1st Grade Philosophy

This year it was important to me to make time to volunteer in my son’s first grade class.  It’s only been a few weeks and already I’ve been reminded of these basic principles:

1.  It makes someone feel good when you call them by name.  Now that I’ve been in the classroom a few times, I’ve started remembering their names.  When I called a couple children by name their initial reaction was surprise, but there was also a twinkle of pride that I knew their name.  Often it’s the little things that mean the most.
2. You’re better at taking a test when your blood is flowing.   Right before they took a test, the teacher told them they needed to get their blood flowing so they could do their best.  She told them to stand up, jump and try to touch the ceiling counting by tens.  It was brilliant.  The kids were happy, smiling, jumping, counting and when they sat back down they were quiet and focused.  I would love to do this in the middle of a long meeting; it would be worth the initial eye rolls to see the smiles take over as the blood starts flowing.
3.  You don’t have to be loud to get everyone’s attention.  The room can get pretty noisy when the class is working on a project.  To regain their attention, the teacher quietly sang a little verse.  Only a few children heard her and sang the response, but when she sang it again, almost the entire class answered.  After three times she had their full attention and the room was silent.  People try to emphasize their point by talking louder or longer than everyone else.  Is it possible you could say more by saying less (or even saying it quietly)?
4.  Sometimes you just need to give someone a hug.  It’s not uncommon that while I am standing in the classroom, I will look down and have a student wrapped around my waist.  I love the purity with which these hugs are given.  There is no fear of judgment or appropriateness of timing.  They felt like giving a hug, so they gave one.  If only adults could perform one act a day that was that impulsive and that pure of heart.  

None of these ideas are earth shattering or complicated.  They don’t have to be googled or researched or studied to master.  But yet sometimes in our quest to “do it right” we overlook some of the first things we were ever taught.  If it’s so easy that even a 6 year old could do it, why do we insist on making it so difficult?

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Not Fair!

How many times have you heard that today?  We all do our best as parents to make things fair.  If you have multiple children you try to keep things even – everyone gets the same number of chips/cookies on their plate or if one picked the movie last week, then it’s the others turn to pick this time.  In an effort to keep things balanced and make sure everyone feels equal treatment we subconsciously devise a system where we keep score.

Keeping score is a natural part of any sport or game.  By keeping score you are able to measure your success and identify where you or your team needs work.  In baseball if you not scoring enough runs then the team can work on their hitting.  If a football or basketball team is allowing too many points, then defense can be the focus.  Having a target for improvement is always a positive when you are trying to get better at something.

However, keeping score has extended way beyond the sports arena and now can be seen in so many aspects of our lives.  We may use it at home to track good behavior or to keep things “fair”.  Schools use grades to track performance, to identify who needs more help and who is excelling.  In the work place we score employees based on how they perform in their job.  On social media we track how many likes we get on a certain post or picture.  We even use it in our relationships – I called them last time, it’s their turn to call me or we invited them to our house, now it’s their turn to invite us or they drove the carpool last week, it’s my turn this week.

Keeping score does two things.  The first thing is that when we keep score we subliminally start to measure a person’s effort or investment in the relationship.  We have this inherent feeling within us that things need to be “even” and by even we mean equal effort. But is there really such a thing as equal effort?  Does it/should it even matter?  We should think about the motivation behind why we are doing something.  Are you doing it because of what you are going to get in return?  Or are you doing it because you want to do it?  If you are doing it because you want to do it, or because you can do it, then it shouldn’t matter if it’s the first time or the fiftieth time that you are doing it.  You’ve made the choice to do it.  Own that choice and don’t sit and wait to be repaid.

The second aspect of keeping score is what some people call the “lack” mentality.  It’s the idea that there is a limited amount, so if someone else gets it then there will not be enough for me.  On paper it sounds very simplistic and irrational, but if you watch for it, chances are you will see it’s more prevalent than you think.  You’ll see that many people with a lack mentality only look out for themselves.  They have little to no regard to those around them.  They “score” as many points as they can on their own.  In reality when you utilize the strengths of the people around you and work as a team, not only will you “score” more points, but you will gain so much more from the experience.

It’s fun to play games, keep score and celebrate accomplishments and improvements.  But keep it within the game; don’t create a scoring gap where one doesn't exist.     

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Clouds

I realized this week that clouds are taken for granted.  People have collections of different objects like animals, rainbows, hearts or flowers, but I’ve never met anyone who’s had a collection of clouds.

We live in a valley where it is sunny 360 out of 365 days a year (maybe a slight exaggeration but not much).  There are days when the sky looks like the opening scene from The Simpsons – blue sky and puffy white clouds.  There are days during the summer when you can watch the jet black storm clouds in the distance creeping closer and closer.  Then on those nights, you can watch a magnificent lighting show jump from cloud to cloud.

My grandmother was a self-taught artist, though she would tell you she was a painter.  She used oils and painted everything from still life to animals, portraits to scenes from nature.  Often she would find a photograph in a magazine from which she would create a beautiful painting.  One such time she had a photo that included an expansive sky scattered with clouds.  I remember looking at the detail of the clouds in the painting.  Up close, I couldn’t believe all the different colors she had used – yellow, orange, pink, purple, blue, grey and just a touch of white.  Looking then from across the room the colors blended perfectly, they were almost indistinguishable, and the sky was beautiful. 

I’m not exactly sure how old I was when I first saw that painting, but I know that since then I’ve looked at clouds more critically.  I love to play a game with the kids, whether we are in the car or taking a walk, to have them name every color that they see in the clouds – “white” cannot be their only answer.  Of course we also play the game of what picture do you see - that game is timeless and a great exercise in imagination.  More than anything these games are a couple minutes out of our day where no one is staring at a screen and we are appreciating the simple beauty of what surrounds us.  It is a chance to stop and be in the present moment.

I know I am not alone in my love of clouds.  Friends post pictures of beautiful sunsets all the time.  I don’t know about you, but whenever I try to take a picture of the clouds, it just doesn’t do it justice.  Sure it’s pretty, but the vivid colors and intricate detail just can’t be captured with a simple camera.  It’s as if the moment was created just for you and those with you.  You won’t be able to recreate it.  You won’t be able to fully capture it, so you shouldn’t even try.  Just watch it, enjoy it and appreciate that you were able to experience a beautiful moment.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Navigating Emotions

This week at our after school care program, a mom came up to my husband, we didn’t know this woman well, but our son’s had been on the same baseball team a few months ago.  She said “I just wanted to tell you that your son has been so nice to our son. We really appreciate it.” Their son was new to the school and a year younger.  Our son had helped make the transition just a little easier by being nice to the little guy.  What a simple, yet wonderful, compliment.  The fact that she took the time to tell us means even more and we’ll remember for a long time.

It’s no surprise really; we’ve always known our 6 year old was a thoughtful boy.  He can run, throw, catch and play hard just like any boy, or he can also sit and color or watch Dora or act silly to try to make you laugh.  Last year he asked me why couldn’t help in his class like the other moms?  The guilt ate away at me and though I was able to go a couple times, it didn’t feel like enough.  This year I was determined to make it work and signed up for an hour a week.  The first week Dad volunteered in the classroom.  They had a wonderful time reading in centers with their “guest’s” help.  When the hour was up and it was time for him to go, our son’s eyes filled with tears.  He didn’t want him to leave. Dad stayed for a little bit longer, ate lunch with him and eventually left a smiling boy in his classroom. 

After hearing the story, I was unsure I would be able to handle the tears as well as Dad did.  My first reaction was to talk to our son.  To explain to him that we made special arrangements to be able to help out and that us being there should make him happy, not sad.  We talked about how he wasn’t sad when we dropped him off every day.  I continued to try to explain the situation in a way that I thought was patient and helpful, but I could see that the sad feelings were still lingering.  

When the morning came for me to volunteer I was a little nervous.  How was he going to react when it was time for me to go?  To take my mind off it I continued reading “The Conscious Parent” by Dr Shefali Tsabary (which I’ve mentioned before).  I started reading a section called “Do you validate your children’s behavior, or their being?”  I’d quote all 3 pages if I could, it’s that powerful, but this sums it up nicely:

“We think we need to teach our children not to be afraid, not to be angry, or not to be sad.  But why shouldn’t they be scared if they are scared?  Why shouldn’t they be sad if they are sad?  Why would we ask them to dishonor their feelings?  We help them most not when we try to banish their emotions, but when we equip them to navigate such emotions.”

Wow, powerful words and I know that we all do this.  We have the best intentions trying to help our children, friends, or family through hard times by telling them all the reasons why they shouldn’t feel that way.  We try to help push the emotions to the side so they can get over it faster, when what they really need to know is that it’s okay to feel this way.  There is nothing wrong, or bad, or weak or (fill in the blank) with feeling the way you are feeling right now.  We do more to help them through it when we let them know their feelings are valid.  Heavy stuff, but worth thinking about….

So what happened?  When I went into the class, he proudly introduced me to his classmates.  I helped with the spelling test, stuff homework folders and then it was time to go.  The class thanked me for coming and I even got a few hugs.  My little guy gave me a quick hug and a smile, saying “see you later” as he ran to catch up with the class as they went to recess.  My worrying was for not, he had worked it out himself.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

The Big 5-0

This week marks one year since I started this blog!  (I’m not sure if it’s a birthday or an anniversary?)  This is my 50th post, so yes, I did miss two posts in the year, but, wow, 50 posts!  That's something to celebrate, so I’m going to take a minute to do just that.  Last year I set a goal for myself that I would post one blog a week.  It hasn't always been easy.  I've faced many, many days where I didn't know what to write or where I thought what I did write was boring and uninteresting.  But I stuck with it, you stuck with me and I appreciate that from the bottom of my heart.  It has been a fantastic experience and I’m just getting started!  

What did you think of that?  Was it too ego-centric of me to take time to congratulate myself publicly on coming really close to accomplishing my goal?  Why can’t we be proud of ourselves when we accomplish something that is important to us?  Why is that pride so often perceived as arrogance? 

When was the last time you patted yourself on the back for something you accomplished?  My guess is that at the end of most days you think about all the things you didn’t get done, rather than acknowledging all the things that you did get done.  You take time to praise your kids, friends, co-workers and even strangers who hold the door for you, but do you ever recognize you? Give yourself credit.  Appreciate your accomplishments no matter how big or how small.  And sometimes you may not reach your exact goal, but don’t use that as the reason you give up.  Appreciate how much you were able to accomplish, build on that and keep going.

Thank YOU for your encouragement, your comments and most of all for reading my random weekly thoughts.  Cheers to the next 50 posts!

Heart-FULLy yours,  

Kacey

5th Grade Tales - Time Management

The first few weeks of school are always exciting.  There are new teachers, new classrooms, new friends, new supplies and new activities.  I love that my daughter can’t wait to get involved.  She’s chosen to take orchestra where she’ll learn, for the first time ever, to play the viola.  I have never seen her this motivated to practice anything!  She’s also decided to form a team with two friends to compete in the semester long competition of the “Battle of the Books”.  And this week following a successful classroom speech, she was elected to the Student Council, an honor that eluded her last year.  Her excitement is contagious.  It’s so much fun to watch her embrace these new experiences with the enthusiasm of what’s to come.  However, along with all of these fun activities come new responsibilities.  It’s quickly becoming apparent to me that she has also signed up to begin the life long journey towards “time management”. 

It truly is a journey isn’t it?  Does anyone at any point in their life ever perfectly manage their time?  I feel like I am at the opposite end of this spectrum – I am trying not to manage my time so closely.  After years of being on a constant schedule, of feeling like I have to be doing something at all times of the day to be “productive”, I find myself striving to manage my time less.  I’m trying to be more spontaneous.  I’m trying to accept that sitting, relaxing and doing “nothing” is okay and not something to feel guilty about.

The tough part is there is no right answer.  What works one day, may not work the next day.  I am excited for her to explore and experience these new activities.  I want them to stay fun.  I don’t want her to feel the stress of trying to fit it all in.  Isn’t that what time management is supposed to do – if you effectively manage your time you won’t be stressed?  Does it ever work that way?

The journey has begun and we will see where it takes us.  I know I’m not the only one with an over scheduled child, so if you have tips/tricks that work for you – share, we’re all in this together!  I’ll be sure to do the same.  Wish us luck! 

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Yeah, I'm Talkin' to You

I love writing this blog, it’s one of the best things I do each week.  As much fun as I have writing it, I love seeing people’s comments.  Sometimes I’ll get a text or email “were you writing this about/for me”?  It makes me laugh that my closest friends think I would use my blog to call them out and make a point. 

The truthful answer is no, none of my blog topics to date have been written as a subtle message to one specific person.  My topics always stem from a situation I’ve encountered that week or something that I’ve been thinking about.  But the fact is these situations are universal.  We’re all going through them, but rarely do we stop long enough to give them more than a fleeting thought, much less talk about them.  So if the shoe fits, wear it.  If my words ring true to something you’re going through, then yes, I wrote it for YOU.  Think about it, talk about it, we may have different perspectives, but we are all having similar experiences and we are here to help each other through them.

Over the last two weeks we’ve been getting back into the routine of school (yes, we start in July!).  The kids are happy to be back with their friends and the familiar routine.  However, the long, hot days do start to take their toll leading to tired kids, shorter fuses and a higher possibility for emotional melt downs. 

Last week my 6 year old was reaching the meltdown point of no return, when I pulled him aside to show him a new app I got on my phone.  While watching a 15 second video of a peaceful scene, the app prompts you to breathe in and out twice.  There are about 10 different scenes, one of which is a baby playing.  My son was not impressed with taking 2 deep breaths, but he did think the baby was funny.  It diverted his attention just enough that we were able to get past the melt down and continue on with the day.  My surprise came the next day, around the same time when exhaustion was setting in and the tears were starting to fall.  He said to me “can we watch the baby again?”  Shocked, I quickly opened the app.  We shuffled through the videos to find the baby, sneaking in a few deep breaths along the way.  By the time we found the baby, we were laughing and relaxed.  Meltdown averted. 

The moral of this story – you never know what’s going to work.  Even when you think that something didn’t work, you may be surprised to find that it did.  My challenge now is to continue to infuse these calming moments into our everyday life.  Stopping to take a deep breath should not be reserved only for a meltdown moment.  It’s so simple, provides instant relaxation and can be done anywhere, yet we rarely do it.  Like everything it just takes practice.   

Thank you all for reading.  Your comments, "likes" and support mean more to me than words can express.    

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey