I'll never........

Before you become a parent you have a list of I’ll never’s.  They go something like this:

I’ll never…..

…..let my child wear shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops in the middle of winter.

…..say “Because I said so.” Or “Because I’m the Mom.”

……let my kids eat junk food.  They’ll always eat three square meals a day with lots of fruits and vegetables.

…..let my child procrastinate on homework, we’ll never wait until the last night to finish a project.

…..let my child wear their Halloween costume out in public, unless it’s Oct 31^st.

…..stifle my child’s personality, I’ll give them the freedom to be who they are meant to be.

Maybe some of these sound familiar and I bet that there are probably a few others that you would add to the list.  The stark reality is that once you are in the middle of it, many of the things you thought you would do go out the window.  There’s a lot more compromise involved than you may have expected.  Many days it’s just about survival – getting out the door, going through the grocery store, eating something (anything) or making it through bath time.  Not sticking to your original intentions shouldn’t be judged as good or bad, circumstances change and compromises are reached.  You always have another shot, the next meal or outfit, to handle the situation differently.   

Some scenarios are not so cut and dry, especially when your child starts to develop their personality.  Currently I have a Social Butterfly and a Comedian.  On their own, there are wonderful advantages to these personalities.  The ability to talk to anyone, make friends easily and always have something to say will be traits that will serve her very well throughout her life.  My Comedian intuitively reads a situation and will try to lighten the mood or cheer you up by doing something funny. If he can continue to base his response to someone based on the mood of the room, it will benefit him in every aspect of his life.

The challenges with these big personalities usually come at the end of the day when it’s time to do homework or settle down for the night.  Everyone involved, kids and parents, are a little more tired than usual and patience is almost on empty for the day.  Managing the balance of personality and what needs to get done, is a daily task.  Some days it easy and some days it’s really hard.  But hopefully, by being conscious of it, you can find opportunities to encourage their personality traits to grow to counter balance those times you have to put the reins on it.

Will it work?  I’m not sure, but it’s worth a shot.  For now the biggest thing I’ve learned is that I’ll never say I’ll never.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

I love you no matter what

This week we were driving in the car singing with the radio.  When the song was over I asked the kids, “What does unconditional mean?”  They looked a little confused and weren’t quite sure. I told them “It means I love you no matter what.”  They paused for a moment and then began singing the next song.  Maybe not the exact reaction I was hoping for, but it’s a start to a conversation that we can continue to have the next time we hear the song.

Thanksgiving week is one of the few weeks in the year that we actually slow down enough to be grateful for what and who we have in our lives.  Throughout the week you go through a wide range of emotions: the obvious thankfulness, the sadness over missing someone no longer here, the happiness of catching up with someone you haven’t seen and the disappointment you feel on Sunday knowing it’s all coming to an end.  The common thread through all of these emotions is love.

Tomorrow we go back to our weekly routine.  We also start to plan and prepare for the next holiday, which will add a little more stress and craziness than usual.  It will be easy to get wrapped up in it all.  But it’s also the perfect chance to show, or simply tell someone “I love you no matter what.”

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Life is Precious

Life is precious. 

A blade of grass.

A ripe lemon on a tree.

A smile from a stranger that is over in a second but stays with you all day.

A call from a lifelong friend.

For as long as I can remember, I have always believed that “everything happens for a reason”.  Growing up I applied this philosophy to things that now seem trivial but at the time were very important – when my team didn’t win or when I didn’t get accepted to a specific college - “everything happens for a reason” didn’t make the hurt go away, but it was as good an explanation as any.

Life is precious.

Snuggling under a blanket watching a movie.

Holding hands.

Doing homework. (no that’s not a typo)

Driving from one activity to another.

Life is a little more complicated now but what hasn’t changed is the need to try to figure out why things happen the way they do. I think its human nature to try to make sense out of things that don’t appear to make sense.  Why are we here?  Why did this happen or not happen?  These are big questions and for once Google is no help.  “Everything happens for a reason” starts to sound cliché.

Life is precious.

When someone takes the time to help you knowing they have nothing to gain.

When you feel a special connection with someone.

When you solve a problem, get a rush of energy and feel invincible.

When you can't solve a problem but you don't stop trying.

 

What I’ve come to accept is that for now it’s not ours to understand.  Even if we knew the reason, it might be beyond our comprehension to make sense of it.  I also continue to believe that nothing happens by chance.  Every experience throughout every day is part of our journey.  It is there to teach you something, or influence you, or for you to influence someone else, knowingly or unknowingly.  We are not meant to go through this journey alone.  We are surrounded by a supporting cast of friends, family, coworkers and even strangers who come in and out of our life all day long and are here to help us.  Accept their help.  Let them support you.  You don’t get any extra points for doing it on your own.

 

Life is precious.

The sound of falling rain.

The sight of a hot air balloon high in the sky.

The memory that makes you smile just thinking about it.

The smell of a delicious dinner.

The strength and security of a hug.

The little things, the big things and everything in between.

Life

Is

Precious.

 

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Switching gears

I look down at my buzzing phone and see “Nurse” on the caller ID.  My first thoughts are “which one?” and “now what?”.  I should note that my kids love to go to the school nurse.  For the first few weeks of school I think they spent more time in the nurse’s office than in their own classroom (she gives out jolly ranchers for a sore throat - enough said).  It was the kindergartner, he was coughing a lot and said he had a stomach ache.  They had sent him back to class but he was back again.  Ok, I’m on my way…… time to switch gears.

The next twenty minutes for me are a whirlwind of emotion.  You know when you sleep through your alarm and wake up totally late?  That feeling of going from dead sleep to instant anxiety?  That’s the only feeling I can compare this to for me.  I rush to pack up all my things, look at my meeting schedule and give coworkers a heads up as I hurry out the door.  I drive to the school, a little more tense than usual, my heart beating a little faster.  The anxiety builds as I scroll through all the ways my day has now changed, evaluating what needs to be done today, what can wait until tomorrow and how am I possibly going to get it all done.

I know that this experience is shared by all moms (and dads), whether you work outside the home or not. It’s any time that you have your day planned out and something happens to throw it off course.  Your reaction to this new course will set the tone for the rest of your day.  You feel angry or frustrated or overwhelmed or disappointed that you can’t do something that you were looking forward to doing.  Whatever that feeling is, I've finally realized it’s ok to feel that way.  Call a friend and vent or turn the music up really loud, whatever you need to do to work through it.  But then comes the hard part, once you’ve allowed those feelings to come out, you are faced with the choice that will determine how the rest of the day will play out.  You can choose stay angry/frustrated/disappointed and your day will turn out exactly how you thought it would, horrible.  Or you can choose to do the best with what is in front of you.  It may not be what you planned, but do you want to make it worse by facing it head on with a black cloud over your head?  I know all too well that this is easier said than done.  But I hope that by talking about it enough it will start to get a little easier.

And if you’re still wondering, the cough and the stomach ache are just fine.  A little bit of lunch, some rest on the couch and a few extra hugs helped him make a full recovery by the end of the day.  Those extra hugs actually helped me with my "recovery" too.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

How do we teach children about giving?

“Mom, can I please get these Legos.  I’ve been a really good listener.”

“We’re here to get a birthday present for Jack.  You can ask for those for your birthday.”

“But mom, I haven’t gotten new Legos in a long time, can I please…..”

“You’ll have to wait for your birthday or ask Santa.  Now let’s pick something for Jack.”

“But I said please and I’ll never ask again!”

Tears were starting to well up and a melt-down was eminent.  I smiled.  It was nice to hear someone else having the same conversation that I have had too many times to even count.

Our children are growing up during a time of great abundance.  If one store happens to be out of something (which it rarely is), you only have to drive a little farther to find a store where it is in stock.  Or you go online where everything you could ever dream of is at your fingertips.  Through their eyes acquiring the things that you need and want seems virtually effortless.  It’s hard for them to imagine that there are people who struggle to put food on the table three times a day.

Giving back is such an important life lesson.  It’s very easy to see the benefit to the recipient when you donate clothes, food, toys, money or your time to help a worthy cause.  Not only do you help them, but it makes you feel pretty good knowing that you are making a difference.  Take it a step further, the next time you are having a bad day, one that is hopelessly terrible in every way, find a minute to do something nice for someone else.  You’ll not only make someone else feel great, you’ll realize your day isn’t so hopeless and terrible after all.

To help our kids learn this lesson we started with small things, donating their old toys and clothes “to the babies”.  In preschool we brought food for the food drive to give to people who don’t have enough to eat (that is a tough one for them to wrap their brain around).  During the holidays we picked a name off a tree and bought presents for a foster child.  Explaining to my 4 year old that this little girl didn’t live with her mommy and daddy and that we were going to buy her presents for Christmas brought tears to my eyes.

Now I feel like it’s time to do a little more.  At 9 and 5 years old I think they are ready to put in a little elbow grease.  My challenge has been finding age appropriate opportunities for younger kids.  One local food bank allows kids to help starting at 5 years old with a parent.  We will definitely be doing that in the upcoming month. 

How do you teach your children about giving?  Do you have a favorite activity?  Please leave a comment below, share your ideas.  We’d love to hear what’s working for you.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

What's your story?

This is my favorite time of year.  The weather is getting cooler.  People are feeling generous (most days).  The anticipation builds week over the week as the holidays draw near.  You can feel the electricity in the air.

Over the next two months we will get together with family and friends to share meals and gifts.  We will tell stories to remember fun times, years past and important people in our lives.

Stories play an important part in our lives.  They help us stay connected to our past, remind us of where we have been and can help us plan for the future.  They help us learn and grow.  Consciously, or subconsciously, they become the map we follow on our everyday journey.    

Everyone has at least one story they tell themselves.  The story begins when you create your main character by saying “I can’t cook/lose weight/do math/talk in front of a group/play sports” or “I don’t have enough patience/money/time”.  You may never realize that the main character becomes the villain in the story.  We allow them to steer us down a path of avoidance which makes it hard to change the story.  We discount our abilities before we even get started.  When you really think about it you may find that some of these stories started a long time ago.  Did an embarrassing mix up of words in front of your class lead to the anxiety you feel today before a big presentation?  Or maybe one cold rainy night you tried to make pancakes and they turned into a sticky mess, branding yourself as someone who cannot cook?  (Who knew cast iron skillets were so tricky….)

Another type of story, especially around the holidays, is one where we project how an event is going to play out or how someone is going to act before it even happens.  “Is she going to be there?  I wonder what drama she will talk about this year?” Or “Is he coming?  He’s so annoying when he talks about politics.” Whether you recognize it or not, these are also stories that you are telling yourself and those around you.  These types of stories set an expectation of what is going to happen.  You subconsciously set your mood for the event weeks before you even walk in the door.    

Lastly there is the parent story, which starts with “I’m not a good parent,” or "If only I could do ____ I'd be a better parent" or "I just don't know how to do this".  You get the idea.  It is definitely the hardest job you’ll ever love.  It’s also understandable why we are so critical of ourselves because the end result is so important.  This week I watched this video (http://www.faithit.com/moms-kids-video-confession-touching/).  Look at the stories the parents are telling vs. the stories the children are hearing.  Powerful stuff. 

 

Is it time for you to change your story?

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

What's your Heart Tune?

What’s your house like on Monday morning?  Is it quiet and relaxed?  Or is it frantic and chaotic?  Do you take the time to get organized and lay your clothes out the night before?  Or are there clothes and shoes and backpacks and lunches flying all over the place?  How many times does someone say “have you combed your hair?” or “I’m leaving in 5 minutes whether you are in the car or not?”  If Monday morning at your house was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?

Music can be a powerful influence, consciously and subconsciously.  We all have a song within us that plays every minute of every day.  You could think of it as your “heart tune”, the song that your heart is playing (others may call it your mood or your energy).

Think about all the heart tunes that are playing in your house on a typical Monday morning.  Chances are they sound loud, jumbled and unharmonious.  Anyone who had the choice would probably change the station rather than listen.

Try something new next week and play music while the family is getting ready.  If your mornings are usually chaotic, harried and stressful, pick mellow music.  You don’t have to go to the extreme and choose classical, just as long as it is more on the soothing side.  If your mornings are more lethargic and hard to get everyone going, then choose something more upbeat.  If you have a family favorite artist or group, even better, no one ever said you shouldn’t start your day off with a little dancing or singing.

Songs have the power to make us feel different ways just by listening to them.  Some songs make us want to sing along and dance, others make us want to sit and cry, while others remind us a special place or memory.  Think about the way your favorite song makes you feel.   Chances are it makes you feel physically different just by listening to it.  Your heart beats a little faster.  You have more energy and find yourself smiling for no reason.  That shift in energy stays with you.  It becomes your heart tune and everyone around you can hear it.  Not only do they hear it, but they react to it. 

Take some time this week to listen to the heart tunes that you, and those around you, are playing.  What does your heart tune say about you (or them)?  Is it time to change the station?  Or do you need to turn up your music to cheer up those around you?

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey