Holiday Hangover

I tried really hard to think of another title for this blog as the word “hangover” is a little difficult to describe to a child.  My trusty Microsoft Word Thesaurus suggests the following – aftermath, leftover, relic, after-effect and legacy.

Aftermath is certainly the word that crossed my mind looking at the paper strewn living room on Christmas morning and realizing that it was only 7:30 am.  If only the kids would wake up with this much enthusiasm and energy on a school day, it would be so much easier to get ready in the morning.

Leftovers, literally, the turkey and ham that we have eaten in sandwiches and reheated for dinner.  The first night the children praised the food as the best meal they ever had.  Two short days later they could barely take a bite without trying to work their charm on mom and dad to convince us not to make them eat it.

Relic describes the lone decoration that I will find after all the boxes have been packed up and placed back in the garage.  Upon finding it I will wonder if it is worth getting the box out to put it away or will anyone really miss it if it doesn’t make it to see next year.  It's the metal ornament hanger you step on with bare feet in March wondering where it's been hiding all these months.  Relic is also the nostalgia I feel as I put away the years of handmade ornaments, remembering those pudgy cheeks and those tiny hands. 

After-effect is tucking my daughter in on Christmas night and her saying “I wish it was last night.”  Why is it that no matter what age we are, when we look forward to something so much, when it’s over we just wish we could live it all again?  Even when we are old enough to know better, no matter how hard we try to live in the moment and appreciate it as it happens, it all goes too fast.  We blink and it’s over.  We’re left with the after-effect, with the hangover if you will, that even though we are sad now, we would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Legacy is the memories that have been created.  The toys will break.  The clothes will be outgrown.  But the stories, and more importantly the love that was expressed and felt by all, will live forever.

If you are nursing a “Holiday Hangover”, you're not alone.  Maybe it’s time to start that memory box or for older children to write/journal about what was important and special to them this holiday.  The ultimate challenge is not to limit these experiences to just a couple times a year and to recognize the special experiences that happen every day.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Joy

There is a commercial on TV that shows clips of children opening presents.  Clip after clip of that moment of pure joy and excitement when the child recognizes what is under the wrapping.  I can’t help but smile when I see it because there is nothing like the feeling of watching your child, or anyone, open a gift that you’ve picked out and see their excitement. There is an innocence in the moment.  No feelings or emotions are held back.  The pure joy of the moment is contagious, it’s palpable.  You can feel the physical reaction inside of you.

This time of year we see “joy” literally everywhere we turn – on Christmas cards, in store windows, advertisements and ornaments.  In songs we sing “Joy to the World”, “Repeat the sounding joy” and “Tidings of comfort and joy”.  The word joy is unavoidable in the month of December, but are we paying attention?

Can you remember the last time you felt real joy?  When there is a to-do list a mile long, is there time to relax enough to experience joy?  Other times when we are faced with a joyful moment, we hold back.  We’re skeptical.  We think that if things are good now something bad must be around the corner.  It’s as if we try to prepare ourselves for the disappointment that will inevitably come. 

Author Brene’ Brown calls this “foreboding joy” - when we immediately follow up a joyful feeling or emotion with the feeling that something bad is going to happen.  We attempt to “dress-rehearse the tragedy” as if by expecting it, the hurt of the tragedy will be lessened.  What she’s found through her research is that the dress rehearsal does not take away, or lessen, the emotion when something bad does actually happen.  The only thing that happens is that you’ve missed out on the full experience of the joyful event.   She goes on to say that the difference she found when interviewing joyful people is that “instead of dress rehearsing the tragedy, they practice gratitude.”  By reminding themselves of all that they have to be grateful for, they are able to fully enJOY the moment.

What brings you joy?  Have you experienced this week?  If not, why not?  You have many opportunities to feel joy every day; embrace them and appreciate them.  Children experience joyful moments because they are open to them.  See the world through their eyes and experience again how powerful joy can feel.

 

JOY-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Making Memories

I don’t think I’m alone when I say that as a parent I feel an obligation to do special things that are going to turn into wonderful memories for my children.  Special events or activities that they can look back on and remember with love and appreciation in years to come.  The holiday season puts a magnifying glass on this feeling of obligation as we try to get the perfect outfit, perfect tree and perfect present to make it a year they will never forget.  

There have been many studies, books and television shows on how our brain works to store memories.  It is a complex process where the actual memory is broken up into pieces and stored in different parts of the brain.  When it is time to recall the memory, all the pieces (the setting, the sounds, the smells, the feelings) are all pieced back together again to make one cohesive story.  The brain connects and reconnects these pieces thousands of times so that the memory is stored in your brain.  (Yes, this is a very gross simplification of what happens but you get the idea.)

Why does the brain go to so much work to help us remember?  It’s what makes us human.  It’s what helps us to learn and grow from our past experiences.  When we recall a specific memory, it’s triggered by thinking about a person, a place, a song, a good meal or all of the above.  The best memories are those that bring a smile to your face.  The ones that make you feel that tingle of excitement and love as if you were right back in that moment.

Too often we wait for a memory to pop back into our head.  Why don’t we proactively think of a happy/fun/delicious/loving/exciting memory when we are having a bad day?  I am going to start a “Memory Box” with the kids.  Each of them will have their own box and we’ll have one for the family.  They’ll be able to put anything that they want into the box – a movie ticket, a good grade on a school paper, a note from a friend, a special drawing or art project – it can be anything.  When we need a little pick me up or just want to have a little fun, we’ll bring out the box and talk about what we’ve put in there.  I think it will be fun and I can’t wait to see what they come up with.  One thing I know will happen is that more of the "little things" that make it into the box.  It's not always the extravagant events, but the smaller things, like a note in the lunch box, that mean the most and make the best memory. 

Maya Angelou says it best:

 “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
  

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

I'll never........

Before you become a parent you have a list of I’ll never’s.  They go something like this:

I’ll never…..

…..let my child wear shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops in the middle of winter.

…..say “Because I said so.” Or “Because I’m the Mom.”

……let my kids eat junk food.  They’ll always eat three square meals a day with lots of fruits and vegetables.

…..let my child procrastinate on homework, we’ll never wait until the last night to finish a project.

…..let my child wear their Halloween costume out in public, unless it’s Oct 31^st.

…..stifle my child’s personality, I’ll give them the freedom to be who they are meant to be.

Maybe some of these sound familiar and I bet that there are probably a few others that you would add to the list.  The stark reality is that once you are in the middle of it, many of the things you thought you would do go out the window.  There’s a lot more compromise involved than you may have expected.  Many days it’s just about survival – getting out the door, going through the grocery store, eating something (anything) or making it through bath time.  Not sticking to your original intentions shouldn’t be judged as good or bad, circumstances change and compromises are reached.  You always have another shot, the next meal or outfit, to handle the situation differently.   

Some scenarios are not so cut and dry, especially when your child starts to develop their personality.  Currently I have a Social Butterfly and a Comedian.  On their own, there are wonderful advantages to these personalities.  The ability to talk to anyone, make friends easily and always have something to say will be traits that will serve her very well throughout her life.  My Comedian intuitively reads a situation and will try to lighten the mood or cheer you up by doing something funny. If he can continue to base his response to someone based on the mood of the room, it will benefit him in every aspect of his life.

The challenges with these big personalities usually come at the end of the day when it’s time to do homework or settle down for the night.  Everyone involved, kids and parents, are a little more tired than usual and patience is almost on empty for the day.  Managing the balance of personality and what needs to get done, is a daily task.  Some days it easy and some days it’s really hard.  But hopefully, by being conscious of it, you can find opportunities to encourage their personality traits to grow to counter balance those times you have to put the reins on it.

Will it work?  I’m not sure, but it’s worth a shot.  For now the biggest thing I’ve learned is that I’ll never say I’ll never.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

I love you no matter what

This week we were driving in the car singing with the radio.  When the song was over I asked the kids, “What does unconditional mean?”  They looked a little confused and weren’t quite sure. I told them “It means I love you no matter what.”  They paused for a moment and then began singing the next song.  Maybe not the exact reaction I was hoping for, but it’s a start to a conversation that we can continue to have the next time we hear the song.

Thanksgiving week is one of the few weeks in the year that we actually slow down enough to be grateful for what and who we have in our lives.  Throughout the week you go through a wide range of emotions: the obvious thankfulness, the sadness over missing someone no longer here, the happiness of catching up with someone you haven’t seen and the disappointment you feel on Sunday knowing it’s all coming to an end.  The common thread through all of these emotions is love.

Tomorrow we go back to our weekly routine.  We also start to plan and prepare for the next holiday, which will add a little more stress and craziness than usual.  It will be easy to get wrapped up in it all.  But it’s also the perfect chance to show, or simply tell someone “I love you no matter what.”

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey