Blind Taste Test

The kids came up with a new game this week.  They wanted to do a taste test while blindfolded.  While they were in another room, I pulled together a variety of items – an apple with cheese on it, a potato chip with ranch and a chocolate chip hidden in a marshmallow just to name a few - and hid them under a towel.  They came in and we put their blindfolds on.  They giggled in anticipation as I placed the first item, a diced grape, on their tongue.  They guessed it easily and moved on to the next. 

By taking away their sense of sight and of touch, they had to rely on their taste buds to figure it out.  Watching them I could see that some were easy and instantly recognizable.  Others required thought and concentration.  They were stumped with the marshmallow and chocolate chip.  If they had been able to see or touch them, they would have instantly guessed it, but relying solely on taste it took them extra time to figure it out.

Of course they had so much fun, they wanted me to do a taste test for me.  They did a great job picking items and stumped me (honey mustard) more than I stumped them.  As I sat there waiting for the next item, I felt a twinge of nervousness.  I couldn’t see.  I couldn’t touch.  I really had no idea what type of food could be coming next.  I couldn’t prepare my brain for what I was about to taste.  I each bite was a clean slate.  I had no expectations.

In reality there are few, if any, times where we have no expectations.  Expectations surround everything we do whether we realize it or not.  As we eat a meal we have an expectation of how it is going to taste and if we will like it or not.  We have expectations on how long it will take us to get somewhere and how our car will run in order to get us there.  We expect our appliances to work – that the refrigerator will keep the food cold, that the coffee maker will make the coffee and that the TV will let us watch a show when we want to watch it.  We expect people to act in a certain way in certain situations.  We expect that if we do “a” we will get “b” as a result.

When an expectation is not met we get disappointed.  The new dish that we tried to cook and doesn’t taste like we thought it would.  Showing up late to an appointment because the traffic slowed you down.  Plans you were looking forward to that were cancelled at the last minute.  Not getting the job you thought you were perfect for.  Almost all disappointing situations can be traced back to an unfulfilled expectation, conscious or unconscious.  Next time you find yourself disappointed, look at it a little deeper and see how your expectations played into the result.  Are your expectations fair/realistic?  If there are others in the situation, is it possible that they did not have the same expectations? 

What if we approached more situations like our blind taste test?  What if you could blindfold yourself of your expectations and enter the moment with a clean slate?

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

The Riddle

What can you catch, but never throw?

What can someone can take it away from you, but never give it back?
If you are out of it, you can’t buy more at the store.
Right now, you may be holding it.

Ok, so I won’t quit my day job to write riddles but were you able to figure it out?  It’s your breath. 

According to a quick search, the average person takes about 16 breaths per minute, 960 breaths per hour, just over 23,000 breaths per day and more than 672 million breaths in their lifetime (if they live to 80).  My guess is 95-99% of these breaths go by unnoticed.  We take them for granted and they occur without us paying attention. 

In our house we don’t always have that luxury.  It starts with a little cough or a squeak escaping during an exhale.  It progresses to faster, more shallow, intervals.  The coughing continues.  You can almost see the chest physically tightening.  It’s an asthma attack and watching someone go through one is one of the most helpless feelings in the world.  Thankfully with modern medicine the discomfort doesn’t have to last long.  However even after their breath has been restored, they need to stay aware, making sure it’s not aggravated again.

You don’t need to have asthma, or any medical condition for that matter, to realize how important your breath is to your everyday well-being.  Has anyone ever said to you “take a deep breath” when you were upset?  Did you do it? 

Taking a deep breath, no matter what emotion you are facing (stress, anger, frustration, anxiety, overwhelmed, happiness) can be so….. cleansing, calming, relaxing, fulfilling, powerful.  Taking a deep breath can be a complete game changer and bring you back to center when you need it most.  Unfortunately it’s easy to get wrapped up in the moment and forget that relief is just a deep breath (or 2, or 3) away.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Lessons from Flying

Lift us up and keep us safe.  Lift us up and keep us safe.  Lift us up and keep us safe.  I repeat these words over in my head.  There is that time right before takeoff when I say a little prayer.  I doubt I’m the only one.  That’s a powerful thought – you have a group of a hundred or so strangers all sending up a similar positive thought (prayer) at the same time.  Of course when you’re scared or faced with uncertainty, it’s easy to turn to prayer.  Why do we wait for the extreme moments to ask for help and support?

Lesson 1: Support is available to you every minute of every day, whether you need it or not.  Don’t wait.  And don’t be so arrogant in the good times to think that you don’t need support.  Check in with yourself multiple times every day.  It can be as simple as a deep breath or a quick prayer.

Back in the plane, we lift up high above the ground.  We left a city that was overcast and dreary.  The clouds had come in and rain was threatening.  Though the rain is welcome, the gray clouds change the overall mood of the day.  As we pass through and emerge from the clouds, we are greeted by the bright blue sky and radiant sun.  It is still there; ready to light the way even if we can’t see it. 

Lesson #2: Just because you can’t see something anymore doesn’t mean it no longer exists.  Clouds may have rolled in and your path may be a little darker than it was, but the sun is there.  You can wait for it to come back or you can lift your head above the clouds and get clarity once again. 

As we start to descend we pass through the clouds again.  There’s turbulence and the plane is tossing about.  As we slowly descend, we bump around, nothing terrible, but you can’t see it coming so every jolt catches you off guard.  We are in the clouds for what seems like a very long time.  Surrounded by grey, I’ve lost all perspective.  Are we close to the ground?  We keep descending, but still can’t see anything.  Are all the pilot’s electronics working?  At this point I have to trust that though he can’t see the ground, he knows where he’s at, checks his gauges and keeps going.  After what seems like a long time, we emerge from the clouds.  In an instant, I am relieved and comforted to see we are high above the houses below.   

Lesson #3: When your perspective is fogged/clouded over, don’t panic and trust in the path you’ve set out on.  It’s easy to let doubt become your clouds.  You start to worry that you’re not headed in the right direction.  Before you start to course correct, be sure that you make decisions with a clear perspective.  If you begin changing course while you are surrounded by clouds, you might make a turn that you don’t need to make.  Wait for the clouds to clear.  Then, once you can clearly see the whole picture, you may realize you’re not as close to the ground as you thought you were.

 

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

This is Not a Test

In a recent interview, author Anna Quindlen was asked what are 5 things she knew for sure?  One of her answers was:

 

 “Motherhood is not a test.” 

Let that sink in for a minute. 

If motherhood is not a test, then we should spend no time at all worrying about whether we are doing things “right”.

If motherhood is not a test, we should not spend hours scouring the Internet for the exact diagnosis and remedy for the sniffles that came home from school.

If motherhood is not a test, it wouldn’t matter if you are a stay-a-home parent or a working parent, we’d all just be parents.

If motherhood is not a test, we wouldn’t be so hard on ourselves when something “goes wrong”, we’d see it as an opportunity to grow and do better next time.

The list could go on, you’ve probably thought of a couple more already.  In school “passing a test” is validation that we’ve studied hard and earned the right to go to the next grade.  In sports “passing a test” earns you a win or sometimes a gold medal.  In the workplace “passing a test” earns you a promotion or raise.  For many of us these three examples, school, organized sports/activities and career, make up a large part of our childhood and early adulthood.  It is easy to see how we can develop a perception that everything in life must be a test.

It’s hard to change your perception, especially when it’s been ingrained in multiple aspects of your life.  How can we break the cycle and start thinking of things in a different way?  I think that by simply acknowledging it we take the first step.  We tell ourselves that there is no “right way”.  The way we choose is right for the moment.  If things don’t turn out the way we expect, then we go back, try something else and see if that gets us closer to the desired results. 

When you think about it, we all know that motherhood can’t be a test because the “right answer” that works one day completely misfires on other days.  Motherhood is fluid.  It changes and evolves.  It’s not a linear path, but a winding journey for which there is no map.  This is not something that we are accustomed to – no map?  No book?  No Internet to help me along the way?  The tools are there, they’re just different.  Relying on your intuition, those around you and the reactions of your children will give you all the direction that you need.     

So the next time you find yourself wondering, “am I doing this right?” remind yourself this is not a test.  Choose the answer you think is right and go for it.  Unlike a test, you can always go back and change it along the way.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Tales of 4th Grade Drama: The Group Project

When I was in fourth grade, a science project meant making a volcano out of chicken wire, newspaper and plaster.  Well, more like your dad making a volcano out of chicken wire and you spreading a little bit of plaster and painting the outside.  Everyone would bring in their project to be put on display in the classroom.  If your parents were super cool, they made a volcano that actually erupted and you were the envy of the class.

Thankfully, for me, times have changed.  Science projects are now done 100% at school.  Parental assistance is forbidden (with the exception of sending in a few needed materials).  The class chose a group of three that they wanted to work with.  She chose one of her good friends and a boy she talks about quite a bit.  This was going to be interesting.

The first few days went well.  They all chose an experiment and divided up the tasks.  There was even a phone call over the weekend to confirm who was bringing in which materials. Then during week two the reality of a group project set in.  The other girl and the boy got into an argument and wouldn’t talk to each other.  My daughter became the middle man, playing telephone between her two partners to keep the project going.  Fortunately, this is fourth grade and the argument was forgotten after a couple days.

A few days after that my daughter came home really upset.  “He’s not letting me do anything!”  My first reaction was to tell her that she actually was pretty lucky to have a partner that is doing their share of the work.  (We’ve all had those situations where we had to pick up the slack when someone else didn’t do their part.)  But I also know that sitting on the sidelines watching is no fun either.  We had a great discussion about working with others and compromise.  She decided she would ask her teacher for advice on the situation.  The next day before she talked to her teacher, her partner came to her and asked for help.  Phew, crisis averted.

During our conversation I shared with her that at work I have group projects all the time.  There are days when it seems like it would be easier just to do it all yourself, but you can’t.  You need the help of other people to complete the project.  I could have taken it a step further.  Life is a group project.  Sometimes you’ll need to work with others.  Other times you’ll need to lean on them for emotional support so that you’re able to complete the task on your own.  It’s never easy, but working with others is one of the keys to having a successful, happy life.  Hopefully by starting at such an early age she’ll have so much practice, success working with others will come naturally.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Lessons from a 6 Year Old

This week my “baby” turned six.  I spend a lot of time talking about the best ways to teach my children, today I’m going to talk about what he’s taught me.

Boys are different.  I’m not sure you are ever a fully confident parent, but the second time around you definitely think that you know a little bit more about what you are doing.  Hours after he was born, he was pushing himself up while lying on his stomach.  We knew then that this was going to be different.  This little boy was showing us he was inquisitive, strong and would not be stopped from the very start. 

Slow down.  I knew that we were not planning on having any other children, so I have always seen him as my baby.  With your first child you are excited for all their “firsts” and can’t wait until they reach those milestones.  With him I’ve wanted to slow down time and cherish every stage.  I was in no hurry for him to roll over or crawl or walk.  We celebrated the events as they came but never pushed too hard.

Speed up.  This boy has more energy than I ever knew was possible.  He can play all day, going from one activity to the next without skipping a beat.  Baseball, basketball, football, bikes, it really doesn’t matter to him.  What does matter is that he does it with a friend.  There have been many days when I’ve felt too tired, but that’s quickly forgotten when I see the pure joy on his face and am reminded that this is what is important.

Laughter is the best medicine.  I’ve said before that he is my little comedian.  His timing is impeccable.  He knows when to “perform” for the family and just be silly for the sake of getting a laugh.  He knows when someone is sad that if he can get them to laugh they will feel better.  He even knows when to mix humor with the right amount of cuteness to try to get out of trouble (and yes it works).

My cousin once told me “the days are long, but the years are short”.  On one hand the years seem to have gone by in the blink of an eye.  Yet on the other hand those late nights with little sleep seem like a very long time ago (thankfully).  It’s been an exciting 6 years and I can’t wait to see what the next 6 bring.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey

Haunted House

We are blessed to live a house that gives the four of us space to be comfortable.  If we want to spend time together, we can.  If we want to spend time apart, we can go to our rooms and recharge.  However, spending time apart doesn’t happen very often, because our house is haunted.

Of course it’s not really haunted.  I’m exaggerating, but by the reaction of the kids you would think that it was haunted.  You see, the kids don’t like to go upstairs by themselves and if we are upstairs they don’t like to go downstairs.  It’s a little easier during the day.  I think that they forget and they’ll run up to their room, get something and come down like it was no big deal.  But when the sun starts to go down and they need something upstairs, it’s easier to not have it than to go up there alone.

This whole thing is so perplexing to me, I just can’t figure it out.  Is it that they are physically scared that something will happen to them?  We’ve reminded them multiple times that the house is safe.  Daddy and I are here to protect you.  When we are inside the house you don’t have to be afraid of venturing to another room by yourself.  But this logic doesn’t always work – I’ve seen them wait in line to use the downstairs bathroom rather than go upstairs!

Or is it that we spend so little time together during the day that they don’t want to be separated from us for even a minute?  I think that is my working mother guilt talking.  They do like spending time with us, but I don’t think that is the root of this issue.

Is it the darkness?  What is it about walking into a dark room that can make even the most secure person feel just a little bit anxious?  It’s the feeling you get when you are unable to see what is around you.  It’s that split second of the unknown.  We have been conditioned to search for answers so that we spend as little time as possible in that unknown space.  Many people avoid the unknown, the darkness, because leaving the known, the light, is too uncomfortable.  Is this where it starts, by not being able to go upstairs alone?  Are my children destined for a life of being scared to explore the unknown?

The shoe is now on the other foot and I am the one that is making a big deal out of something small.  All of a sudden I’ve projected a lot of adult feelings on two little ones, who literally don’t like dark rooms because they are dark rooms.  Today I will be thankful that they still want to be in the same room with us.  The time will come all too fast when they’re locked in their room and never come downstairs……I better be careful what I wish for.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey