Clutter

Yesterday I overheard the following “Team, one thing you should know about me is that it is my pet peeve to have a messy dugout!  Let’s keep the walkway clear, put your gloves and water bottles under the bench when we are not using them.”  If you guessed that quote came from one of the coaches, you would be wrong, it was actually one of the 11-year-old players!  It made me smile for two reasons.  The first I was impressed that she was confident enough and sure enough of herself, to stand in front of her peers and say something that could have been met with eye-rolls and criticism.  Let’s face it, tween girls are not always nice and peer acceptance is a big thing at this age.  The second thing that stood out to me was that she believed with a little bit of organization, things would run more smoothly during the game, a pretty advanced concept if you think about it.

There are varying degrees of organization depending on your personality and life-style.  Some people are extremely organized with everything in a specific place at all times.  While others may feel like they don’t have that gene and take a looser approach to organization.  No matter where you fall in the spectrum chances are that when days get busy and time at home is rushed, little piles start to grow.  It starts out innocently enough with a stack of mail that you weren’t able to get to.  A couple days later you pile on copies of your finished tax returns or a stack of catalogs you want to look through.  Meanwhile in your bedroom a pile is starting to form of clothes that need to be ironed or maybe the ironing board is still out 3 days later and is now growing stacks of its own.  If you live with others, the stacks and piles and clutter multiplies exponentially.  Toys are strewn about waiting for someone to come back and play with them.  Home projects are left unfinished because of a missing part or more likely an interruption of something that was more urgent to attend to.

If any of the above made you uncomfortable to the point that you are now sweating, it’s ok, take a deep breath.  There is no judgement in any of this.  It happens to all of us.  What you may not realize is that looking at stacks and “stuff” around you subconsciously adds stress and anxiety to your already busy life.  When you are able to clean up and clear space, that added stress goes away.  The feeling is incredibly rewarding.    After weeks of looking at stacks on a table, to be able look over at a clear table can actually make you feel lighter. 

Many of us put off clearing because we feel like we need to set up a big block of time to get it all done, but it doesn’t need to be like that.  All you need to do is decide to tackle one small area a day.  Or maybe there is one space that tends to be a magnet for “stuff” (for us that is right near the phone).  Start with that one space and commit to clearing it off at a specific time every day, maybe right after dinner or before you go to bed.  By getting rid of the clutter, you will not only clear off the surfaces but your home will be a more comforting, relaxing space to come home to.   

Journal on this: Where are than main areas in your home/life where you need to clean/organize/clear space?  How do those spaces make you feel today?  How will you feel when they are cleaned/organized/cleared?

Heart-FULLy Yours,   

Kacey

Gone Tastin'

Years ago my childhood friends and I tried to plan a vacation getting all our families together. For multiple reasons the vacation was cancelled, postponed and moved multiple times. After trying to plan for over a year we scrapped the original plans and my friends and I met up for a long weekend (leaving our families at home). Little did we know what an impact that weekend would have on all of us. The laughter, the fun and the break from motherly responsibilities was just what four moms with eight kids between them needed. A tradition was born. (A tradition that always seems to work in wine tasting no matter where we go.) Since that weekend, we have traveled to four different states, eight different cities and more wineries than you can count on two hands. This weekend marks our eighth consecutive year. 

We are often told, "It's so great that you do that" or "You are so lucky to be able to get away every year."  But our response is that luck has nothing to do with it.  All four of us make this trip a priority.  We plan months in advance and the date become sacred.  We've missed baseball games and family birthdays because of it. We’ve left behind sick kids, with a hug and a smile knowing that they would be just fine (and that we would get updates via text). We have a village that supports us while we are gone and that allows us to leave every ounce of guilt at home because we all need this time.  We need this time because over the years we've come to realize that to be the best mom's we can be, we must first be they best women we can be.  Being together makes us laugh and allows us to shed a little bit of responsibility for a couple of days.  Being together we get to eat good food, hot meals and leave our "schedule" behind.  But most of all, being together makes us stronger.

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So forgive me for keeping it short this week, but it's time for me to go back to doing noting, or reading a magazine, or laughing about the time when......  And know that this post is not intended to make you jealous of us, but to tell you that you could, no you should do this too - grab a friend, make a plan and get away. 

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

Permission Slip

It seems as though everything regarding your children needs your signature.  You need to sign their homework, their behavior chart and their agenda for the day.  If you want to go into the school, you need to sign in and sign out.  To pick them up from daycare you need to sign them in and sign them out, both on the computer and on a piece of old fashioned paper.  Birthday parties that involve bouncing, or any other chance of injury, require a permission slip.  Play a sport?  You, and your child, must sign a good sportsmanship agreement.  Sign here, sign there, sign everywhere.  It’s a wonder that going over to a friend’s house or a slumber party does not require a credit and background check.

But it’s all good, right?  I make light of the situation, but we want our kids to be safe.  We entrust them to other individuals for a period of time and we want to make sure that those individuals take our children’s lives as seriously as we do (and in my experience those I have entrusted have gone above and beyond to care for my children). 

Not only do we give permission to others as it relates to our children, but we are also responsible for what our children do.  We give our children permission for screen time, for dessert, for anything that is considered a “treat” or out of the norm.  When they get older, permission revolves around time with friends, driving and curfew (aaahhh!).

Permission is part of being a parent – it’s what we do.

Now here we are at a fork in the story and we can go one of two ways with this.  Road number one, we can talk about permission, kids, and raising them to make the right choices.  Instilling in them values during this time of being able to grant “permission” so that when they are faced with a decision to make on their own they are grounded in right and wrong.  But that is not the road we are going to travel in today’s blog.  No my parent friends, we’re going to go the opposite way.  We’re going to talk about how easy it is for us to dole out permission (or not) for our kids without a blink of an eye, but when it comes to granting ourselves permission we go into lock down mode.

Did I lose you?  Is this a foreign concept to you?  Granting permission to myself…..whuuuuhhhh?  When was the last time you came in from a long day, sat down and did nothing before starting dinner/homework/dishes?  When was the last time you left the drama at the office because you knew that you didn’t want it to influence your mood for the rest of the night?  When was the last time you signed a permission slip for yourself?  To do something that you wanted to do?  That was more than going to Target or the grocery store?

New York Times Best Selling author Brene’ Brown tells a story about the first time she sat down with Oprah Winfrey to film an episode of Super Soul Sunday.  Brene’ Brown is a researcher and professor and carries with her the responsibility of academia with her.  Before arriving to the show, Brene’ explained that she sat down and physically wrote herself a permission slip to be in the emotion of the moment while filming the show.  She gave herself permission to show her true self and as a result connected with Oprah at such an authentic level that not only was she invited back to do a second show, but she also met Maya Angelou (whom she had been quoting in her classes for years). 

Why is it so hard for us to write a permission slip for ourselves?  Why do we feel guilty if we are not the one watching our child?  Why can’t we sit and do nothing or acknowledge that we need quiet time by ourselves?  Why is it that we struggle to write a permission slip to go get a mani/pedi or have a glass of wine with an old friend?  Or gawd forbid we make the time to take care of ourselves by exercising our body, making a healthy meal or getting the sleep our bodies crave.  We think that we are too busy or that we don’t have the time.  Is it that, or is it the guilt that is somehow associated with all of these things? What if we wrote ourselves our own permission slip, signed ourselves out, and took the time we so desperately need to refresh and reset so that we can be the best parent/spouse/co-worker/family member/friend that we can be?  

  

Journal on this: Write a permission slip for yourself right now that you have to execute in the next twenty-four hours.  What’s holding you back?  Write it all out and make it happen.

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

p.s. Why do you think I know so much about this?  Because I lived it.  Because I was once a mom that didn’t give myself permission to do anything outside of family, work and home.  I get it, I’ve been there and when you are there you feel like you are the only person who is feeling this way.  Don’t waste another day denying yourself permission.  Call me, PM me, email me, I can help you help yourself.  

Practice makes.....

How would you finish this sentence: Practice makes ______?  

Practice makes perfect is the most common ending to that sentence.  

Less popular, but no less true sentences would be:

Practice can make you better (or not).

Practice makes you crazy.

Practice makes you want to quit/give up.

Practice is necessary.

By now we’ve all heard the study that it takes about 10,000 hours of practice to master a skill.  Think Tiger Woods and golf, Bill Gates and computer programming.  You get the picture.  When you are really motivated to do something, or when it is something that really interests you, practicing is a challenge and a joy to do.  You want to get better so you practice and practice some more.  You see the results and any little improvement serves as motivation to keep going, doing and pushing forward.

But what about the things that don’t come so easily?  Practice in those cases feels like a chore, something you HAVE to do even though you don’t enjoy it very much.

My son loves baseball.  I joke with friends that if I had the energy he would practice with me nonstop all day long.  It is his passion, he loves it and practicing baseball is something he enjoys very much.  Whether it’s a dropped fly ball or a swing and a miss, he is self-motivated to try it again and again (and again) until he gets it right.  It is not work for him; it is pure enjoyment.  On the other hand, reading is not something he particularly likes.  First of all, it requires sitting still for a period of time, something that is not easy for an active eight year old.  Second, it’s just not something that he truly enjoys (which is especially hard for me to relate to as a lifelong book lover). So for all of these reasons, he’s not super excited to sit down and read for his nightly homework assignment.  I’ve started to relate reading to practicing – having to sound out a word is no different than dropping a pop fly.  Just because you drop it doesn’t mean you quit playing forever.  No, you figure out what you did wrong and try to do it better the next time.

As adults it gets easier to avoid the things that require practice.  If you are not good at something or not interested in getting better, you just don’t do it.  But if we are all honest with ourselves, we would realize that practice is on-going and never ending.  There is always something that we must practice – it may be a physical task related to your job, or exercise, or diet.  Or it may even be interpersonal practice – figuring out how to get along with a co-worker or resolve a misunderstanding with a friend.  Or it may just be being a parent – we’re all just practicing aren’t we?  You practice handling a situation with your kids in the best way you know possible in that moment.  If it doesn’t work out, then you learn from it and use it to guide you the next time.

What I know now is that the old saying is wrong, practice never makes perfect.  Practice often makes you better, but there’s no guarantee.  (Ever tried to play golf?)   Practice certainly helps us learn, improve and know more for next time.  The only thing that is for sure is that practice is never over.   

Journal on this: What practice have you been avoiding?

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

Hello

Last night as I was driving from work to get the kids I started thinking about what we would do when we got home.  After a long week, I wanted us to all spend time together, but selfishly I also wanted to relax.  I knew they would be tired too and it was possible they would want to do their own thing.  It reminded me of when they were babies I was so excited to see them I’d practically run out of work.  When I finally made it to the daycare their face would light up.  They were as happy to see me as I was to see them.  I remember the feeling vividly.    

How you greet someone sets the tone for everything that comes next.  Feelings are contagious.  Greet someone with joy and excitement and they’ll likely rise to meet your excitement.  On the other hand, if you are quiet or tired the other person will instantly ask “What’s wrong?”.  They’ll automatically abandon the feelings they were having to meet you at your level.  Hello is such a simple word but depending on our inflection, volume and tone, it can take on so much more.   

How we greet each other can have a big impact on our relationships.  Our current feelings (aka energy) directly impact the other person.  Often we allow these feelings to be driven by instinct.  If you are trying to make a good impression with a boss, teacher or new friend, you automatically rise to the occasion with a positive and enthusiastic greeting.  In relationships where you are more comfortable (spouse, parent, old friend), our instinct may default to letting our tiredness show through.  Our greetings in these situations are unfiltered and often a reflection of our exact emotion in that moment (which is not always a good thing). 

What would happen if we paid more attention to the way we said “Hello”?   

Journal on this: Think about the different ways you greet people throughout the day - how does your greeting change?  How do others greet you?  How do those greetings make you feel?  Is there a relationship (romantic, friend, family, work, etc.) that would benefit if you changed up your greeting?

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

p.s. How does your energy impact your everyday relationships?  In our next Journal 2 Joy workshop, “Relationships: It’s all about YOU!”, we’ll dig deeper into this very topic!  I hope you’ll join us Sunday, February 28^th as we talk about the role we play in ALL our relationships, not just romantic relationships, but family, work and friendships too.  R.S.V.P. today, visit http://www.balancedheartcoaching.com/journal-2-joy.html for all the details. 

8 is Great!

8 is Great

you couldn’t hardly wait

for this day to come

when we will celebrate 8!

You’re not a baby any more,

you’re big and strong.

You’ve got enough energy

to last you the whole day long.

You’ve gotten too big

to cuddle up every morn

but you still wake up and stretch

just like the day you were born.   

8 is great,

there’s so much you can do

hit a baseball, run a race

build a city or two. 

You’re our little home body,

you love to spend time with family and friends.

You’re a supportive teammate

and remember to be thankful when the day ends.

You’re considerate and nice,

always willing to lend a hand.

You’re sensitive to other’s feelings

helping them out any way you can.

8 is great

but it might start to get a little tough

learning you can’t win them all

and other grown up kind of stuff.

School’s getting a little harder

it’s not so easy breezy any more,

but now is when it gets interesting

there is so much more for you to explore.

It’s hard to understand why

people laugh and call names

but dad and I are always here

to talk about it and not find blame.

8 is great

there is so much more to come

but today we’ll enjoy this moment

and how blessed we are to have you Son.

Journal on this: What are your favorite moments right now with your child?  What funny things do they do or say?  How are you alike?  How are you different?  It’s easy to think you will remember all of the important moments, but as the years go by, those moments start to slip away.  Take a minute today to jot down what’s important today.  In eight years (or eighteen) you’ll be happy that you did.

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey

Screen Time

Screen time is a daily topic in our household and I suspect it is for many of you as well.  You will find no shortage of articles on how much is too much and what is the right balance.  Earlier this week I posted a video by Dr. Shefali Tsabary.  She admits that her position on the subject is not clear cut and that as long as children have a balance, technology is not such a bad thing.  Other opinions take a more black and white approach.  Last month I read this article by a mom who strongly supports not giving her children a cell phone until after they turn 16. 

It’s a hot topic for a couple reasons.  One reason is that this is a new challenge faced by parents of this generation.  There is very little history to look back on, so we are all learning as we go.  There is also a safety concern of what they see online and who they connect with.  Of course there are also the social implications of what is appropriate to share, what is not and what they see their friends sharing.  It’s complicated.  The number of scenarios are endless and almost impossible to predict.  It’s also a topic that is surrounded by judgement.  As parents, we all want to do the “right” thing but we are all struggling to determine what the “right” thing is when it comes to screen time.    

Many of these articles focus on the perils of screen time – behavioral issues, sleep issues and the issues listed above.  Our children have grown up during a time when entertainment is literally at their fingertips whenever they want it.  Parents are also trying to juggle more than ever before, so using an iPad or movie to occupy your child while you get chores done is sometimes more of a necessity instead of a luxury.  As a result it’s easy for our children to become conditioned to the idea that they must being doing something every second of every day.  However, when you take away the screens something interesting happens.  The first reaction may be “I’m bored” or “there is nothing to do”.  Slowly creativity and imagination start to take over.  Forts are built.  Stores are opened.  Games are invented.  Adventures are had.  New worlds are created.  Eavesdropping on the conversations during these times is more entertaining than any screen could ever provide.      

The debate about screen time and technology is just getting started and will continue to rage on for years to come.  In the meantime, let’s not forget the importance of play time, creating something out of nothing and imagining that anything is possible.

Journal on this: What factors are most important to you in the screen time debate?  Why?  What do you think is best for your child’s personality?

Heart-FULLy Yours,    

Kacey