This is Not a Test

In a recent interview, author Anna Quindlen was asked what are 5 things she knew for sure?  One of her answers was:

 

 “Motherhood is not a test.” 

Let that sink in for a minute. 

If motherhood is not a test, then we should spend no time at all worrying about whether we are doing things “right”.

If motherhood is not a test, we should not spend hours scouring the Internet for the exact diagnosis and remedy for the sniffles that came home from school.

If motherhood is not a test, it wouldn’t matter if you are a stay-a-home parent or a working parent, we’d all just be parents.

If motherhood is not a test, we wouldn’t be so hard on ourselves when something “goes wrong”, we’d see it as an opportunity to grow and do better next time.

The list could go on, you’ve probably thought of a couple more already.  In school “passing a test” is validation that we’ve studied hard and earned the right to go to the next grade.  In sports “passing a test” earns you a win or sometimes a gold medal.  In the workplace “passing a test” earns you a promotion or raise.  For many of us these three examples, school, organized sports/activities and career, make up a large part of our childhood and early adulthood.  It is easy to see how we can develop a perception that everything in life must be a test.

It’s hard to change your perception, especially when it’s been ingrained in multiple aspects of your life.  How can we break the cycle and start thinking of things in a different way?  I think that by simply acknowledging it we take the first step.  We tell ourselves that there is no “right way”.  The way we choose is right for the moment.  If things don’t turn out the way we expect, then we go back, try something else and see if that gets us closer to the desired results. 

When you think about it, we all know that motherhood can’t be a test because the “right answer” that works one day completely misfires on other days.  Motherhood is fluid.  It changes and evolves.  It’s not a linear path, but a winding journey for which there is no map.  This is not something that we are accustomed to – no map?  No book?  No Internet to help me along the way?  The tools are there, they’re just different.  Relying on your intuition, those around you and the reactions of your children will give you all the direction that you need.     

So the next time you find yourself wondering, “am I doing this right?” remind yourself this is not a test.  Choose the answer you think is right and go for it.  Unlike a test, you can always go back and change it along the way.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey