3:1 Odds

If you are a gambling person and I gave you 3:1 odds (you bet $1 and win, I’ll give you $3) you’d probably take the bet.  If I increased the odds to 5:1, I’d probably get a lot more of you to take the bet.  For $1 I’m offering 3x or 5x in return, which seems like a pretty great deal, right?

Now, what if I told you that studies have shown it takes 3 positive experiences to overcome 1 negative experience?  Barbara Fredrickson is one of the pioneers of positive psychology.  Her studies have found that one negative experience has the power of three positive experiences.  Further studies have shown a successful marriage needs a ratio of 5 positives to every 1 negative.

What do you think?  Does that sound high to you?  Let’s think about it for a minute.  How often does something happen to you in the morning that really irks you?  You may get busy doing other things and forget about it, but it’s left its mark.  Later in the day it pops into your head and you get irritated all over again.  Whereas the same type of positive thing might happen, i.e. there is no morning struggle getting out the door, but does that ever pop back into your head thinking about how nice it was to have a drama free morning?  Probably not, I’d guess you’re more likely to remember the person who cut you off driving or the rude cashier who gave you your coffee.

I think we’d all agree that in many situations we let the negative linger, while the positives pass through.  But let’s now take it a step further and look at the ratio in terms of money.  If you paid $1 for something and later I came along and gave you $2, you’ve come out on top for the day.  That should make you pretty happy, right?  However in terms of Fredrickson’s ratio, this gain would not be enough.  You would still be lamenting on the fact that you spent $1.  Does that make any sense?  If at the end of the day more good things happen to you than bad things, didn’t you come out ahead?  What good is it doing to dwell on the one negative, when there are so many positives surrounding you?

Yes, I know what you are thinking, this is another “easier said than done” topic.  And I know you will have days that those negative experiences need more than a warm hug or a friendly cashier to make up for them.  The first step is just to be aware.  The next time you are in the middle of dwelling on a negative experience, stop and acknowledge that you are dwelling on it.  Take a minute to think of the three good things that have happened that would counteract the negative one.  Maybe that will help you put things in perspective.  Or maybe you’ll go right back to dwelling on the negative and that’s okay.  Good things are all around us if we take the time to acknowledge them.  Who knows with some practice you may be able to change  your ratio.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey