Clutter

Yesterday I overheard the following “Team, one thing you should know about me is that it is my pet peeve to have a messy dugout!  Let’s keep the walkway clear, put your gloves and water bottles under the bench when we are not using them.”  If you guessed that quote came from one of the coaches, you would be wrong, it was actually one of the 11-year-old players!  It made me smile for two reasons.  The first I was impressed that she was confident enough and sure enough of herself, to stand in front of her peers and say something that could have been met with eye-rolls and criticism.  Let’s face it, tween girls are not always nice and peer acceptance is a big thing at this age.  The second thing that stood out to me was that she believed with a little bit of organization, things would run more smoothly during the game, a pretty advanced concept if you think about it.

There are varying degrees of organization depending on your personality and life-style.  Some people are extremely organized with everything in a specific place at all times.  While others may feel like they don’t have that gene and take a looser approach to organization.  No matter where you fall in the spectrum chances are that when days get busy and time at home is rushed, little piles start to grow.  It starts out innocently enough with a stack of mail that you weren’t able to get to.  A couple days later you pile on copies of your finished tax returns or a stack of catalogs you want to look through.  Meanwhile in your bedroom a pile is starting to form of clothes that need to be ironed or maybe the ironing board is still out 3 days later and is now growing stacks of its own.  If you live with others, the stacks and piles and clutter multiplies exponentially.  Toys are strewn about waiting for someone to come back and play with them.  Home projects are left unfinished because of a missing part or more likely an interruption of something that was more urgent to attend to.

If any of the above made you uncomfortable to the point that you are now sweating, it’s ok, take a deep breath.  There is no judgement in any of this.  It happens to all of us.  What you may not realize is that looking at stacks and “stuff” around you subconsciously adds stress and anxiety to your already busy life.  When you are able to clean up and clear space, that added stress goes away.  The feeling is incredibly rewarding.    After weeks of looking at stacks on a table, to be able look over at a clear table can actually make you feel lighter. 

Many of us put off clearing because we feel like we need to set up a big block of time to get it all done, but it doesn’t need to be like that.  All you need to do is decide to tackle one small area a day.  Or maybe there is one space that tends to be a magnet for “stuff” (for us that is right near the phone).  Start with that one space and commit to clearing it off at a specific time every day, maybe right after dinner or before you go to bed.  By getting rid of the clutter, you will not only clear off the surfaces but your home will be a more comforting, relaxing space to come home to.   

Journal on this: Where are than main areas in your home/life where you need to clean/organize/clear space?  How do those spaces make you feel today?  How will you feel when they are cleaned/organized/cleared?

Heart-FULLy Yours,   

Kacey

Gone Tastin'

Years ago my childhood friends and I tried to plan a vacation getting all our families together. For multiple reasons the vacation was cancelled, postponed and moved multiple times. After trying to plan for over a year we scrapped the original plans and my friends and I met up for a long weekend (leaving our families at home). Little did we know what an impact that weekend would have on all of us. The laughter, the fun and the break from motherly responsibilities was just what four moms with eight kids between them needed. A tradition was born. (A tradition that always seems to work in wine tasting no matter where we go.) Since that weekend, we have traveled to four different states, eight different cities and more wineries than you can count on two hands. This weekend marks our eighth consecutive year. 

We are often told, "It's so great that you do that" or "You are so lucky to be able to get away every year."  But our response is that luck has nothing to do with it.  All four of us make this trip a priority.  We plan months in advance and the date become sacred.  We've missed baseball games and family birthdays because of it. We’ve left behind sick kids, with a hug and a smile knowing that they would be just fine (and that we would get updates via text). We have a village that supports us while we are gone and that allows us to leave every ounce of guilt at home because we all need this time.  We need this time because over the years we've come to realize that to be the best mom's we can be, we must first be they best women we can be.  Being together makes us laugh and allows us to shed a little bit of responsibility for a couple of days.  Being together we get to eat good food, hot meals and leave our "schedule" behind.  But most of all, being together makes us stronger.

​

So forgive me for keeping it short this week, but it's time for me to go back to doing noting, or reading a magazine, or laughing about the time when......  And know that this post is not intended to make you jealous of us, but to tell you that you could, no you should do this too - grab a friend, make a plan and get away. 

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

Permission Slip

It seems as though everything regarding your children needs your signature.  You need to sign their homework, their behavior chart and their agenda for the day.  If you want to go into the school, you need to sign in and sign out.  To pick them up from daycare you need to sign them in and sign them out, both on the computer and on a piece of old fashioned paper.  Birthday parties that involve bouncing, or any other chance of injury, require a permission slip.  Play a sport?  You, and your child, must sign a good sportsmanship agreement.  Sign here, sign there, sign everywhere.  It’s a wonder that going over to a friend’s house or a slumber party does not require a credit and background check.

But it’s all good, right?  I make light of the situation, but we want our kids to be safe.  We entrust them to other individuals for a period of time and we want to make sure that those individuals take our children’s lives as seriously as we do (and in my experience those I have entrusted have gone above and beyond to care for my children). 

Not only do we give permission to others as it relates to our children, but we are also responsible for what our children do.  We give our children permission for screen time, for dessert, for anything that is considered a “treat” or out of the norm.  When they get older, permission revolves around time with friends, driving and curfew (aaahhh!).

Permission is part of being a parent – it’s what we do.

Now here we are at a fork in the story and we can go one of two ways with this.  Road number one, we can talk about permission, kids, and raising them to make the right choices.  Instilling in them values during this time of being able to grant “permission” so that when they are faced with a decision to make on their own they are grounded in right and wrong.  But that is not the road we are going to travel in today’s blog.  No my parent friends, we’re going to go the opposite way.  We’re going to talk about how easy it is for us to dole out permission (or not) for our kids without a blink of an eye, but when it comes to granting ourselves permission we go into lock down mode.

Did I lose you?  Is this a foreign concept to you?  Granting permission to myself…..whuuuuhhhh?  When was the last time you came in from a long day, sat down and did nothing before starting dinner/homework/dishes?  When was the last time you left the drama at the office because you knew that you didn’t want it to influence your mood for the rest of the night?  When was the last time you signed a permission slip for yourself?  To do something that you wanted to do?  That was more than going to Target or the grocery store?

New York Times Best Selling author Brene’ Brown tells a story about the first time she sat down with Oprah Winfrey to film an episode of Super Soul Sunday.  Brene’ Brown is a researcher and professor and carries with her the responsibility of academia with her.  Before arriving to the show, Brene’ explained that she sat down and physically wrote herself a permission slip to be in the emotion of the moment while filming the show.  She gave herself permission to show her true self and as a result connected with Oprah at such an authentic level that not only was she invited back to do a second show, but she also met Maya Angelou (whom she had been quoting in her classes for years). 

Why is it so hard for us to write a permission slip for ourselves?  Why do we feel guilty if we are not the one watching our child?  Why can’t we sit and do nothing or acknowledge that we need quiet time by ourselves?  Why is it that we struggle to write a permission slip to go get a mani/pedi or have a glass of wine with an old friend?  Or gawd forbid we make the time to take care of ourselves by exercising our body, making a healthy meal or getting the sleep our bodies crave.  We think that we are too busy or that we don’t have the time.  Is it that, or is it the guilt that is somehow associated with all of these things? What if we wrote ourselves our own permission slip, signed ourselves out, and took the time we so desperately need to refresh and reset so that we can be the best parent/spouse/co-worker/family member/friend that we can be?  

  

Journal on this: Write a permission slip for yourself right now that you have to execute in the next twenty-four hours.  What’s holding you back?  Write it all out and make it happen.

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

p.s. Why do you think I know so much about this?  Because I lived it.  Because I was once a mom that didn’t give myself permission to do anything outside of family, work and home.  I get it, I’ve been there and when you are there you feel like you are the only person who is feeling this way.  Don’t waste another day denying yourself permission.  Call me, PM me, email me, I can help you help yourself.  

Practice makes.....

How would you finish this sentence: Practice makes ______?  

Practice makes perfect is the most common ending to that sentence.  

Less popular, but no less true sentences would be:

Practice can make you better (or not).

Practice makes you crazy.

Practice makes you want to quit/give up.

Practice is necessary.

By now we’ve all heard the study that it takes about 10,000 hours of practice to master a skill.  Think Tiger Woods and golf, Bill Gates and computer programming.  You get the picture.  When you are really motivated to do something, or when it is something that really interests you, practicing is a challenge and a joy to do.  You want to get better so you practice and practice some more.  You see the results and any little improvement serves as motivation to keep going, doing and pushing forward.

But what about the things that don’t come so easily?  Practice in those cases feels like a chore, something you HAVE to do even though you don’t enjoy it very much.

My son loves baseball.  I joke with friends that if I had the energy he would practice with me nonstop all day long.  It is his passion, he loves it and practicing baseball is something he enjoys very much.  Whether it’s a dropped fly ball or a swing and a miss, he is self-motivated to try it again and again (and again) until he gets it right.  It is not work for him; it is pure enjoyment.  On the other hand, reading is not something he particularly likes.  First of all, it requires sitting still for a period of time, something that is not easy for an active eight year old.  Second, it’s just not something that he truly enjoys (which is especially hard for me to relate to as a lifelong book lover). So for all of these reasons, he’s not super excited to sit down and read for his nightly homework assignment.  I’ve started to relate reading to practicing – having to sound out a word is no different than dropping a pop fly.  Just because you drop it doesn’t mean you quit playing forever.  No, you figure out what you did wrong and try to do it better the next time.

As adults it gets easier to avoid the things that require practice.  If you are not good at something or not interested in getting better, you just don’t do it.  But if we are all honest with ourselves, we would realize that practice is on-going and never ending.  There is always something that we must practice – it may be a physical task related to your job, or exercise, or diet.  Or it may even be interpersonal practice – figuring out how to get along with a co-worker or resolve a misunderstanding with a friend.  Or it may just be being a parent – we’re all just practicing aren’t we?  You practice handling a situation with your kids in the best way you know possible in that moment.  If it doesn’t work out, then you learn from it and use it to guide you the next time.

What I know now is that the old saying is wrong, practice never makes perfect.  Practice often makes you better, but there’s no guarantee.  (Ever tried to play golf?)   Practice certainly helps us learn, improve and know more for next time.  The only thing that is for sure is that practice is never over.   

Journal on this: What practice have you been avoiding?

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

Hello

Last night as I was driving from work to get the kids I started thinking about what we would do when we got home.  After a long week, I wanted us to all spend time together, but selfishly I also wanted to relax.  I knew they would be tired too and it was possible they would want to do their own thing.  It reminded me of when they were babies I was so excited to see them I’d practically run out of work.  When I finally made it to the daycare their face would light up.  They were as happy to see me as I was to see them.  I remember the feeling vividly.    

How you greet someone sets the tone for everything that comes next.  Feelings are contagious.  Greet someone with joy and excitement and they’ll likely rise to meet your excitement.  On the other hand, if you are quiet or tired the other person will instantly ask “What’s wrong?”.  They’ll automatically abandon the feelings they were having to meet you at your level.  Hello is such a simple word but depending on our inflection, volume and tone, it can take on so much more.   

How we greet each other can have a big impact on our relationships.  Our current feelings (aka energy) directly impact the other person.  Often we allow these feelings to be driven by instinct.  If you are trying to make a good impression with a boss, teacher or new friend, you automatically rise to the occasion with a positive and enthusiastic greeting.  In relationships where you are more comfortable (spouse, parent, old friend), our instinct may default to letting our tiredness show through.  Our greetings in these situations are unfiltered and often a reflection of our exact emotion in that moment (which is not always a good thing). 

What would happen if we paid more attention to the way we said “Hello”?   

Journal on this: Think about the different ways you greet people throughout the day - how does your greeting change?  How do others greet you?  How do those greetings make you feel?  Is there a relationship (romantic, friend, family, work, etc.) that would benefit if you changed up your greeting?

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

p.s. How does your energy impact your everyday relationships?  In our next Journal 2 Joy workshop, “Relationships: It’s all about YOU!”, we’ll dig deeper into this very topic!  I hope you’ll join us Sunday, February 28^th as we talk about the role we play in ALL our relationships, not just romantic relationships, but family, work and friendships too.  R.S.V.P. today, visit http://www.balancedheartcoaching.com/journal-2-joy.html for all the details. 

8 is Great!

8 is Great

you couldn’t hardly wait

for this day to come

when we will celebrate 8!

You’re not a baby any more,

you’re big and strong.

You’ve got enough energy

to last you the whole day long.

You’ve gotten too big

to cuddle up every morn

but you still wake up and stretch

just like the day you were born.   

8 is great,

there’s so much you can do

hit a baseball, run a race

build a city or two. 

You’re our little home body,

you love to spend time with family and friends.

You’re a supportive teammate

and remember to be thankful when the day ends.

You’re considerate and nice,

always willing to lend a hand.

You’re sensitive to other’s feelings

helping them out any way you can.

8 is great

but it might start to get a little tough

learning you can’t win them all

and other grown up kind of stuff.

School’s getting a little harder

it’s not so easy breezy any more,

but now is when it gets interesting

there is so much more for you to explore.

It’s hard to understand why

people laugh and call names

but dad and I are always here

to talk about it and not find blame.

8 is great

there is so much more to come

but today we’ll enjoy this moment

and how blessed we are to have you Son.

Journal on this: What are your favorite moments right now with your child?  What funny things do they do or say?  How are you alike?  How are you different?  It’s easy to think you will remember all of the important moments, but as the years go by, those moments start to slip away.  Take a minute today to jot down what’s important today.  In eight years (or eighteen) you’ll be happy that you did.

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

Screen Time

Screen time is a daily topic in our household and I suspect it is for many of you as well.  You will find no shortage of articles on how much is too much and what is the right balance.  Earlier this week I posted a video by Dr. Shefali Tsabary.  She admits that her position on the subject is not clear cut and that as long as children have a balance, technology is not such a bad thing.  Other opinions take a more black and white approach.  Last month I read this article by a mom who strongly supports not giving her children a cell phone until after they turn 16. 

It’s a hot topic for a couple reasons.  One reason is that this is a new challenge faced by parents of this generation.  There is very little history to look back on, so we are all learning as we go.  There is also a safety concern of what they see online and who they connect with.  Of course there are also the social implications of what is appropriate to share, what is not and what they see their friends sharing.  It’s complicated.  The number of scenarios are endless and almost impossible to predict.  It’s also a topic that is surrounded by judgement.  As parents, we all want to do the “right” thing but we are all struggling to determine what the “right” thing is when it comes to screen time.    

Many of these articles focus on the perils of screen time – behavioral issues, sleep issues and the issues listed above.  Our children have grown up during a time when entertainment is literally at their fingertips whenever they want it.  Parents are also trying to juggle more than ever before, so using an iPad or movie to occupy your child while you get chores done is sometimes more of a necessity instead of a luxury.  As a result it’s easy for our children to become conditioned to the idea that they must being doing something every second of every day.  However, when you take away the screens something interesting happens.  The first reaction may be “I’m bored” or “there is nothing to do”.  Slowly creativity and imagination start to take over.  Forts are built.  Stores are opened.  Games are invented.  Adventures are had.  New worlds are created.  Eavesdropping on the conversations during these times is more entertaining than any screen could ever provide.      

The debate about screen time and technology is just getting started and will continue to rage on for years to come.  In the meantime, let’s not forget the importance of play time, creating something out of nothing and imagining that anything is possible.

Journal on this: What factors are most important to you in the screen time debate?  Why?  What do you think is best for your child’s personality?

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

CheerFULL

As many of you know I was lucky enough last weekend to go to an NFL playoff game.  The game was a battle - our home team was up, then they were down, then they were up again.  Just when it looked like they were going to win, the other team tied the game.  Two big plays in overtime and the home team emerged victorious!  It was an exciting game and unlike anything I had ever been a part of, so of course I had to look a little deeper and write about it.

The stadium holds over 60,000 people.  That is a lot of people.  Outside of a sporting event, where else do you ever have that many people in one place at one time?  A concert or an event at a convention center are the only other things I can think of that would compare.  A sporting event is unique because not only is it a lot of people, but all of those people are focused on the same thing.  They are watching and cheering for the action in front of them.  And let me tell you, the cheering is amazing.  According to the decibel meter inside the domed stadium, the noise level reached 114 decibels (that is really loud).  It’s almost as if it is contagious, the louder everyone around you is, the louder you get.  You’re clapping, shouting and high fiving strangers.  Cheering gives you this amazing energy – you can physically feel it within you.  You can tell that the cheering has an impact to the players on the field as they raise their arms encouraging the crowd to get louder.  It’s such an amazing feeling and atmosphere – how do you bring some of that to everyday life?  We naturally cheer/encourage our kids, spouse, friends and family without giving it much thought, but what if we were more intentional?  Wouldn’t it be great if you could gather up a couple people to cheer on your child before a big test or your spouse before a big presentation at work?  It doesn’t even have to be a big event, it could just be encouraging words at the beginning, middle or end of the day.  What kind of a difference would it make?  It’s so simple, yet it could actually make a really big difference (for you and the person you are cheering for).  Or on the flip side, are you like the players on the field in need of some louder cheers?  The players don’t feel bad or shy away from lifting their arms up and down encouraging the crowd to get louder, so why should you?  Need encouragement?  Ask for it.  Get those are around you (kids, spouse, co-workers, fellow Starbucks customers) to give you a cheer, a pat on the back or a smile.  That’s all it takes.   

Journal on this:  Who are you cheering for on a daily/weekly basis?  Is there someone else that could use more of your cheers?  What are you doing now and how could you step up your cheerfulness for them?

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

*My next workshop, Setting Resolutions that Stick, is tomorrow, Sunday January 24^th!  Details are here, sign up today! If you don’t live in AZ, or can’t make it to the workshop, let’s schedule time to get on the phone and talk about what you need to do to make your resolutions/intentions work for you! 

I don't know how

“My day was awesome!” my son proclaimed when I picked him up from school.  He proceeded to run down the events that led to such an awesome day – getting a piece of candy for helping out a teacher, being recognized on the school-wide announcements for getting an award and having a classmate share a prized possession with him, were among the highlights of the highlights.  Not to mention it was Friday which meant pizza, video games and family movie night, near nirvana when you are seven years old.  With so much excitement, it wasn’t surprising when bed time was met with resistance.  After lying there for only a couple seconds, he declared that he couldn’t go to sleep. I could see that the pendulum was swinging to the point of being over tired and emotions were taking over.  All of a sudden the “awesome” day was the “worst day ever” and tears were threatening.  I wasn’t going to let him go down this path.  I told him to remind his brain of all the awesome things that had happened today, to which he hopelessly replied “I don’t know how.”

Children are so honest.  This openness doesn’t last long, because soon they realize that when they admit that they don’t know how to do something people think they are weak.  We become masters of avoidance. We carefully tiptoe around situations where we would have to admit that we don’t know something.  The other side of the coin is that we use “I don’t know how” as an excuse to get out of doing certain things, like a work project or a friend asking for help on a home improvement project.  Imagine saying the words “I don’t know how” – how does that make you feel?  Anxious?  Embarrassed?  Hopeless?  Instead, why don’t we see “I don’t know how” as a new opportunity to learn and grow?   It should make us feel excited, educated and empowered.

I took a deep breath and said to him “You do know how - just think about the list of all the great things you told me when I picked you ….”  “But, I don’t know how!”  I knew he was tired and fueling this argument would not help the situation, so I held my rebuttal.  A few seconds went by.  He whispered in a small voice “Can YOU say the list?”  I quietly recounted all the things he had told me, plus the fun things that had happened while we had been home.  His breathing slowed and he smiled while we remembered the great moments of the day.  The awesome day was saved.  On the inside I could barely contain myself, I was so excited for what had just happened.  He saw that it was possible to turn your outlook around by focusing on the positive.  It will take a lot of repetition and practice, but we’ve taken the first step and that’s all that matters today.     

Journal on this:  What does it feel like to say “I don’t know how”?  How do you flip the script to be a positive?

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

*My next workshop, Setting Resolutions that Stick, is NEXT Sunday January 24^th!  Details are here, sign up today! If you don’t live in AZ, or can’t make it to the workshop, let’s schedule time to get on the phone and talk about what you need to do to make your resolutions/intentions work for you! 

Love Language

A couple years ago, Katy Perry had a popular song “Unconditional”.  At the time, I was driving in the car with my kids and they were singing along to the radio.  Seeing this as an opportunity to talk to them, when the song was over I asked them “What does unconditional mean?”  They looked a little confused and weren’t quite sure.  They were only 9 and 5 at the time and I knew it wouldn’t be a word they were overly familiar with.  After a minute of guessing, I told them “It means I love you no matter what.”  They paused for a moment and then began singing the next song.  It wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for, but it a started the conversation.  A couple weeks later, my five year old came home with a not so stellar report for the day – he had been talking in class and gotten a warning from the teacher.  He was nervous to tell me, worried about my reaction.  I reminded him that I loved him no matter what, that though I may be disappointed in his behavior for the day, it doesn’t change the amount of love that I have for him.  A tough conversation to have at any age and to be honest I’m not sure he truly got it at the time but, I know that by talking about it with him a dialogue has started to try to explain such a deep and layered emotion.

Remembering this conversation made me start thinking about how we communicate love.  Love is first and foremost a feeling.  It just is, the why and the how of love are difficult to put into words.  You feel it as a physical sensation and as an emotion.  The communication of love tends to be instinctual.  We think about it a lot from our perspective of how we want to show the person love, but do we spend a lot of time thinking about the person receiving the love?   There is a great book by Gary Chapman that many of you have read called The 5 Love Languages.  In the book he proposes that we all express love and respond to those expressions of love in different ways.  He created five categories, or languages, for understanding how the people in your life give, receive and interpret love.  What I find most interesting is that you can also relate these languages to your children.  When you go to the website and there is a version of the quiz that is geared specifically towards children.  Once you know that “quality time” or “words of affirmation” are your child’s primary love language, you can use that in your daily interactions with them.  For someone who’s love language is “physical touch” a hug every morning means more to them than any gift you might give them later on.  This becomes especially useful when the child’s love language does not match your own.  You may think that helping them out with their chores (act of service) was a great way to show them that you loved them, but if their language is “words of affirmation” they would have rather you praised them for doing a great job with their chores instead.  The great thing about the love languages is that they are easy to incorporate into everyday life.  Like a pebble in a pond, it’s often the simple things that can make a lasting impact. 

Journal on this:  What are the love languages of the special people in your life?  (This includes mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, best friends, etc.)  How do their actions reflect their language?  How do your actions reflect your language?  What would change if your actions reflected their language?

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

*My next workshop, Setting Resolutions that Stick, will be Sunday January 24^th in Chandler, you can find details here. If you don’t live in AZ, or can’t make it to the workshop, let’s schedule time to get on the phone and talk about what you need to do to make your resolutions/intentions work for you! 

Being vs. Doing

Last week I challenged you to think about what you wanted to accomplish in 2016, to write it down, tell someone, to feel the fear and do it anyway.  After I wrote that, it was no surprise that the majority of messages and emails I received throughout the week all talked about the best way to start the New Year.  Author Gabby Bernstein shared her practice of focusing on one new intention, one meditation and one spiritual lesson to apply per month.  Professor and author Brene’ Brown talked about the importance of taking time to play in the New Year.  Dr. Christine Carter, author of The Sweet Spot, explained that it’s not about what you want to achieve, but how you want to feel. 

An email from the Coach Training Alliance looked at things from a slightly different perspective.  The email explained that a resolution is an act that requires doing.  A resolution implies that there is something that needs to be fixed, so you must do things differently to achieve your goal.  Instead they suggest setting an intention, which they define as a “positive directional desire grounded in a goal.  It artfully recognizes the journey of change and begs the question of how an intention is going to be supported.”  An intention then is not as much about doing, but an overall way of being.  In simpler terms, by setting an intention you try to make it a part of your everyday life so that it can become second nature.  This was, and still is, a hard concept for me to get my arms around because I am a do-er.  I like to make a list, check things off and feel like I am making forward progress in accomplishing something.  However in our hyper focus of checking off the list, it’s easy to overlook what it would take to incorporate this into our everyday lives.  In other words, the resolution to fix something isn’t as simple as putting duct tape over it, because the crack under the tape still remains.

As some of you know I’ve recently started a series of Journal workshops*.  I’ve been writing down my thoughts and ideas since I received my first diary for my tenth birthday.  I love that my journal the one place where I can say whatever I want with no filter.  Over the years I’ve found that it is a great outlet and often leads me to look at a situation differently.  This year I am going to start something new within the blog and include journal prompts for you to think about.  I encourage you to take 5 minutes and free write (or type) whatever comes to your head after reading the prompt (no editing allowed).  Try it out, you might just be surprised with what you learn about yourself.

Journal on this: Are you setting resolutions or intentions?  How can you make small changes to make it less about what you do and more about an everyday habit?    

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

*My next workshop, Setting Resolutions that Stick, will be Sunday January 24^th in Chandler (watch FB for more details). If you don’t live in AZ, or can’t make it to the workshop, let’s schedule time to get on the phone and talk about what you need to do to make your resolutions/intentions work for you! 

Fear not

My house this morning is the exact opposite as it was yesterday at this time.  Today everyone is still asleep.  Yesterday there was light and excitement, this morning it is dark and quiet.  Yesterday there was anticipation, happiness and joy.  This morning there is calm, contentment and peacefulness.  The craziness of the holiday season is over and we have all survived.

As we sat in our Christmas Eve service, the pastor delivered his sermon entitled “Fear Not”.  There are multiple references in the Christmas story where someone, usually an angel, begins by saying “Fear not”.  I’ve heard the story many times and have never really given much thought to those two words, we usually focus on what is said after those words as the core of the story.  What struck me was two things.  First the reassurance to fear not, do not be afraid, that without those words the listeners could have focused on the fear to the point where they didn’t even listen to anything else that was said.  The second thing that struck me was what would have happened if fear had overtaken them?  It wouldn’t have been a very good story if the recipients of the messages were paralyzed by fear and stayed right where they were. 

Fear is a common thing, we’re all afraid of something, but is it holding us back?  Is there a message that you are missing because you’re stuck thinking about how scary it might be?  Is there something that you avoid doing because it makes your heart beat a little faster?  What is that one thing you really want to do but……….  Success Coach Kelly Atwood recently said “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”  This has become a personal mantra for me.  Whenever I start to feel that little twinge of nervousness, I imagine Kelly standing beside me saying “do it anyway!”  In order to grow and keep moving forward, we need to face our fears or at least face the things that make us feel uncomfortable and push through them. 

This next week is typically one where we reflect on the past year and get ready for the year to come.  Whether you formally set resolutions or not, think about what you want to accomplish in 2016.  It could be big or small, just try to be specific.  Write it down or type it out, somewhere that you can refer to it.  Even better, tell someone else and keep them posted on your progress.  Whatever you do, fear not and do it anyway!   

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

Sometimes there is a bit of a letdown after the holidays are over - two years ago I referred to it as the Holiday Hangover.  If you are feeling the “holiday hangover” or feeling a bit stuck when it comes to your fears holding you back, you are not alone!  Let’s talk through it and set up a plan that will work for you.  

Pictures

Capturing a moment in a picture has become so easy and accessible.  It takes seconds to grab your phone, snap a few pictures and capture a moment forever.  Add in a few more seconds and your picture can be shared with hundreds of your closest friends and family.  Film cameras seem like something from the ancient past.  You’d selectively take your pictures, not wanting to have too many of the same shot because you “only” had 12 pictures on the roll.  You had no idea if everyone was smiling or not or if your finger was over the lens.  You took the shot and hoped for the best.  I remember going with my mom to drop off the rolls film at the tiny little photo hut in the middle of a random parking lot on Robertson.  We’d return a couple days later, eagerly anticipating the photos that were waiting for us in the envelope.  If you wanted to share the pictures with your friends and family, you looked at the negatives, selected the number and then went back to the photo hut to have copies made.  When describing this to my kids, they can’t even imagine what it would be like not to be able to instantly view your pictures.

Technology is amazing.  When we took picture with film cameras we used them to capture only special events, holidays and vacations.  Now, we use pictures to capture any moment, meal or image that moves us.  Earlier this week as I was driving home I saw the most amazing sunset.  The sun was setting behind a mountain, which gave the mountain a purple hue.  The yellow and orange made it look as it the top of the mountain was on fire, and for some strange reason reminded me of a scene from Finding Nemo.  The colors across the sky were amazing and my first thought was, I have to take a picture.  I knew I should pull over to get the perfect shot, but then worried that it would delay me in picking up the kids.  Thankfully the next light turned red and I was able to quickly snap a picture (above).  When I looked at the picture later though I realized that it didn’t even do justice to the sunset itself.  Sure you could get an idea of the spectrum of colors, but the real thing was so much more beautiful.  Maybe it’s only me because I’m not a professional photographer, but rarely do my pictures capture the full beauty of the moment.  It got me thinking our first instinct now is to grab our phone and start snapping pictures, but what are we missing in the process?  Are we taking the time to really look at the sunset, appreciate the colors and admire the beauty for what it is?  Over the next week, there will be many opportunities to take pictures and document the holidays in great detail.  Fortunately you can take pictures to your heart’s content and don’t have to wonder if the film is going to turn out or not but keep in mind, the picture will rarely capture the full beauty of the moment.

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

Less Stress, More JOY

This is my favorite time of the year.  Starting with Thanksgiving all the way through to New Year’s there is a special feeling in the air.  There is excitement and anticipation.  There is a feeling of kind heartedness, generosity and gratitude.  And then about this time every year, less than two weeks before Christmas, there is a feeling of stress that starts to creep in.  The days are ticking down and the to-do list is getting longer.  The burden of the “perfect” outdoor lights, indoor tree, Christmas card, wrapped gifts, table scape and gourmet meal start to weigh down on you.  A few years ago as I hurriedly rushed around the mall, weaving in and out of people, impatiently waiting my turn in line, it hit me – this is supposed to be fun.  What happened to the joy of the holidays?

Over the last few weeks, I had the opportunity to lead two journal workshops on this exact topic.  I knew I was not alone in my feelings of getting so “wrapped up” (pun intended) in the day to day tasks of holiday preparation that it stopped being fun.  Ever since my moment in the mall, I’ve made a conscious effort to remember joy throughout the holiday season and I wanted to share some ideas that have worked for me over the last couple years.  One of our exercises was to write down what we think of when we think of the holidays.  In one column we listed all the emotions that we associate with the holidays and in the other column all the physical things, like the tree, gifts, etc.  After writing down everything we could think of, we looked at how the emotions aligned, or did not align, with the things that were on the list.  We discussed traditions that we were maintaining that we really didn’t even enjoy.  We discussed things that were on the list just because everyone else is doing them.  We then prioritized the emotions and the things, which ones meant the most to us and which ones should we try to eliminate.  Emotions like stress and family drama were definitely on the elimination list, but how to eliminate led to a great conversation.  We talked about the work that Shawn Achor has done studying happiness.  His research has shown that happiness and negativity are contagious.  We have far more influence on those around us than we might realize.   Our mirror neurons instinctively reflect the happiness, someone smiling at you, or the negativity, someone impatiently waiting for a plane, around you.  (You can watch the talk here.)  We concluded that family drama may be inevitable, but that we all have a choice on how we are going to approach it and what we are going to do.

At the end of the workshop I left the group with a challenge and now I'm challenging you too.  Whenever you see the word "joy", pause for a minute and check in with yourself.  If you are feeling stressed, take a deep breath and reset.  Let joy bring a smile to your face and use it as a reminder as a reason for the season.  Yesterday a co-worker came back from lunch with a "joy" decoration for her desk (picture above).  As I was driving home from work listening to a local pop station, the name of the song I had heard dozens of times, had the word joy in it and I never realized it.  Joy is all around you, all you have to do is look for it.

Joy-FULLy Yours,
Kacey   

    

Not Flexible

On Wednesday morning, I read an article in the November issue of O Magazine about flexibility.  The author had never been a flexible person and went to see a physical trainer whose specialty was stretching to achieve greater flexibility.  He explained to her (I’m paraphrasing) that most people’s muscles are imbalanced, as a result groups of muscles over compensate for other muscle groups.  When this happens you overuse certain muscles, which leads to tightness and imbalance.  The trainer put her through a series of stretches and exercises to help release the tightened muscles and her flexibility instantly improved.  My thoughts in reading the article were #1 releasing those tensed up muscles must feel so amazing and #2 I wish it were only as easy as a few deep stretches.

Later that afternoon, I was invited to a work dinner with a client.  I was given about an hour’s notice and my boss encouraged me to go.  Jokingly I said to her “When in 11 years have I ever been able to do anything with only an hour’s notice?”  The answer is….never.  I am fortunate that she completely understands, being a working mom herself, as did the client (who ended up cancelling at the last minute anyway).  Little did they know how full my night already was with softball practice, homework, dinner (somewhere in there) and a last minute run to Target for supplies for the science project.

The very next night, I stopped by a going away happy hour for one of my team members.  I knew it would be a quick stop, but it was important to me to stop by and wish her well.  I was envious of everyone’s frosty drinks but knew that I had to be getting home.  I picked up the kids, everyone had a great day and homework was done – hooray!  As I waited for the dinner to cook, I caught up on Facebook.  A friend was tagged in a picture of a list of the 5^th & 6^th grade Spelling Bee participants (of which her daughter was representing one of the 5^th grade classrooms).  I looked at the rest of the list to see if there was anyone else’s name I recognized……..when all of a sudden I saw my daughter’s name next to her class.  How exciting!  I rushed into the other room to ask her about it and her face lit up with a big smile.  Yes, she had forgotten to tell me but it was true, she was in the Spelling Bee!  We celebrated, this was so exciting.  A couple minutes later I asked the telltale question -when is it?  It’s tomorrow.  At 8:45am.  My heart sank.  What?  (My first reaction is always panic, like that feeling when your alarm doesn’t go off and you wake up late.)  I have meetings in the morning and it’s really late for me to try to change them now.  She started to cry and I wanted to cry.  Thoughts of frustration, anger, sadness and hopelessness ran through my head.  How could she have forgotten?  What am I supposed to do?  I can’t possibly miss this, can I?  I took a deep breath, apologized and told her I would do everything I could to make it.  In my head I knew it all came down to a choice.

My life is not flexible.  My life works like the body works, each muscle playing it’s part and compensating for the ones that can’t do it on their own.  It’s not easy and though I may write this blog every week, I still struggle to find my own balance.  The key for me is that it is all about choices.  In every situation you have a choice.  Every day you get to decide what is important to you for that day.  What is important to you in the morning may shift and change in the afternoon.  Those shifts and changes are ok as long as you are the one making the choice, rather than letting another person or situation make the choice for you.  The thing about choices is that there are consequences.  The consequences are inevitable.  Whenever you have to choose one thing over another you risk disappointing someone or making them angry with you or putting yourself at a disadvantage.  When you weigh the options and make a choice own it, the good and the bad and be unapologetic.  Don’t commiserate over what could have been or replay it over and over in your head.  Don’t judge yourself for the choice that you make.  Make the choice that is right for you.

The choice I made was to email my coworker, explain my situation and ask if there was a way she could cover me in the meeting we had at 9am.  I knew that if she said no, then I would go to the meeting and miss that part of the spelling bee.  I knew that if she said yes, it could mean losing credibility with the client or more work for me, but this was my choice, I had to own it either way.  Fortunately for me, she emailed me back about an hour later confirming she’d be at the meeting.  In the end it all worked out.

The moral of my story today - you can’t do it all.  It’s physically impossible.  Instead you have to make choices.  Before you make those choices you have to dig really deep within yourself and decide what is important to you, you and only you.  Only when you are clear on your own intentions, your own flexibility, will you be able to make the choices that are best for you.   

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

One more thought – working on your “flexibility” is hard!  As you can see, even after working on it for a couple years I still have moments of struggle.  But the good news is that along the way I’ve found tools that really help and I’d love to share them with you.  Email me at balancedheartcoaching@gmail.com and we can chat more about how you can find your flexibility.

Road Trip

Like many people, our Thanksgiving tradition includes a road trip.  The drive from Phoenix to Los Angeles is between six and seven hours, depending on how often you stop and how fast you drive.  The beginning of the trip always starts out with a lot of excitement.  Eager for the journey ahead, spirits are high and there is constant chatter over what awaits us at our destination.  Batteries are fully charged, bags are filled with fun stuff to do and snacks are plentiful.  The trip has begun.

An hour into the trip, we get our first “how many more hours?”  The answer isn’t a popular one, but it’s accepted and they easily go back to their movie or game of the moment.  During the middle of the road trip we are surrounded by open roads and desert for as far as the eye can see.  There are few places to stop which makes it easy to keep going, moving forward and all the while getting closer to our ultimate destination.

The last two hours are always the hardest.  Surrounded again by the comforts of a city, there’s an anticipation that any of the exits could be “the one”.  Legs are starting to cramp and tempers are starting to flare.  Snacks are no longer a special treat and everything to do has turned boring.  Inevitably we get stuck in traffic, which slows the trip down even more.  ‘Are we there yet’ becomes a banned phrase that can no longer be uttered by any human within the confines of the vehicle. 

When we finally arrive, all the excitement and energy from the beginning of the trip returns.  Hugs from family members erase any tension that built up over the miles.  You can finally take a deep breath, there is comfort simply in the fact that you have arrived.

As we were driving, I couldn’t help but think about how the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas are also like a road trip.  You start off excited and happy.  Somewhere in the middle, it gets harder and you wonder if you are going to make it.  You want to pull off the road.  Obstacles get in your way that you down.  You may have to take an unexpected detour.  When you are in the middle of the trip it’s easy to feel like you are never going to get there but through it all, but your destination remains the same.

I hope you are packed and ready to go.  Set your GPS and if you have to decide between two routes, let your heart be your guide.  The road trip to the holidays starts today. 

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

p.s. You may be thinking, the blog is great, but I could never do that!  I disagree and am here to help!  Let’s schedule a 30 minute consultation to define what matters most to you right now and create a plan on how to spend more of your time doing that.  Email me at balancedheartcoaching@gmail.com and we’ll work out the details. 

What's this about?

Over the last couple weeks I’ve had a couple people ask me “What’s your blog about?”  Oddly enough the question catches me off guard and I struggle to answer because to me the blog is about so many different things it’s hard to narrow it down.  I usually end up responding that it’s about parenting and work life balance.  That it often includes funny stories about my kids going through various situations where someone always responds, “my kids do that too”.  Even though I think that was a pretty good answer, the question is still nagging me.

The blog is also my chance to share quotes, ideas and concepts that I’ve read about that make me stop and think.  This week I read a quote from the book “The Upside of Stress” by Kelly McGonigal:

Stress caused by the news, as opposed to stress caused by your life, is unique in its ability to trigger a sense of hopelessness. Watching TV news after a natural disaster or terrorist attack has consistently been shown to increase the risk of developing depression or post-traumatic stress disorder. One shocking study found that people who watched six or more hours of news about the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing were more likely to develop post-traumatic stress symptoms than people who were actually at the bombing and personally affected by it.

Can you believe that?  People who watched over 6 hours of news on the bombing had more symptoms than the people who were actually there!  That is crazy!  What a vivid reminder that what we choose to pay attention to matters. 

This week on Facebook millions of people created word clouds showing their most used words in their posts over the last year.  I’m not typically one to participate in all the Facebook quizzes but this one intrigued me.  My word cloud looked like this:

There are many words that stand out at first glance: time, day, love, beautiful, happy, one, think, kids and weekend.  But as I looked at it again, the words that really stood out were time, day, love and one.  Shuffling them around they make the phrase “Love one day (at a) time” which is another accurate description of what this blog is about.  It’s about giving yourself a break, not being consumed by the to-do list and taking time to enjoy each day as it comes.

The blog is also my opportunity to share with you some of my favorite things.  This week we will all celebrate Thanksgiving, one of my favorite holidays of the year.  I love the outpouring of gratitude that is not only expressed but also felt during Thanksgiving.  In one of my favorite quotes, Marie Forleo says it best:

Gratitude is simply a deep and genuine sense of appreciation for what you have in your life. For things big and small. For the air you breathe; the unconditional love of your pet; for blessing of someone who loves you.And this shouldn’t just be an intellectual or mental exercise, it should touch you and fill you up emotionally.Because when you genuinely fill yourself up with the emotion of appreciation, it changes how you feel and it completely alters the actions you take and, therefore, the results you’ll create.

Happy Thanksgiving!      

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

p.s. You may be thinking, the blog is great, but I could never do that!  I disagree and am here to help!  Let’s schedule a 30 minute consultation to define what matters most to you right now and create a plan on how to spend more of your time doing that.  Email me at balancedheartcoaching@gmail.com and we’ll work out the details.