What is your Super Power?

This week my daughter and her friends were having a discussion about super heroes and their super powers.  It was no surprise that each friend choose a different super power.  We did a similar ice breaker at work.  My co-workers had some great answers, many involving time travel. Me?  I would choose teleportation so that with snap of my fingers I would instantly be where I needed to be.

All this talk got me thinking, what’s so great about these Super Heroes anyway?  Superman is pretty powerful in every way, but put him around kryptonite and he’s nearly helpless.  Spiderman can fly through the air and spin webs, but he is not the biggest or the strongest. Batman is the only one with a sidekick and without his car and gadgets, what can he do?  Obviously the creators had to give these heroes human qualities to make them relatable.  However, when you think of a Super Hero you are much more likely to think of their strengths than their weaknesses.

Often we use the term Super Mom or Super Dad, especially on days where we’ve taken on the bad guys, performed the impossible and still managed to save the day in one way or another.  On these days you feel as though you are literally wearing a cape and you earned the praise of those around you, “I don’t know how you do it!”  Do you shy away from this praise?  Or do you give yourself the proper credit for all that you do?  You may be modest and down play it, but why?  Who ever said that it was a bad thing to toot your own horn?  Embrace the praise.  And if no one is around to literally pat you on the back then take the time to acknowledge yourself.  It may feel a little awkward at first but if you did the impossible, be proud of yourself.

It’s important to recognize your inner Super Hero in that moment because we all know that it doesn't last long.  The kryptonite appears, the web slows you down or you can't grab the gadgets off your belt fast enough.  Nothing goes right, you’re late for every appointment, you have nothing to cook and the dog literally eats the homework.  What happened to all the super powers?  You may feel as if your powers deserted you.  What was possible one day may be impossible the next day and that is ok.

It’s easy for “type A” personalities like me to come to expect that every day should be a Super Mom or Super Dad day.  It’s easy to get frustrated with yourself or with the situation when things are not going as expected.  On these days your powers have not been diminished, they’ve just taken a different form.  The thing that all parents have to remember is – being a Super Mom or Super Dad isn’t about your Super Powers, your kids think you are Super just because you are you.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

What's the Scoop?

My first grader came home very excited - he was chosen to be the class news reporter for the week.  The assignment is to select three news stories that happen this week by watching the TV news, reading the newspaper or looking on the internet.  Once found, he has to write a couple sentences on a piece of paper (that looks like an ice cream scoop).  On Friday he will “report” his news to the class.

This is a great exercise to get the kids involved with current events and learn about new things/topics.  The only problem is that we don’t watch the news in our house.  In fact shortly after we had our first born, we made the conscious decision to ban all news because it’s so incredibly negative.  As you listen, you can’t help but think, what if that was me and my family?  Letting your mind wander on those thoughts is enough to drive you insane.  Author Brene’ Brown refers to this as “foreboding joy”.  In one example she describes feeling overwhelming love for your children as you watch them sleep.  Then you follow that joyful feeling with the worry/fear that they would stop breathing or something equally horrible would happen.  You end up being consumed with the worry of what might happen instead of enjoying exactly how things are right now.

However, an interesting thing happens when you stop looking at the negative news.  When you start actively looking for the positive, it starts showing up more often all around you.  On Facebook, more people are posting/sharing positive, feel good stories.  Corporations are also starting to embrace this.  Starbucks has long been a leader in positivity running in store promotions to create jobs for veterans and printing cups with positive affirmations.   Chipotle also has a new project where they have teamed with authors and thought leads to write short excerpts on their cups and bags.  The one I received was titled “A Two-MinuteCase for Optimism” by Steven Pinker.  He writes on this exact topic, how easy it is to get discouraged by the negative news until you start to look more closely at the numbers.  It’s a great read, delivered in a very interesting way; I just hope that people take notice before they throw it away.  If you think about it this applies to many things – it’s all right in front of us, are we taking the time to see it?  Or do we assume it’s like everything before it and throw it away without even looking?

After all of these thoughts ran through my head, I figured I’d just have to let it all go and hope for the best.  My son woke up the first morning and was eager to turn on the news and get started.  I tried to pick a local station that I thought would have more community stories and less sensationalism.  (Because really, how do you explain ebola to a 6 year old in 2-3 sentences?)  The broadcast started with the overnight stories including a house fire, wrong way driver car accident and a local shooting.  We talked about these a little bit, but thankfully he didn’t get too focused on them.  Luckily the news commercial previewed new seasonal jobs at Amazon, so he was holding out to cover that story.  He wrote up his first scoop and we’ve got one down, two to go.  I know that we can’t avoid all of the negative and I’m prepared to have those conversations as they come up.  But I also have to admit that I will be gently steering him towards the more positive news stories so that he learns that sharing these stories is much more fun.  

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

If you are interested in reading the Two-Minute Case for Optimism it can be found here: http://cultivatingthought.com/author/steven-pinker/

3:1 Odds

If you are a gambling person and I gave you 3:1 odds (you bet $1 and win, I’ll give you $3) you’d probably take the bet.  If I increased the odds to 5:1, I’d probably get a lot more of you to take the bet.  For $1 I’m offering 3x or 5x in return, which seems like a pretty great deal, right?

Now, what if I told you that studies have shown it takes 3 positive experiences to overcome 1 negative experience?  Barbara Fredrickson is one of the pioneers of positive psychology.  Her studies have found that one negative experience has the power of three positive experiences.  Further studies have shown a successful marriage needs a ratio of 5 positives to every 1 negative.

What do you think?  Does that sound high to you?  Let’s think about it for a minute.  How often does something happen to you in the morning that really irks you?  You may get busy doing other things and forget about it, but it’s left its mark.  Later in the day it pops into your head and you get irritated all over again.  Whereas the same type of positive thing might happen, i.e. there is no morning struggle getting out the door, but does that ever pop back into your head thinking about how nice it was to have a drama free morning?  Probably not, I’d guess you’re more likely to remember the person who cut you off driving or the rude cashier who gave you your coffee.

I think we’d all agree that in many situations we let the negative linger, while the positives pass through.  But let’s now take it a step further and look at the ratio in terms of money.  If you paid $1 for something and later I came along and gave you $2, you’ve come out on top for the day.  That should make you pretty happy, right?  However in terms of Fredrickson’s ratio, this gain would not be enough.  You would still be lamenting on the fact that you spent $1.  Does that make any sense?  If at the end of the day more good things happen to you than bad things, didn’t you come out ahead?  What good is it doing to dwell on the one negative, when there are so many positives surrounding you?

Yes, I know what you are thinking, this is another “easier said than done” topic.  And I know you will have days that those negative experiences need more than a warm hug or a friendly cashier to make up for them.  The first step is just to be aware.  The next time you are in the middle of dwelling on a negative experience, stop and acknowledge that you are dwelling on it.  Take a minute to think of the three good things that have happened that would counteract the negative one.  Maybe that will help you put things in perspective.  Or maybe you’ll go right back to dwelling on the negative and that’s okay.  Good things are all around us if we take the time to acknowledge them.  Who knows with some practice you may be able to change  your ratio.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

The Happiest Place on Earth

Schedules are hard to coordinate, even when there are only four of you.  That is why it took us two years and lots of planning to surprise our kids with a trip to Disneyland.  At ages 9 and 6, they are the perfect age to enjoy the wonders of the Happiest Place on Earth.    I couldn’t help but think, will they think it’s the Happiest Place on Earth?  That’s a pretty big title to live up to, would the kids agree?  I also couldn’t help but think of my own words from last week – I had a belief that this was going to be a fantastic, one of a kind trip, which led to an agenda and expectations.  I knew that everything would not go as planned, but was I ready for the reaction that would follow?

The exciting thing about going on vacation is that it’s out of your normal routine so even the simplest things, like a hotel room, seem extraordinary.  On our bed was a pillow with a lyric from Cinderella “A dream is a wish your heart makes”.  It’s a lyric we’ve all heard many times before, but I’ve never taken the time to really think about it.  You may have tried to interpret the meaning of a dream or day dreamed about something you really want to do.  But have you ever really thought of where that dream came from?  Is a dream our heart’s way of trying to get our attention?  Hmmm….

Of course I haven’t uncovered some big mystery; every Disney story has a universal message about life, love and understanding.  Each movie gives us an easy opportunity to talk to our kids about concepts that may otherwise be difficult to explain.  How often do we have that conversation?  Talking about how the characters must feel and the actions that they took are easily related back to “real life”.  All we need to do is take the time to talk about it instead of instantly moving onto the next.

Our trip, like all trips, had its ups and downs – sick kids, melt downs, long lines and warmer than usually weather.  However, those things were quickly forgotten when we were on the rides flying through the galaxy, racing cars and trains with the wind in our hair, screaming with joy around the loop-de-loop, getting spooked by ghosts and pirates and laughing as we sped down the hill knowing there was cold water waiting at the bottom.  On Splash Mountain, after you are soaking wet there is one more scene for you to go through where the animals are all singing Zip-A-Dee-Do-Dah.  Simple lyrics with a catchy tune, it’s impossible not to sing along and leave smiling.  My oh my what a wonderful day - now go enjoy it.   

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey