Happy Heart Day

Valentine’s Day used to be so easy – you’d buy a box of small cards with your favorite character and fill them out with the names of your classmates.  Now it’s not enough just to have a cute little card, you also have to have a piece of candy, pencil or tattoo.  Some kids (ahem, parents) take it to the next level and hand make 20+ Valentines with decorations and witty sayings and clever “gifts”.  It’s enough to drive a parent crazy J.

This week in first grade we didn’t have a spelling test due to parent teacher conferences.  So instead I helped the students hand out their Valentine cards.  The teacher (and a helper) had decorated cereal boxes for each student and lined them up in the hall.  One by one each child came out and delivered their Valentine’s to their classmate’s box.  First grade is a special year because they can finally address the cards themselves and read the names on each box.  One by one they took out their treasured cards with care, making sure that the pencil/candy/sticker was attached perfectly before dropping it in the box.  Most of the girls took their time, not wanting any help, enjoying every moment.  Even the new boy, who doesn’t speak much English, carefully matched the candy with the name and selected a specific pencil for each classmate before dropping it in the box.  It was such a simple task, almost a throw away moment, but reflecting on it now fills me with joy because I know that they got it.  They understand with their youthful innocence that February 14^th is first and foremost about showing someone, anyone, you care about them.  It really is that simple. 

A heart is such a simple shape.  Beneath the simplicity, it is so complex.  Our heart is our life.  It beats faster when we are excited, happy, scared or anxious.  It fills us up with pride, love and emotions.  When we are sad it can feel as if it has literally turned into a stone in the center of our chest.  Our heart radiates these feelings through us like a pebble dropping in a still pond, rippling from the inside out, washing over everyone we come into contact with.  Our heart talks to us and guides us, if we listen. 

Writing about love and hearts is hard to do without quoting a line from a song, movie or book - All you need is love, The Power of Love, Listen to your Heart, Love Actually – the list goes on and on.  The need to feel love, to give love and to try to understand love is universal.  Life without love?  I just don’t think that’s how it is meant to be.  We’re all in this together, to love and support each other through thick and thin.  If you have any doubts, I know some first graders who can show you the true meaning of friendship, love and caring.

  

Heart-FULLy Yours, 

Kacey

Battery Drain

I recently listened to a webinar hosted by parenting expert Carrie Contey.  As I anticipated, the webinar was filled with ideas and different perspectives on the role of parenting, some of which I had never thought of before.  For example, the relationship that we have with our “little people” is very short, maybe fifteen years.  After that, and for the majority of our lives, our relationships with our children continue on as adult to adult relationships.  Even though that is a pretty obvious statement, it struck me as something I had never really thought about in that way before.    Of course every parent is doing their best to lay the foundation for their child, to prepare them so that they can grow up and be successful in the world.  But not only are you helping them to develop, you are creating your relationship dynamic.  It got me thinking, what would I do differently (if anything) if I approached this parent child relationship from the perspective that this is just the beginning of our lifelong experience?

Carrie also shared an analogy related to the importance of self-care.  Anyone who knows me knows that this is a topic that I am passionate about so my ears naturally perked up.  She likened a parent to a cell phone.  We all know a cell phone needs to be plugged into the wall at least once a day to recharge the battery.  Not only that but the more you use your phone the faster it drains the battery.  I don’t think anyone would disagree that they need to recharge every day, however do you take into account how much you are “using your phone”?  The word drain is so perfect in this analogy because how many times have you gone to pick up the kids feeling just that, completely drained?  I know many of us think that our time to recharge is after the kids go to bed, and most days that might work.  But if our battery is on 10% at 5:00, do we recognize that we don’t have enough juice to keep going for three more hours?

Carrie goes on to explain why recognizing this is so important.  Just like us, our little people also need to be recharged, but they don’t know how to do it on their own.  They have to plug into the parent and take energy from the parent to recharge.  If the parent is drained, they can sense that and will cling to you more (sound familiar?).  At that point their charge is also so low that they will take any of your attention, even if it is negative. 

Recognizing that this is happening with your children takes practice.  For example when you’re in the middle of a homework meltdown, realizing that this may be less about the homework and more about the fact that they are physically and emotionally drained from their day is a game changer as to how you address the situation.  Or when the bedtime routine is met with resistance at every turn, it may be more about being over tired than your child trying to push your buttons.    

As always, it has to start with us.  We have to recognize when our battery is getting to that low state and take action to recharge right then and there.  Carrie calls them “micro charges”.  It could be as simple as taking a deep breath, repeating a mantra, jumping up and down or giving your little one a hug.  If you have a little more time you could take a walk, watch a funny video or send a quick note to friend.  The important thing is not what you do, but that you do something.  Don’t hesitate to involve the kids.  Set aside five minutes when you first get home to unwind and recharge together (maybe you crank the music and have a dance party or build a Lego village).  Not only will these things help you all recharge enough to get through the night, but you’ll also be establishing self-care habits that will last a lifetime.

  

Heart-FULLy Yours, 

Kacey

Sleep

Before I got pregnant, I took sleep for granted.  During pregnancy your body starts to train you for the sleepless nights to come.  You wake up multiple times a night and can never seem to get truly comfortable.  Then the baby comes and you are up multiple times a night feeding, soothing, doing laps around the house.  I still remember that first night where I slept for five hours straight – my excitement for five continuous hours of sleep, quickly turned to panic over why hasn’t anything happened in five hours (everything of course was fine).  Those were the days that you realized that with five hours of sleep you felt amazing and the fog had lifted from your brain.

It took those drastic experiences for me to realize how different you feel and act after a good night sleep.  As a result, I am very aware of how much sleep we get as a family.  I’ve noticed that even a difference of 30 minutes can make homework the next day more of a struggle.  Or sometimes the opposite happens, when that feeling of over tiredness starts to set in, my son does the opposite, to resist the crash he ramps up, sometimes becoming more hyper as it gets closer to bedtime.  It’s been extremely helpful to us as parents to recognize that the lack of sleep is going to lead to behavioral challenges later in the day.  When we make ourselves aware ahead of time, it’s easier for us to react when the melt down/outburst/attitude comes knowing that it is caused by a lack of sleep.

Many of us are diligent with our children because we know how important sleep is for a growing child.  But like many things, we change the rules when it comes to ourselves.  There is always so much to do!  We “burn the candle at both ends” to try to fit in all our obligations: things that have to be done, things that we’ve committed to someone else that we will do and the things that we want to do.  To make things worse, our society have made getting less sleep a badge of honor.  You read interviews about highly successful people who get 4-5 hours of sleep a night.  Think about how much more they get done having an extra 3-4 hours to work instead of sleep.  Personally, I just don’t believe that you can function at your highest potential on that little sleep.  Arianna Huffington also talks about this in her book Thrive.  She talks about how she used to be one of those people getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night when launching the Huffington Post, but now has realized what a toll it took on her and how unhealthy it is.   Her book goes on to discuss how as a society we need to change our definition of success and getting more quality sleep is a key component that she discusses in detail.  It’s a great book with some interesting ideas, I definitely recommend it. 

Making sleep a priority, for you or your children, may require changes in your current routine.  It may be tough at first, but when you start to notice the changes in your mood and your kid’s moods you realize how powerful the shift is.  Now granted, you’re not always going to get the perfect night sleep every single night.  But on those days that follow, try to keep it front of mind.  Remind yourself that your reactions, or your children’s reactions, may be the result of being over tired - simply acknowledging that fact may help side step an epic melt down.

Heart-FULLy Yours, 

Kacey

It's All About Me

Your birthday is the one day out of the year that you can actually get away with feeling like the day is all about you.  Is there anything really wrong with that?  For 364 other days throughout the year you put others first, especially if you are a mom, so is it asking too much to have one day for yourself where you are the center of attention?  On the surface, being the “center of attention” has negative connotations.  It implies some level of selfishness or arrogance and so after years of conditioning we are taught to shy away from it.  On your birthday, you can truly embrace being the center of attention without feeling the slightest regret.

Over the years, your birthday celebrations change drastically.  We plan our children’s parties with sometimes extravagant themes, party venues, etc.  It’s worth every penny to see the joy and happiness on your little one’s face.  As the years go on, the parties may become smaller, as the price of the gifts become bigger.  When you get to your college years and beyond, the parties start much later and go into the wee hours of the night.  Presents are more often delivered in liquid form than as a package with a bow on it.  The next phase shifts to a nice dinner with a friend or two at a special restaurant, a mellow departure than days gone by.  And then things come full circle.  When you have kids of your own, they insist that birthdays require a cake with candles, presents and balloons.

When I woke up the morning of my birthday, I gave myself a pep talk (you might not admit to doing this, but trust me we all have that inner voice that talks to us).  I told myself that it was a special day and because it was my birthday it was going to be a great day.  I wasn’t going to let anything or anyone dampen my spirits.  As soon as I looked at my phone I began receiving messages from friends and family.  The thing I love the most about Facebook is that it is so easy to reach out to someone, no matter how much time has gone by or how many miles separate you, and let them know that you are thinking of them.  I continued on with my day like any Friday, volunteering in the first grade class.  When I arrived, my son proudly told his friends it was my birthday and they promptly began singing to me, cha cha cha’s included.  Then it was on to work, meetings, emails, etc.  Throughout the day I continued to get birthday wishes in the hall and on my phone.  They were little reminders that said to me why worry about (fill in the blank), it’s my birthday!  It was a subtle exercise that allowed me to put the present moment into perspective of the bigger picture.  It forced me to take stock in where my attitude was and allowed me to easily reset with the “it’s my birthday” mantra.  My day ended with my choice for dinner, presents, cake and more singing (of course).

In the end, the day was not physically different from any other day.  What was different was my perspective and my commitment to having a fun, positive day.  There’s really no reason why you can’t try to do that every day.  There are lots of things you could use as a reminders other than a texts/messages from a friend.  Every time you get a drink of water, or stand up from your chair, or hit send on an email – they are all opportunities to take a quick pause and check in with yourself to see if you are feeling how you want to feel in that moment.  I know that might sound really woo woo to you and like it’s a lot of hard work.  You might also be thinking that there are some days when it feels easier just to be in a grumpy/irritated/frustrated mood.  Those are all true and valid points.  But, if you can stop yourself even once during the day and evaluate your current feelings and perspective, you’ll not only feel better, but your day will turn out a little better than it would have.  

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

It's Electric!

Chances are when I say, “It’s Electric!”, a beat starts up in your head along with visions of a dance floor and fun memories.  If you’ve been to a school dance, wedding, club or party of any kind in the last 20 years, you’ve danced the Electric Slide.  It’s a simple line dance, with a catchy hook, that sucks everyone out onto the floor for a few brief minutes.  You can’t help but smile, laugh and when it’s done you can’t help but feel a little spark within you.

Everyone knows that summer time in the desert is hot……really hot.  In the late afternoon/evening hours storms often roll in bringing wind, rain and the occasional thunderstorm.  Watching the lightening light up the sky is breath taking.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  The sudden strike of power looks scary and exhilarating all at the same time.  Energy surges from the bolt.  Its power radiates to all that is around it and you feel energized simply from having witnessed it.

When was the last time you felt that surge of energy and excitement pulse through your body?  Children are incredible reminders of this feeling.  In our house right now it is the anticipation of the start of a new school year.  I am grateful that they are so excited to go back to school.  I want them to hold on to this feeling, starting something new should always be exciting and energizing. 

It’s easy to get complacent, to get comfortable in our routine.  We stop pushing, stop trying new things.  We forget what it’s like to feel that kind of excitement.  Like a lightning bolt, trying something new may have its scary moments, but it will also give you that surge of energy.  The energy to keep moving forward, pushing you to do more, explore more.  Challenging you to take that next step.  It’s the beginning of a chain reaction where the possibilities are endless. 

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey