The Bench Warmers

In 5^th grade they had try outs for the school volleyball team.  I had never played volleyball before and didn’t think I was very good, so I figured why should I try out?  When my dad found out he was disappointed that I didn’t even give myself a chance and thought I should have gone to the try out anyway. 

 

So the next year, in 6^th grade, I gave it a shot, even though my confidence in my abilities was still about the same.  It was no surprise to me when I did not make the team.  Later that night I told my dad something along the lines of “See, I knew I wouldn’t make it”.  He replied that he was glad that I went out there, tried my best and had the experience.

By the following year, I realized that volleyball was the main fall activity at my very small school.  I wanted to be involved in something, so in 7^th grade I tried out again.  This time I made the team.  I had improved a little, but don’t get me wrong, I was no superstar.  Up until this point in my life, I had excelled on the softball field and in the classroom.  Not being very good at something was a frustrating experience for me and my 12 year old ego. 

I spent a lot of time sitting on the bench, waiting for my turn to play my required minutes.  Next to me on the bench was a talkative, popular, out-going 6^th grader.  As I mentioned, our school was very small, so we “knew” each other but weren’t really good friends.  As the season went on, our time on the bench began to form a real friendship.  We’d leave practice, eat dinner, finish homework and then talk on the phone for an hour.  Suddenly sitting on the bench became more fun than playing in the game.  I was still frustrated over not being very good, but it became less and less important. 

Volleyball season ended, but our friendship never did.  Twenty-some years later she’s still one of my very best friends.  Looking back today it’s easy to see that my time on the volleyball team had little to do about the game.  At the time I knew it was about me learning to be in a situation that was uncomfortable, where I could be humbled by realizing I wouldn't be good at everything and grow from that.  What I didn’t realize at the time, was that I was developing a friendship that would be with me for the rest of my life.  The big picture was so much bigger than I ever could have imagined.

How many times has that happened to you?  Things don’t turn out the way you wanted them to, maybe you don’t get the job or promotion you were expecting.  In the moment, you’re angry, frustrated or disappointed because you really wanted it and really felt like it was meant to happen.  Then as time goes on, maybe a day or a week or months later, a new opportunity presents itself, one that you wouldn’t have been able to do if the other had worked out.  In turn, this new opportunity is better than the first and leads to more new and exciting things.  The bigger picture was more than you imagined it would be.

The hardest part in all of this is making it through that period of anger, frustration and disappointment.  Even if you “know” that something better is on its way, it’s hard to convince your brain and your heart that it will happen.  That is where trust comes in.  You have to trust that the bigger picture just hasn’t come into focus for you.  You have to have faith that everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to.  When you’re able to do that and release the need to control the situation, the picture will come into focus and it will be more beautiful than you ever imagined.  Our volleyball bench is now just one small image surrounded by a collage of life events big and small and memories that are yet to come.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey