Look what I made!

This week our schools are going through standardized testing, so homework had a slightly different spin.  The fourth grade was given a list of creative assignments that they could complete for extra points.  At pick up Monday, she ran up bubbling with excitement “Mommy, look at my dolphin invention!”  The over-sized piece of paper had a detailed drawing of a boat, two dolphins and a net with an alarm/sensor on it.  It was a great drawing and I could tell she spent a lot of time on it.  “That’s really cool” I replied and we continued to the car. 

Meanwhile my kindergartner had a stack of papers and announced he was writing a book.  He had his name on the cover, a drawing on the first page and big plans for the rest.  Below the drawing was a sentence.  There is nothing cuter than the handwriting of a child who is learning to spell.  The words might not have all been spelled correctly, but you could definitely understand what he was trying to say.  “It looks great buddy, I can’t wait to read it!”

As we begin the short ride home and I hear the crumpling of paper.  The dolphins are now in a ball in the back seat. 

“What happened?  Why did you do that?” 

“I didn’t think it was very good.” 

“I thought it was great.  I wish you hadn’t crumpled it up.” 

“My friend told me that it wasn’t a good invention, so I couldn’t use it.” 

“Well it doesn’t really matter what your friend said.  If you think that it’s a good invention then you should use it.”

I didn’t push the conversation any farther.

Once we got inside the house I had the chance to look at the “book” in detail.  He asked me if “log” was spelled right (he meant to write “long”).  I sounded it out for him and he recognized his missing letter.  I was worried he would get down on himself for not spelling it correctly, like he had before, but he didn’t.  He squeezed the n into place and kept going.  He worked on the book, asking my opinion on topics, while I made dinner.  A short time later my daughter came in with a new drawing of the boat, two dolphins and the net alarm.   She decided that the idea wasn’t so bad after all and recreated it for her assignment.

Creative projects can be very rewarding experiences.  Anyone who has finished a piece of art (in any medium), cooked a delicious meal or planted a beautiful garden, knows that your body feels a physical rush of energy and emotion when you step back and look at what you created.  It’s a rewarding experience IF you allow yourself to have it.  It’s easy to let those thoughts of doubt sneak in and tell you that it’s not good enough.  It’s easy to give up, walk away and leave it unfinished.  Many give in to that doubtful voice.  Many will allow that doubtful voice to prevent them from even starting the project in the first place.

I've heard some people say “I’m not creative”.  I think that means that their definition of creativity is too narrow.  Creativity can be expressed not only through painting, drawing and sculpture, but also through cooking, gardening, interior design, dancing, yoga, wood working or writing.  When you allow yourself to get outside of your logical brain, chemicals are released that are only available when you open up your creativity.  You get into a flow.  You may even feel a balance and serenity you don’t feel in everyday interactions.  The art doesn’t have to be “good”, you just have to do it.  The only rule is not to listen when your critical voice tells you to stop.  Keep going.  Finish what you start.  In the end you might surprise yourself and say “Look what I made.”       

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

I'm Bad

Those of you who know me, know that I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist.  I’d like to think that I have relaxed my expectations for myself and others over the years and that now I’m more of a “recovering perfectionist”.  It is a trait that I have been very conscious of when raising my kids.  I have never wanted them to feel like perfection was the only result I would accept.

In the book NutureShock: New Thinking About Children by Po Bronson, he talks about a study that was led by psychologist Carol Dweck.  In her research she found that telling children they were naturally smart, talented, etc. actually caused children to do worse on tasks that they found more challenging.  When they associated success with natural ability, they tended to give up faster because the tasks weren’t coming as easily to them as other tasks did.  However, when children were praised for their success by telling them how hard they tried, they did better on harder tasks.  These children associated success with effort so they stuck with tasks longer to try to figure them out.  (I’ve simplified this for the sake of time, but I think you get the idea.  I highly recommend the book if you want to learn more about this study and others.)

I read this book a few years ago as my daughter started school and think that we have done a pretty good job in praising effort versus natural smarts.  That is why the last few weeks with my Kindergartener have been so surprising. 

Let me explain.  As with any five year old, there are times when behaviors must be corrected.  Over the last couple weeks, we have noticed that when one of us reprimands our son, he reacts by saying “I’m a bad kid” and goes into full melt down mode.  It’s baffling because we’ve never used those words and are not sure where he got it from.  As a recovering perfectionist, the bells go off in my head that he is reacting this way because he thinks that he has to be perfect (even though logically I know that’s not the case, but what if…..).  It’s been a bit of a challenge because either way, within seconds we go from correcting a behavior to consoling and explaining that it doesn’t make you a “bad kid”.

The best advice I ever got for being a parent is “it’s only a phase”.  I know that this is a phase and we will get past it.  In the meantime, it’s reminded me how important it is to look at the words we choose, like in the study of saying “smart” vs. trying hard/doing your best.  I suppose the same logic could be applied in our current situation describing behavior as being “bad” vs. being a nicer friend or classmate or brother.  Obviously, I haven’t quite figured out the answer to this one and when I do, I’ll let you know.  If you have ideas on what’s worked for you, please share in the comments below.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey