Helping Hands

I’m still in awe over what happened the other night.  It started out as a normal week night.  We had finished dinner and as usual, my six year old had his glove and tennis ball and was tossing himself fly balls in the living room.  Out of the blue, my daughter asked if she could play too.  She grabbed her glove and they started playing together.  We were in the other room and could hear that they were playing nicely.  I peeked around the corner and saw that he was now throwing pop flies to her, coaching and cheering her on with every toss.  I was slightly surprised and hopeful that it would not somehow end in an argument (or tears).  They soon asked to go outside so they would have more room.  The cooperation continued!  David and I watched them from our hidden vantage point inside the house, hoping to remember this moment forever.  They were so involved and invested in each other’s success, encouraging each other along the way.  They were genuinely having fun. 

As we watched the kids playing together I could see that our son was helping our daughter, giving her little bits of advice that we had given him.  Without realizing it, she had asked him for help.  She knew that if she played catch with him she would get the practice that she needed to get better – something that is hard for her to admit, especially to her little brother.  As a result of asking for help, they had created a new game where they were both having fun.

When is the last time you helped someone?  You can probably think of a dozen examples that occurred in the last few hours.  It’s in our nature to help others.  Some things we do automatically out of love for the other person, like make breakfast.  Other things we do because we know it will surprise and delight the other person.  And yet other things we do because we know that the person needs the help and we are willing/able to lend a helping hand. 

No matter what the scenario, whenever we help someone it makes us feel good.  Physically you feel different when that “help-FULL energy” is coursing through your veins.  Mentally you know that you’ve made a connection with that person like none other.  Knowing that you’ve helped someone when they need it is a very fulfilling experience.

On the flip side, when is the last time you asked for help?  I’m guessing those examples don’t come quite as easily or as quickly.  At some point in our lives, we start equating asking for help with weakness.  We think that it makes us look better, or stronger, if we show that we can do things by ourselves.  We think that asking for help will make us look less capable.  But we all just agreed that we love helping people……anyone else see something wrong with this picture?

Are you resisting asking for help because you are afraid to impose on someone else?  Or are you afraid of how it will make you look?  Do you know someone who needs help but won’t ask?  What would happen if you just jumped in and started helping before being asked?  We’re here to help each other.  We can try to do it alone, but why do it alone when you have people all around you ready and willing to help?

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

The Hunt

Every year eggs are boiled, dyed, colored, filled and hidden for the annual egg hunt.  It’s an event that is looked forward to with excitement and anticipation.  During the event there are excited squeals, shouts of victory when an egg is found and a lot of scurrying around.

When you have toddlers, many of the eggs are hidden in plain sight.  Still unclear on the actual concept of the event, the children usually toddle around enjoying the excited energy but are not really sure what to do.  They may walk past eggs or they may pick up only one color.  They may lose interest before all the eggs are found, but they have a good time while it lasts.

As the kids get older it’s more about speed and quantity - who can find the most in the fastest time.  The hiding places get harder.  They are not as easy to find and require a little more patience in looking in every possible nook and cranny.  Yet they race around looking as quickly as the can, only pausing to count the number of eggs they have collected.

As adults we too engage in many “hunts” of our own.  Do we approach them with the same anticipation and excitement?  Or do we approach them with anxiety, dread and worry?  Do we toddle around passing up eggs that are in plain sight because we are unclear on what we are hunting for?  Or do we pass them up thinking that a better one will come along if we just keep looking?  Are we too focused on collecting only one color?  How did we decide that was the right color to look for?  Or are we racing around trying to do things quickly?  Are we so focused on quantity and speed that we forget what we are hunting in the first place?

If you are lucky enough to participate in an egg hunt this weekend with children, enjoy the excitement of the hunt.  There’s nothing like watching the pure enthusiasm, energy and joy of a child.  Watch out, it just might be contagious. 

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Look what I made!

This week our schools are going through standardized testing, so homework had a slightly different spin.  The fourth grade was given a list of creative assignments that they could complete for extra points.  At pick up Monday, she ran up bubbling with excitement “Mommy, look at my dolphin invention!”  The over-sized piece of paper had a detailed drawing of a boat, two dolphins and a net with an alarm/sensor on it.  It was a great drawing and I could tell she spent a lot of time on it.  “That’s really cool” I replied and we continued to the car. 

Meanwhile my kindergartner had a stack of papers and announced he was writing a book.  He had his name on the cover, a drawing on the first page and big plans for the rest.  Below the drawing was a sentence.  There is nothing cuter than the handwriting of a child who is learning to spell.  The words might not have all been spelled correctly, but you could definitely understand what he was trying to say.  “It looks great buddy, I can’t wait to read it!”

As we begin the short ride home and I hear the crumpling of paper.  The dolphins are now in a ball in the back seat. 

“What happened?  Why did you do that?” 

“I didn’t think it was very good.” 

“I thought it was great.  I wish you hadn’t crumpled it up.” 

“My friend told me that it wasn’t a good invention, so I couldn’t use it.” 

“Well it doesn’t really matter what your friend said.  If you think that it’s a good invention then you should use it.”

I didn’t push the conversation any farther.

Once we got inside the house I had the chance to look at the “book” in detail.  He asked me if “log” was spelled right (he meant to write “long”).  I sounded it out for him and he recognized his missing letter.  I was worried he would get down on himself for not spelling it correctly, like he had before, but he didn’t.  He squeezed the n into place and kept going.  He worked on the book, asking my opinion on topics, while I made dinner.  A short time later my daughter came in with a new drawing of the boat, two dolphins and the net alarm.   She decided that the idea wasn’t so bad after all and recreated it for her assignment.

Creative projects can be very rewarding experiences.  Anyone who has finished a piece of art (in any medium), cooked a delicious meal or planted a beautiful garden, knows that your body feels a physical rush of energy and emotion when you step back and look at what you created.  It’s a rewarding experience IF you allow yourself to have it.  It’s easy to let those thoughts of doubt sneak in and tell you that it’s not good enough.  It’s easy to give up, walk away and leave it unfinished.  Many give in to that doubtful voice.  Many will allow that doubtful voice to prevent them from even starting the project in the first place.

I've heard some people say “I’m not creative”.  I think that means that their definition of creativity is too narrow.  Creativity can be expressed not only through painting, drawing and sculpture, but also through cooking, gardening, interior design, dancing, yoga, wood working or writing.  When you allow yourself to get outside of your logical brain, chemicals are released that are only available when you open up your creativity.  You get into a flow.  You may even feel a balance and serenity you don’t feel in everyday interactions.  The art doesn’t have to be “good”, you just have to do it.  The only rule is not to listen when your critical voice tells you to stop.  Keep going.  Finish what you start.  In the end you might surprise yourself and say “Look what I made.”       

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

The Bench Warmers

In 5^th grade they had try outs for the school volleyball team.  I had never played volleyball before and didn’t think I was very good, so I figured why should I try out?  When my dad found out he was disappointed that I didn’t even give myself a chance and thought I should have gone to the try out anyway. 

 

So the next year, in 6^th grade, I gave it a shot, even though my confidence in my abilities was still about the same.  It was no surprise to me when I did not make the team.  Later that night I told my dad something along the lines of “See, I knew I wouldn’t make it”.  He replied that he was glad that I went out there, tried my best and had the experience.

By the following year, I realized that volleyball was the main fall activity at my very small school.  I wanted to be involved in something, so in 7^th grade I tried out again.  This time I made the team.  I had improved a little, but don’t get me wrong, I was no superstar.  Up until this point in my life, I had excelled on the softball field and in the classroom.  Not being very good at something was a frustrating experience for me and my 12 year old ego. 

I spent a lot of time sitting on the bench, waiting for my turn to play my required minutes.  Next to me on the bench was a talkative, popular, out-going 6^th grader.  As I mentioned, our school was very small, so we “knew” each other but weren’t really good friends.  As the season went on, our time on the bench began to form a real friendship.  We’d leave practice, eat dinner, finish homework and then talk on the phone for an hour.  Suddenly sitting on the bench became more fun than playing in the game.  I was still frustrated over not being very good, but it became less and less important. 

Volleyball season ended, but our friendship never did.  Twenty-some years later she’s still one of my very best friends.  Looking back today it’s easy to see that my time on the volleyball team had little to do about the game.  At the time I knew it was about me learning to be in a situation that was uncomfortable, where I could be humbled by realizing I wouldn't be good at everything and grow from that.  What I didn’t realize at the time, was that I was developing a friendship that would be with me for the rest of my life.  The big picture was so much bigger than I ever could have imagined.

How many times has that happened to you?  Things don’t turn out the way you wanted them to, maybe you don’t get the job or promotion you were expecting.  In the moment, you’re angry, frustrated or disappointed because you really wanted it and really felt like it was meant to happen.  Then as time goes on, maybe a day or a week or months later, a new opportunity presents itself, one that you wouldn’t have been able to do if the other had worked out.  In turn, this new opportunity is better than the first and leads to more new and exciting things.  The bigger picture was more than you imagined it would be.

The hardest part in all of this is making it through that period of anger, frustration and disappointment.  Even if you “know” that something better is on its way, it’s hard to convince your brain and your heart that it will happen.  That is where trust comes in.  You have to trust that the bigger picture just hasn’t come into focus for you.  You have to have faith that everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to.  When you’re able to do that and release the need to control the situation, the picture will come into focus and it will be more beautiful than you ever imagined.  Our volleyball bench is now just one small image surrounded by a collage of life events big and small and memories that are yet to come.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Grand Adventure

For the last six months we have been counting down to this week, the fourth grade field trip to the Grand Canyon.  Visiting one of the 7 Natural Wonders of the World would be an exciting adventure in and of itself, but add-in waking up at 3am and riding on a charter bus, and you have an event that can only be compared to the anticipation of Christmas Eve.  It was a very BIG deal.

Her excitement was contagious (and mildly annoying at the same time - lol).  Each day would begin with the countdown of 5 more days, 4 more days, etc.  When the night finally came, I was the one waking up multiple times hoping that we didn’t over sleep the alarm.  Of course we did not, we got dressed, packed the bag, ate a little and joined the caravan of cars cruising down the sleepy street at 3:30 a.m.  There was a quiet, subdued buzz as we checked in with the others.  A quick hug and that was it, she was ready for whatever the day would bring.

I thought of her and the other fourth graders frequently throughout the day, following their itinerary and hoping that they were having fun.  I thought about how as a child, my neighborhood friends and I were always trying to create an adventure.  Whether it was riding down a side street we had never been down or finding a new area of the school yard to explore or trying a new “stunt”.  The rush, the thrill of not quite knowing how something was going to turn out, but being naive enough to trust that everything would be ok.  If you’ve never given much thought to the natural chemicals in our bodies, think back to a time when you felt that rush of excitement, adventure and anticipation, and you’ll quickly realize how powerful those chemicals really are.

So what happens to our adventurous spirit?  We get busy.  We like to plan.  We think of the risk.  We get nervous.  We stick to what we know.  It’s more predictable.  It’s safe.  It’s what we have time for.

But at what cost?  What happens when we stop pushing ourselves to have new experiences?  To step outside our comfort zone, to go on a true adventure?  Are we afraid we might be rejuvenated?  We might learn something new about the world, or ourselves?

Sixteen hours later, the charter buses pulled into the parking lot.  It was my turn to be excited (and relieved).  I scanned the crowd and found her on the final bus.  I couldn’t wait to hear the stories of the day and relive her adventure through her stories and photos. 

At the end of the day it’s the experience of the adventure that matters, not the scale.  It’s exploring somewhere you’ve never been or trying something new.  Simply naming it an “adventure” will set the tone, bring a little added anticipation and open you up to learning something new.  What adventure is waiting for you today?

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Blind Taste Test

The kids came up with a new game this week.  They wanted to do a taste test while blindfolded.  While they were in another room, I pulled together a variety of items – an apple with cheese on it, a potato chip with ranch and a chocolate chip hidden in a marshmallow just to name a few - and hid them under a towel.  They came in and we put their blindfolds on.  They giggled in anticipation as I placed the first item, a diced grape, on their tongue.  They guessed it easily and moved on to the next. 

By taking away their sense of sight and of touch, they had to rely on their taste buds to figure it out.  Watching them I could see that some were easy and instantly recognizable.  Others required thought and concentration.  They were stumped with the marshmallow and chocolate chip.  If they had been able to see or touch them, they would have instantly guessed it, but relying solely on taste it took them extra time to figure it out.

Of course they had so much fun, they wanted me to do a taste test for me.  They did a great job picking items and stumped me (honey mustard) more than I stumped them.  As I sat there waiting for the next item, I felt a twinge of nervousness.  I couldn’t see.  I couldn’t touch.  I really had no idea what type of food could be coming next.  I couldn’t prepare my brain for what I was about to taste.  I each bite was a clean slate.  I had no expectations.

In reality there are few, if any, times where we have no expectations.  Expectations surround everything we do whether we realize it or not.  As we eat a meal we have an expectation of how it is going to taste and if we will like it or not.  We have expectations on how long it will take us to get somewhere and how our car will run in order to get us there.  We expect our appliances to work – that the refrigerator will keep the food cold, that the coffee maker will make the coffee and that the TV will let us watch a show when we want to watch it.  We expect people to act in a certain way in certain situations.  We expect that if we do “a” we will get “b” as a result.

When an expectation is not met we get disappointed.  The new dish that we tried to cook and doesn’t taste like we thought it would.  Showing up late to an appointment because the traffic slowed you down.  Plans you were looking forward to that were cancelled at the last minute.  Not getting the job you thought you were perfect for.  Almost all disappointing situations can be traced back to an unfulfilled expectation, conscious or unconscious.  Next time you find yourself disappointed, look at it a little deeper and see how your expectations played into the result.  Are your expectations fair/realistic?  If there are others in the situation, is it possible that they did not have the same expectations? 

What if we approached more situations like our blind taste test?  What if you could blindfold yourself of your expectations and enter the moment with a clean slate?

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

The Riddle

What can you catch, but never throw?

What can someone can take it away from you, but never give it back?
If you are out of it, you can’t buy more at the store.
Right now, you may be holding it.

Ok, so I won’t quit my day job to write riddles but were you able to figure it out?  It’s your breath. 

According to a quick search, the average person takes about 16 breaths per minute, 960 breaths per hour, just over 23,000 breaths per day and more than 672 million breaths in their lifetime (if they live to 80).  My guess is 95-99% of these breaths go by unnoticed.  We take them for granted and they occur without us paying attention. 

In our house we don’t always have that luxury.  It starts with a little cough or a squeak escaping during an exhale.  It progresses to faster, more shallow, intervals.  The coughing continues.  You can almost see the chest physically tightening.  It’s an asthma attack and watching someone go through one is one of the most helpless feelings in the world.  Thankfully with modern medicine the discomfort doesn’t have to last long.  However even after their breath has been restored, they need to stay aware, making sure it’s not aggravated again.

You don’t need to have asthma, or any medical condition for that matter, to realize how important your breath is to your everyday well-being.  Has anyone ever said to you “take a deep breath” when you were upset?  Did you do it? 

Taking a deep breath, no matter what emotion you are facing (stress, anger, frustration, anxiety, overwhelmed, happiness) can be so….. cleansing, calming, relaxing, fulfilling, powerful.  Taking a deep breath can be a complete game changer and bring you back to center when you need it most.  Unfortunately it’s easy to get wrapped up in the moment and forget that relief is just a deep breath (or 2, or 3) away.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey