Can we talk?

What is it about the words “can we talk”?  These three simple words can set off alarms in our brain that trigger a fight or flight response.  What is it that instantly makes us nervous, worried, cautious or defensive?  And when does that start?  How do we learn it, because most children know at a young age that let’s talk usually means serious business? 

These feelings are not only felt by recipient, but also by the initiator.  When you know that you have something important to bring up that needs to be discussed, you feel anxiety and nervousness with the thought of bringing it up with the other person.  You wait for the perfect time and the perfect place and it’s easy to talk yourself out of bringing it up at all. 

If these are the feelings that we know and recognize as adults, what makes us think that our kids can overcome all of these feelings and inner dialogue to approach us when they want to talk?  And if they don’t come to us, then what happens?  Our children have something that we never did…..the internet.  Instead of talking and asking questions, they can just type their questions and curiosities into their phone, iPad, or computer and see what “the internet” has to say about the topic.  I don’t know about you, but I think that is scary.  Who knows what kinds of explanations, images or “advice” will come up after a google search?  That leads to a talk about how you can’t trust everything that you read on the internet – which can be confusing after you’ve just used it to work on homework or use it as a reference for a biography.  Sigh.

So what do you do - you want to encourage questions and dialogue, but you know that it’s hard (and possibly embarrassing) for both sides to start a conversation.  For my answer, I went back to my old standby and found a place to start with a book.  After some searching on the internet and reading some reviews, I found a handful of books that were age appropriate for my ten year old.  I had the bookstore pull them for me and keep them behind the counter.  As we drove to the bookstore, I told her that I had found some books I wanted her to look at that might answer some of her questions.  If she liked them we could get them and bring them home.  We got some “coffee” and settled into a couple big chairs with our books.  She dove right in and started reading one of them, while I thumbed through the others.  They were all straight forward, yet kept things at an innocent level.  I especially liked the journals, they are almost like a workbook, encouraging the girls to write about different topics.  One section I especially liked was to name three adults you feel comfortable talking to and how would you go about talking to them about something that is uncomfortable.  Not wanting to push her, I let her sit and read, while I walked the aisles, secretly watching her expressions from a far.  In the end she decided on a couple books, including the journal, to take home.  It’s been a good step to ease into starting conversations that might have been a little difficult to get going otherwise.

Ah the joys of parenting!  In the beginning we are so eager for them to walk and talk and grow up and then you hit those points where you want to pull on the brakes to slow everything down.   Then you realize there are no brakes, only seat belts, so buckle up and enjoy the ride.

  

Heart-FULLy Yours, 

Kacey