book multiple times.  I’m warning you that it’s going to challenge many of the ways you think about yourself, your parenting style and your child as an individual soul.  You may need to read it in small doses so that it can truly sink in, but it’s worth it and you will be a better parent by the end. 

        Wild, Cheryl Strayed – I haven’t seen the movie, but can almost guarantee the book is better.  The story of a woman who when her life hits rock bottom, decides to go on a three month journey, alone, through the wilderness.  Wonderfully written, it’s hard to put down and left me thinking, if she can do that, what could I do? 

        My Stroke of Insight, Jill Bolte Taylor – The story of a brain scientist who has a stroke.  She recounts what the stroke was like from a scientific and personal perspective.  It’s fascinating to hear the science behind both the event and her recovery and what it took for her brain to heal.

Lastly in my blog of scattered topics, I was recently sent this quote “End worry by taking action”.  Hmmmm.  It’s so easy to get stuck over thinking and worrying about a situation or about how there are things are not going to get done.  You can end all that worry by taking action.  Just do something.  Even if it’s not related to what you are worried about, go out, or get up, and do something.  It doesn’t really do you any good to sit and worry, so why do it?  You might as well be productive and get something done!

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

It's All About Me

Your birthday is the one day out of the year that you can actually get away with feeling like the day is all about you.  Is there anything really wrong with that?  For 364 other days throughout the year you put others first, especially if you are a mom, so is it asking too much to have one day for yourself where you are the center of attention?  On the surface, being the “center of attention” has negative connotations.  It implies some level of selfishness or arrogance and so after years of conditioning we are taught to shy away from it.  On your birthday, you can truly embrace being the center of attention without feeling the slightest regret.

Over the years, your birthday celebrations change drastically.  We plan our children’s parties with sometimes extravagant themes, party venues, etc.  It’s worth every penny to see the joy and happiness on your little one’s face.  As the years go on, the parties may become smaller, as the price of the gifts become bigger.  When you get to your college years and beyond, the parties start much later and go into the wee hours of the night.  Presents are more often delivered in liquid form than as a package with a bow on it.  The next phase shifts to a nice dinner with a friend or two at a special restaurant, a mellow departure than days gone by.  And then things come full circle.  When you have kids of your own, they insist that birthdays require a cake with candles, presents and balloons.

When I woke up the morning of my birthday, I gave myself a pep talk (you might not admit to doing this, but trust me we all have that inner voice that talks to us).  I told myself that it was a special day and because it was my birthday it was going to be a great day.  I wasn’t going to let anything or anyone dampen my spirits.  As soon as I looked at my phone I began receiving messages from friends and family.  The thing I love the most about Facebook is that it is so easy to reach out to someone, no matter how much time has gone by or how many miles separate you, and let them know that you are thinking of them.  I continued on with my day like any Friday, volunteering in the first grade class.  When I arrived, my son proudly told his friends it was my birthday and they promptly began singing to me, cha cha cha’s included.  Then it was on to work, meetings, emails, etc.  Throughout the day I continued to get birthday wishes in the hall and on my phone.  They were little reminders that said to me why worry about (fill in the blank), it’s my birthday!  It was a subtle exercise that allowed me to put the present moment into perspective of the bigger picture.  It forced me to take stock in where my attitude was and allowed me to easily reset with the “it’s my birthday” mantra.  My day ended with my choice for dinner, presents, cake and more singing (of course).

In the end, the day was not physically different from any other day.  What was different was my perspective and my commitment to having a fun, positive day.  There’s really no reason why you can’t try to do that every day.  There are lots of things you could use as a reminders other than a texts/messages from a friend.  Every time you get a drink of water, or stand up from your chair, or hit send on an email – they are all opportunities to take a quick pause and check in with yourself to see if you are feeling how you want to feel in that moment.  I know that might sound really woo woo to you and like it’s a lot of hard work.  You might also be thinking that there are some days when it feels easier just to be in a grumpy/irritated/frustrated mood.  Those are all true and valid points.  But, if you can stop yourself even once during the day and evaluate your current feelings and perspective, you’ll not only feel better, but your day will turn out a little better than it would have.  

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey