Not the Same

Last weekend the kids and I took a road trip to my alma mater, the University of Arizona.  It was Homecoming and my first chance to show them the campus.  First we drove by my dorm, which looked the same.  I told them about people pulling the fire alarm and having to stand outside, in the cold, in the middle of the night until it was cleared to let us back in.  At the end of the block there is now a huge parking structure that was not there when I was.  Along University there are a few, and I mean few, stores (Campus Athletic) that are the same, but most of it is very, very different (they have an Urban Outfitters practically on campus!).

Once we parked and got out of the car, you could feel the energy and buzz of the campus.  It wasn't that stressful, hurried kind of energy; it was laid back, with an undercurrent of excitement and anticipation.  As we walked to the student union we walked through “the mall”, which looks the same (it’s hard to change up a big grassy area where people hang out in the sun between classes).  We walked into the Union (complete different) and ate in the food court (what?).  “Did you eat in here when you went here?”  Well, not exactly….  And so it went the rest of the day as we walked through campus.  I felt like I was saying “that’s new” or “that wasn’t there” more than anything.  (There’s a Starbucks right outside the library!)

We tailgated, threw the football and watched the Homecoming Parade (same, same, same).  I watched the kids watching the marching band. By the look on their faces could tell that they felt the same excitement that only a college band can ignite (same).  At game time we walked to the stadium, which has been completely redone (different).  My son innocently asked “Do you think they’ll have the roof open?” (A question that would only be asked by a child whose local professional teams play in indoor stadiums.)  There are huge screens, a pre-game video of the team and fireworks (different, different, different).  But once the game started, the crowd cheered, groaned and roared with pride as the team battled on the field (same).

As we drove back home the next day, we were still riding high from a very exciting weekend.  I couldn’t help but think about how different everything was physically, but the underlying energy still felt very much the same.  It also made me realize that even if my children choose to go there for college, it may feel like they are doing the same as I did, but their experience will be far different than mine.  My thoughts were confirmed later in the week while I was listening to an interview with Dr. Shefali.  She was talking about how children now are so different than we were.  They are growing up with things that we never had like technology, unlimited access to information and an overall global awareness.  Our natural instinct as parents is to relate the way we handled a situation to our children and expect them to react in the same manner.  But we can’t do that.  We need to be in the current moment.  We can draw on our experiences from the past but we can’t expect them to be relevant to the situations that we are facing with our children today.  It’s hard.  It’s unchartered territory.  But if you want to build the best possible relationship with your kids, you need to relate to them from the current moment and not from how it used to be.  It’s not the same.  Like the University, everything looks very different.  However the underlying energy is the same, you love your kids and you want them to succeed.  It may just look a little different than you remember.

Heart-FULLy yours, 

Kacey