What's your Heart Tune?

What’s your house like on Monday morning?  Is it quiet and relaxed?  Or is it frantic and chaotic?  Do you take the time to get organized and lay your clothes out the night before?  Or are there clothes and shoes and backpacks and lunches flying all over the place?  How many times does someone say “have you combed your hair?” or “I’m leaving in 5 minutes whether you are in the car or not?”  If Monday morning at your house was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?

Music can be a powerful influence, consciously and subconsciously.  We all have a song within us that plays every minute of every day.  You could think of it as your “heart tune”, the song that your heart is playing (others may call it your mood or your energy).

Think about all the heart tunes that are playing in your house on a typical Monday morning.  Chances are they sound loud, jumbled and unharmonious.  Anyone who had the choice would probably change the station rather than listen.

Try something new next week and play music while the family is getting ready.  If your mornings are usually chaotic, harried and stressful, pick mellow music.  You don’t have to go to the extreme and choose classical, just as long as it is more on the soothing side.  If your mornings are more lethargic and hard to get everyone going, then choose something more upbeat.  If you have a family favorite artist or group, even better, no one ever said you shouldn’t start your day off with a little dancing or singing.

Songs have the power to make us feel different ways just by listening to them.  Some songs make us want to sing along and dance, others make us want to sit and cry, while others remind us a special place or memory.  Think about the way your favorite song makes you feel.   Chances are it makes you feel physically different just by listening to it.  Your heart beats a little faster.  You have more energy and find yourself smiling for no reason.  That shift in energy stays with you.  It becomes your heart tune and everyone around you can hear it.  Not only do they hear it, but they react to it. 

Take some time this week to listen to the heart tunes that you, and those around you, are playing.  What does your heart tune say about you (or them)?  Is it time to change the station?  Or do you need to turn up your music to cheer up those around you?

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

I'm Bad

Those of you who know me, know that I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist.  I’d like to think that I have relaxed my expectations for myself and others over the years and that now I’m more of a “recovering perfectionist”.  It is a trait that I have been very conscious of when raising my kids.  I have never wanted them to feel like perfection was the only result I would accept.

In the book NutureShock: New Thinking About Children by Po Bronson, he talks about a study that was led by psychologist Carol Dweck.  In her research she found that telling children they were naturally smart, talented, etc. actually caused children to do worse on tasks that they found more challenging.  When they associated success with natural ability, they tended to give up faster because the tasks weren’t coming as easily to them as other tasks did.  However, when children were praised for their success by telling them how hard they tried, they did better on harder tasks.  These children associated success with effort so they stuck with tasks longer to try to figure them out.  (I’ve simplified this for the sake of time, but I think you get the idea.  I highly recommend the book if you want to learn more about this study and others.)

I read this book a few years ago as my daughter started school and think that we have done a pretty good job in praising effort versus natural smarts.  That is why the last few weeks with my Kindergartener have been so surprising. 

Let me explain.  As with any five year old, there are times when behaviors must be corrected.  Over the last couple weeks, we have noticed that when one of us reprimands our son, he reacts by saying “I’m a bad kid” and goes into full melt down mode.  It’s baffling because we’ve never used those words and are not sure where he got it from.  As a recovering perfectionist, the bells go off in my head that he is reacting this way because he thinks that he has to be perfect (even though logically I know that’s not the case, but what if…..).  It’s been a bit of a challenge because either way, within seconds we go from correcting a behavior to consoling and explaining that it doesn’t make you a “bad kid”.

The best advice I ever got for being a parent is “it’s only a phase”.  I know that this is a phase and we will get past it.  In the meantime, it’s reminded me how important it is to look at the words we choose, like in the study of saying “smart” vs. trying hard/doing your best.  I suppose the same logic could be applied in our current situation describing behavior as being “bad” vs. being a nicer friend or classmate or brother.  Obviously, I haven’t quite figured out the answer to this one and when I do, I’ll let you know.  If you have ideas on what’s worked for you, please share in the comments below.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

9 Tips for 9 Years Old

There are many articles going around the Internet talking about things to teach your daughter.  So in honor of my daughter’s 9^th birthday this week, and this being my 9^th blog post, I put together my list of 9 tips for being 9 years old:

 

1.   There is only one YOU.  No one else is exactly like you.  Don’t change your clothes, your feelings or your ideas just because you are afraid of what your friends will think.  However, if you are afraid of what mom or dad might think, then think twice and make sure it’s a really good idea/feeling/piece of clothing :)

2.   Be a good friend.  You are an outgoing girl who makes friends easily.  It is a wonderful trait to have and one that is going to bring many people into your life.  Be the friend that you want other people to be to you – nice, kind, helpful and a good listener.  When you do your part, the rest is up to them.  If they aren’t being a good friend to you, then maybe you need to spend more time with the people who are. 

3.   You don’t have to be in school to learn.  The world is a great big place and school can’t possibly teach you about everything.  If you want to know more about something, let’s explore it and learn everything we can about it.

 

4.   Always tell the truth, it’s easier to remember.  There’s no need to explain this great saying from Daddy’s Memere.

 

5.   It’s ok to make mistakes. This is going to be a hard one for you, but you will actually learn more when you make a mistake than when you do something is really easy for you.  Just know that Daddy and I will never be upset as long as you tried your best.  We’ll always be here to help you try again, no matter how many times it might take.

 

6.   Find at least 3 things to be thankful for every day.  We have been blessed.  It’s important that we take time, especially on the hard days, to be thankful for the people and experiences we have in our lives.

 

7.   Help others.  We are here to help each other.  It’s as simple as holding a door for someone, giving someone a hug when they are feeling down or helping a teacher.  Doing things for others will not only make them feel good, but you will feel good as well. 

 

8.   Love your brother.  You may find him annoying and like to refer to him as your little “bother”, but wouldn’t life at home be boring without him?  He’s already shown that he can cheer you up when you are feeling sad.  I think you’ll find he’ll be a friend to you like no other.

 

9.   It starts within your heart.  Every emotion, every feeling, every response you have all starts within your heart.  If you are ever feeling something that you don’t like, then look inside of you to find out why.  Once you see why you feel that way, you have the power to change it. 

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Quiet Time

A couple weeks ago my 5 year old came to me and said “Mommy can you open the door to the back yard, I’d like to go have some quiet time.”  I was intrigued.  Normally this little boy is a non-stop bundle of energy who barely slows down to eat, so I had to go with this and see how it played out.

I unlocked the door and watched from the window as he sat on a patio chair with his pad of paper and pen in hand.  He sat and doodled for a little bit, then got up, pushed the chair to what I assume was a “better spot”, sat back down and doodled some more.  This lasted a couple of minutes.  Then he came back in the house and asked me “Do you want to come outside and have some quiet time with me?”  How could I say no?  I picked up my book and went outside.  We set our chairs side by side and enjoyed the quiet sounds of a Sunday afternoon. 

In our always on, always connected, jam packed 24/7 days, I’m sure there are very few of us that have quiet time on a regular basis.  I came across a great quote by Rinpoche, who wrote Running with the Mind of Meditation:

 “The body benefits from movement, and the mind benefits from stillness.” 

If you Google “benefits of quiet time”, you find a list of articles that show how quiet time has been proven to help lower stress levels, lower blood pressure and help the body relax.  Studies have also shown that quiet time helps you to process the experiences you have which then enables you to develop a greater sense of compassion and understanding for others. 

Children are in constant motion.  On top of school and homework, there is no shortage of extra-curricular activities, play dates and birthday parties.  In the rare event they have down time, they don’t know what to do because they are so use to their lives being scheduled.  We need to show them that having this down time is ok, in fact it’s critical to our well-being.  By encouraging him to have his quiet time, I can reinforce the value of taking time to unplug from daily activities.  He won't consciously realize the benefits but hopefully it will become something that becomes part of a normal crazy day.

Lucky for me, having quiet time was not a one-time event.  Last Saturday morning he invited me outside and we enjoyed the quiet, cool morning together.  I’m still not exactly sure where a 5 year old comes up with the idea of quiet time, but I suspect Kindergarten had something to do with it (thank you Miss Lance!). 

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey